Where do you draw the lines in family matters? [Archive] - Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion


View Full Version : Where do you draw the lines in family matters?

03-02-08, 11:16 AM
Kyle wants to move to WI, Im on board and so are my brothers and my grandparents would fund the move. My parents are not for this and have cut Kyle off at the knees with my grandparents financing. My ENTIRE family is fueding like mad dogs, my mom is crying, etc. Im now fighting with my son. My brother whose younger than I said to me tonight, and so did my husband, that my family is so tight and so close we just dont know our boundaries. I rely on parents for their advice, opinions, and what not. So when they heard Kyle wanted to move there, they freaked out and became angry. I want Kyle to do what makes him happy and move on with his life. He would have the support he needs up there to start fresh.

Ive just never felt this need to "stand up" to my parents. My whole family is soclose and were always there for eachother. Im finding out my parents are losing it somewhat and theyre taking it out on him, they really dont want to deal with his BS, which we know is a shitload. But my brother wants to help us. Andy has been Kyles dad per say. He's been the ONLY person whose ever been able to talk Kyle down or up.

The question has for the first time come up today that I let my parents roll over me. That I bow down to what they say, I dont believe that. Ive done what Ive wanted in my life regardless of what they've said. But my husband has said it, none of us know our boundaries, WHAT BOUNDARIES? Can anyone give me a clue on this? I tell my parents everything, my mom is my best friend and Im just finding out this is not a good thing? What the hell?:sad2:

03-02-08, 11:18 AM
Wait... What's the problem with him moving to Wisconsin? It's just another state with crappy weather

He'll probably move back to Florida after the first winter

03-02-08, 11:25 AM
Theres nothing wrong with WI, my parents are just not wanting to deal with Kyle. They wouldnt have to and my parents are thinking about moving back here so whats the dif? Green Bay is getting hammered with snow and the city has run out of money to sand or salt the streets.

03-02-08, 11:42 AM

What boundaries?

Clearly it seems your family is unfamiliar with the idea of boundaries.

My family is not.

I am not.

My mother didn't even know I moved out to Oklahoma with my brother until after I'd been here for 5 months.

My dad didn't know the shit I was going through up until 6 months in and right before it all concluded, even though I was living in his house and had dinner with him most nights.

I see two extremes here, yours being too close, mine being too far.

You don't need to argue with them, it's not their son, there needn't be a discussion.

Your son is old enough to do as he pleases.

03-02-08, 04:17 PM
Do your parents live in Wisconsin? Are they worried he will be too close to them?

04-02-08, 03:17 AM
My parents and both of my brothers are in GB. But one bro and his wife and my parents are moving down here to FL this summer. That leaves my one bro with his wife and his 2 young kids. We've all been batteling against my parents, theyre against Kyle moving there, its not the right choice. But I think it is and I've had to stand up to my mom in the last couple of days and say yes it is. Every other day Kyle has mental drama and claims his friends or Dr's are going to Baker Act him. OMG Kyle. Its all over women.

My mom feels kyle moving back home HERE with me is the ONLY answer, and I know its not. He needs to grow up. I hate that my whole family is fighting over this. My grandparents I believe will still fund the move and I will help too. Kyle is just lost as hell and my brother I think maybe the guide he needs in his life right now.

04-02-08, 03:30 AM
He is an adult. Do your parents not understand that he gets to make his own decisions now? Perhaps they are bothered that Kyle isn't doing this on his own, though, but rather is relying on your brother and grandparents?

04-02-08, 04:03 AM
They see Kyle as though he's still 15 mentally. Kyle CAN do this! I support him because Ive been in his shoes and I know the desperation you feel when you feel like a caged monkey. Ive expressed that to my parents. I would like to see Kyle DO something with his life and if he feels this is the best course of action, Im there for him.

My hubby is just out there and doesnt make it easier because he cant understand being a parent and the stress Im under because of it. Id rather Kyle be home but I know its time to let go...:upset:

04-02-08, 04:05 AM
You are right; it IS time for your son to grow up. Was he able to get out of the military commitment, then?

04-02-08, 04:20 AM
Thats still up in the air. He talks about transferring it to WI. Who knows. As of today, Kyle knows he has to have his GED in order and the Military resolved, then by all means he's a free bird. Ive taken the stance for months Ive wanted him to stay with his decision. For all the right reasons. But he's scared poopless. His plattoon has left for Iraq.

These are things he NEEDS to take care of before hauling bootie to WI. Well, that and having a job and a place to live that he can afford.

I did hear some comforting words from my mother in law today. She said she really wants Kyle to do well and she hasnt held any bad feelings for him in a long time. I would like to see that relationship ok before Kyle leaves and I think that will happen now.

Is it me or is LF running so slow today?

04-02-08, 09:55 AM
alright, with all of this going on, i'm still wondering why he wants to move?? i'm going to guess that it's not for school so what's his reason?


04-02-08, 08:57 PM
To get away from all of the BS here. His so called friends and all of the girls who have caused him so much pain and bs. I dont want him to go, Im his mom, but Id do it if I had to.

05-02-08, 02:05 AM
I've moved to get away from my problems at least five times. Never worked. IMO, Kyle's not actually ready to make good use of a fresh start.

That, though, is simply my own opinion, which should carry just about as much weight as your parents' opinions in this matter. I'm going to have to agree with Chris on this one- your family has no boundaries. While this has clearly worked for you in your life, it may not work for Kyle, maybe because he's a guy.

He seems like he's really struggling through a lot of crap right now, and while it's good to have family support, it also brings with it a lot of pressure. He's got all these conflicting opinions spinning around in his head- it must be hard for him to hear his own voice.

Charlie Boy II
05-02-08, 02:16 AM
If I were you I'd just be as glad as f-ck he's not going to Iraq. Even if he wasn't maimed or killed over there, there's a good chance he'd come back with serious mental problems. Eighteen is just too young to see the sorts of things those guys are seeing.

05-02-08, 05:17 AM
Yes, my stupid nephew just found out he "gets" to be on a tank in the desert, and he can't wait to go. My sister has been crying for days. I'd be relieved about the military part, if I were you squirrley. He will grow up one way or the other. Better that be with his mind and body intact.

05-02-08, 06:52 AM
Theres a HUGE part of me thats relieved he wants out, please dont get me wrong. I felt as though with EVERYTHING thats been going on his life it was best thing for him. He dropped out of HS, hopefully he passed the GED. But he's not self sufficient at this point. There are plenty of times Kyle expresses his proudness of being part of the Military too. He's very conflicted.

IF he could make it on his very own up there, GREAT! But Ive told him he HAS to have a roommate even if stayed here he'd have to one. He's got 500 dollars going out in car stuff alone. His current job also gives him the shaft on his schedule, one week he's scheduled 40 hrs, the next week its 5. He's fed up with that too.

Id rather see Kyle working full time in something and go to school for something, he does and wants to be a firefighter. We'll see.

Im just so apprehensive to even call my parents to shoot the shit in fear we'll fight. Today I started my job with my husband and I dont feel I can call them and be happy because they dont agree with my decision to do that either.:sad2: Too much bs.

05-02-08, 09:17 AM
I dont feel I can call them and be happy because they dont agree with my decision to do that either.:sad2: Too much bs.

Your parents sound like my girlfriend's parents.

The shit they gave her about moving back to New Orleans. It didn't even have anything to do with me.

Her parents had gotten so emotional about their youngest moving away again, she brought up doubt in Amy's "eternal future".

They got so caught up in their own selfish desires to have all their daughters close by that they completely disregarded Amy's wants/happiness.

Amy decided that regardless of how they feel, she's going, and either they'll come around or they won't. If they don't, it's their loss, especially in their old age when they should be making the most of the time, rather than spending it angry and selfish.

They finally came around.

Kyle just will have to do what he has to do. Even if there's validity to Giga's earlier statement, people...especially young people just have to do it themselves. You can only take so much advice before you just gotta see for yourself. If it turns out to be a bad idea, it's for the family to be there and support him when he realizes this, to keep him on his feet and off the street, and to make sure he learned something from it so he doesn't keep repeating the same mistake.

05-02-08, 08:37 PM
:lol: Thank you Fras! That made me feel so much better, because its how I feel at this time.

When youre family is close like that, sometimes it can be hurtful, just too close I guess. Im glad Amy has the courage to do this! Just like Kyle, you have to go for it!

06-02-08, 11:09 AM
To get away from all of the BS here. His so called friends and all of the girls who have caused him so much pain and bs. I dont want him to go, Im his mom, but Id do it if I had to.

so basically he's running away from what he won't stand up and deal with?? that sounds very childish to me.


06-02-08, 08:21 PM
It is running. Lastnight he came over, he passed his GED and now his HS Diploma! THANK GOD! He's now rethinking the move and possibly staying here. Ok Kid just do something. I wish it were like 5 yrs from now.:tough:

06-02-08, 09:07 PM
Careful what you wish for, squirrley... you could be a granny in 5 years! :P

08-02-08, 11:01 AM
squirt... like i said before, sometimes you have to slap this boy upside his head. shit, bring him to hawaii and i'll do it for free. then i'll leave him on hotel st where he can get pimped out like all the other male cross dressers. hee hee hee.