I Married my Job - Is that an "affair?" [Archive] - Love Forum - Online Relationship Discussion


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26-02-08, 04:55 PM
I'm young and supercharged to do business - retail actually. I met this girl last year who seemed to be equally if not more driven than me. However, through the relationship, we found that my work hours put a strain on the relationship and that I seemed to be less attentive than I could have been. However, what time I gave her was always well spent though few and far between.

My mess here is that I'm graduating within the semester to take on a failing business to re-invigorate it. I had the chance to take on a position at a Big 4 accounting firm but declined to get signed on as a partner of a local retail business (18 years and running) and decided to take the latter as it seemed to provide the most dynamic challenge.

The hours are long, 12 to 14 hours and will involve an immense time commitment. I'm desperate to provide my ex with more of my time but I simply cannot afford it because of this job - and no matter how madly she is in love with me, she just won't take it.

I'm just feeling really shot down that I need to make an either/or decision and have no idea how to respond. Is it so wrong for someone to focus so much on developing a business at the expense of personal time with that special someone? When looking at the big picture, is it so wrong?

I look at Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Donald Trump, all workaholics to no end, each married with family - yet quite driven to the point of the billionaire club. Do I expect too much to be "right" in this case, or am I just so wrong that I'm the scum of the earth and should be a "machine" as all her friends depict me as?

26-02-08, 10:52 PM
It obviously seems you are more interested in your career than in beaing part of a relationship. Make that decision if you want, but don't forget you will have to bear its consequences too... for example, a deep feeling of loneliness now and then.

27-02-08, 03:01 AM
Do you think Melinda Gates worries about where her next meal or mortgage payment is coming from? LOL.

I know many men who chose to focus on career first then family later. Security is important for a family (assuming you want one) & any woman (or man) who doesn't understand that is short sighted. Think of it as investment for the future.

A caution tho, as someone who has 'been there' (I ran a good business where I worked 70+ hours a week!). Unless you are careful, the work habits you set when young will be difficult to let go of later. Make sure you understand exactly how much is 'enough' & what success looks like to you. If your goal is to achieve stability for yourself & your potential family, you want to make sure your success habits don't actually become a liability to having a good relationship later. Everything in its time. Make sense?

27-02-08, 05:43 AM
Yeah... it's so hard. I remember with my first ex, the issue was that I did not focus enough time on my job and the financial strain put a rift between me and my family (this was back in my college days). I drowned myself in work to forget many things but developed a great sense of pride and accomplishment in being able to do a job right and build something long term like an investment, as u've said.

But now, my way of thinking is clashing with my current ex who comes from a different viewpoint that life is too unstable and short for you to ever focus on anything other than people. It's just that balance - it's so hard to find. I kind of envy my own parents - they were able to build their own business together and work everyday like that so they never have that rift. Folks like most of us hit the 9 to 5, only see each other in the evening, sleep, wake up, and split again.

As for myself, I just keep working at this new venture of mine because I want the freedoms that come with it. But the way people have been talking to me about it, it's almost as if it's an either/or issue and that if I want her, I cannot focus my life onto my business the way I want to. And it's such a painful situation....

30-03-08, 01:50 PM
I am on the same boat as you are, albeit 2 years younger. I attend a business school on the east coast, where people are just as competitive, just as motivated. I've been trying to find business girls, those that work just as hard, and understand the passion that can go into a business venture.

So far, no luck. But if I were you, I'd take the business since, lets face it, relationships are unpredictable and can fail anytime. A career, on the other had, better be solid and better be successful. There are many girls out there, but how many career-changing jobs are there?

31-03-08, 04:18 AM
my bfs like this and to him, he's investing in his future, our future. but to me we have no time together. i want him to be his own boss, oneday, so whenever i say i want some quality time, theres no excuses :D