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View Full Version : Lost in a world without meaning. Two years after I was off2college.



Off2College
12-04-08, 04:04 AM
So I'm sitting here in my room, while the rest of my college is partying. I can't seem to strike up normal friendships like everyone else. I grew up having no playmates. The only year where I actually had friends I hung out with regularly was 6th grade. That was it.

In high school, I turned to video games to keep me busy. But I gave that up in grade 11 to focus on academics. Only at the end of high school did I find a few good friends. But those friendship were brief, lasting only 5 months before we all separated for college.

In my first year, I focused on exploring academics, especially philosophy. Today, I just decided to do away with a philosophy minor.

I've worked for the past 4 years to get into a good school, and now that I am here, I am left with no other pursuits. My social network is non-existent. I spend all my time studying, yet I find it a challenge to "beat the curve". Yet what is worse, is that I don't know what I am working for anymore. Back in high school, I had the goal of getting into college. Now I am here, I feel like I am not choosing the career path that I want to choose, but yet it feels like the only option.

I go to parties, but have no idea how to interact with people. The only conversations i've had in the past two years are academic, philosophy conversations. Now that philosophy has made me realize that philosophy is not what I want to pursue, I am lost.

What should I do? How do I let loose and enjoy college life?

boobaa
12-04-08, 05:16 AM
I feel you O2C. I've been a loner myself too, for the most of my life. Spent all my summers alone,except childhood, like in the first grade. before that, i played with friends, but it was mostly due to my brother as I felt they were mostly his friends. I was always threated as the younger. I sometimes think that maybe it has left a mark on me, made me insecure.
be happy that you have your studys. I should be concentrating on school too, but I just can't. Now I just paint, because this gives me relief. A few years baclk I used to play computer games, it took lots of time away, so i gave up. Now I am thinking of giving up the forums also, because I feel a bit addicted, but I just can't go away because all this good information is here. Make me go away, please.

How many times have you been drunk, btw? I mean really drunk, socially. Do you at least have the people to go party with?

Sometimes, when I am at a party, I just like to sit and feel the vibe, I know its veird, but kind of relaxing for me, lol. People ask me, what am I thinking or is something wrong, but there really isn't at that moment, I am just enjoining the atmosphere with my glass of alcohol.

Do you at least have some friends with the same interests? Yet, with same problems? If you find such people, it is maybe easier to pursue the goal of social life. Like, ever seen those movies where bunch of nerds go out to interact with women, lol.

Off2College
12-04-08, 05:50 AM
Yeah, I've been really drunk before, which scared me away from alcohol. I once got really drunk senior year hs, fell on the turf in a baseball diamond, and left a scar on my elbow for a year and half. I have not been drunk since that one time. I basically drink beer for the taste, but I know my limits now...

I like drinking and chilling with my high school buds, but university really changed my social behavior. Freshman year I was class president, and my supervisor was the person who busted people for drinking. I had literally no alcohol that year. Now I barely drink during school. In fact, I only drank once this year, and it wasn't even on campus.

I do have one friend here who is almost my twin bro --> lonely, philosophical. But my friend is much more reserved, ie, no alcohol, no girls type. I am very outgoing... I was class president, after all.

But besides this friend, I have others who are almost like me. I mean, the valedictorians of their high schools. But these folks again, are really reserved. I love conversations with them, they get really deep. But they are always serious conversations, the ones that have meaning/teach you something, but are not just mindlessly "fun".

DoesntMatter
12-04-08, 05:56 AM
Yeah, I've been really drunk before, which scared me away from alcohol. I once got really drunk senior year hs, fell on the turf in a baseball diamond, and left a scar on my elbow for a year and half. I have not been drunk since that one time.

Well that's the problem. Being drunk helps social interactions so much more

anachronistic
12-04-08, 04:44 PM
So I'm sitting here in my room, while the rest of my college is partying. I can't seem to strike up normal friendships like everyone else. I grew up having no playmates. The only year where I actually had friends I hung out with regularly was 6th grade. That was it.

Too busy focusing on the past. Too busy feeling sorry for yourself. Look back for reasons WHY you can't strike up 'normal' friendships. Figure out WHY you didn't have playmates. You can't just sit there and feel sorry for yourself, expecting something else. You have to figure it out, and work it out for yourself. Leave NO questions unanswered.


In high school, I turned to video games to keep me busy. But I gave that up in grade 11 to focus on academics. Only at the end of high school did I find a few good friends. But those friendship were brief, lasting only 5 months before we all separated for college.

Yeah, video games are fun, but at least you've somewhat come to your senses. These high school friendships that seem to end after graduation are quite ordinary, despite what you think; you just need to learn how to make new friends.


I've worked for the past 4 years to get into a good school, and now that I am here, I am left with no other pursuits.

See? This is what I notice about the education system; it's focused mostly on grades, rather than education. It develops a student's mindset to do the work in order to earn the A, which is nice in terms of work ethic, but only few will understand the material, as it was designed to be. You have to break out of this mindset. It's a wonderful thing to get into such a good school, but why did you do it? Why drag yourself through all of that trouble? There's got to be a reason. This reason has to be for yourself, and it must be about something that is very important to you. It seems like you were just working so hard towards getting into a good school, that you don't realize why you were doing it. Pursue what you love; that's what the successful people do. Follow your obsessions. Maybe you'll come to the realization that you don't belong in college; don't feel pressured into staying if you start to get that feeling.


My social network is non-existent. I spend all my time studying, yet I find it a challenge to "beat the curve". Yet what is worse, is that I don't know what I am working for anymore. Back in high school, I had the goal of getting into college. Now I am here, I feel like I am not choosing the career path that I want to choose, but yet it feels like the only option.

I can't stand it when people have this attitude. No offense, at least I am reaching out to help you. If you were really interested in meeting new people, you should do it. Observe and question. Figure out what does and doesn't work. It's not some magical thing, you know. Stop tricking yourself.

Again, it's good that you're challenging yourself, in terms of beating the curve, but what for? Questions. You should not only be challenging yourself. You're feeling a sense of doubt, and your conscience just might be right. Take every opportunity to figure out what you want to do. Do what you love. I can't stress this enough! There are limitless options; in fact, options are nonexistent; you set your path.


I go to parties, but have no idea how to interact with people. The only conversations i've had in the past two years are academic, philosophy conversations. Now that philosophy has made me realize that philosophy is not what I want to pursue, I am lost.

What should I do? How do I let loose and enjoy college life?

At least you're getting out there. You should be proud that you're doing so. There are so many people that just lock themselves behind the door, afraid to see other people and whatnot. Just keep working towards what works, and figuring out what doesn't work. Use your logic. Try talking about things that are beyond your knowledge, or better yet, asking people; about themselves, about their interests, everything!

I am in college, too. I don't think you should do so little as to let loose, but instead pursue your desires. That is what life is about.

Gigabitch
13-04-08, 05:23 AM
Wow. You're so compartmentalized. I worry that you could be headed for a life of workaholism, O2C. What happened to dating? Maybe that would open you up.

Also, I suggest getting a group together to play poker once a week.

DoesntMatter
13-04-08, 06:00 AM
Wow. You're so compartmentalized. I worry that you could be headed for a life of workaholism, O2C. What happened to dating? Maybe that would open you up.

Also, I suggest getting a group together to play poker once a week.

This is a very good idea. Like you, I am socially awkward, so the formalities of card games helps things along so well. In particular, try drinking games with cards. Hopefully your guy friends can bring along some girls to play sometimes, but don't count on it

Off2College
13-04-08, 07:10 AM
I've tried getting to know girls, and then asking them out. I've tried 4-5 girls this semester. No luck.

I know I am to blame for this social awkwardness. My roommate-to-be invited me to poker last week, but I didn't go... I ended up reading existential philosophy back home, which amplified the loneliness. I basically lived my life the past year according to existentialist philosophy... I have a picture of Nietzsche on my wall... but now I've decided to give that up to some degree, and make more compromises for social gatherings. We'll see how far this goes...

And yes, I am desperate for girls. I admit it.

One principle I hold at school is no-binge drinking. This means no drinking-games. I am fine with social drinking... but right now I can't even find alcohol, and it's the school's annual partying weekend.

And yes, giga, work has dominated my life over the past few years. When I have nothing to do, I work. But i feel everyone around me is a workaholic, but a workaholic who knows how to have fun once in a while. I don't. Academics is important to me, and I basically have to work really really hard to keep up with the curve...

anachronistic
13-04-08, 07:32 AM
I've tried getting to know girls, and then asking them out. I've tried 4-5 girls this semester. No luck.

I know I am to blame for this social awkwardness. My roommate-to-be invited me to poker last week, but I didn't go... I ended up reading existential philosophy back home, which amplified the loneliness. I basically lived my life the past year according to existentialist philosophy... I have a picture of Nietzsche on my wall... but now I've decided to give that up to some degree, and make more compromises for social gatherings. We'll see how far this goes...

And yes, I am desperate for girls. I admit it.

One principle I hold at school is no-binge drinking. This means no drinking-games. I am fine with social drinking... but right now I can't even find alcohol, and it's the school's annual partying weekend.

And yes, giga, work has dominated my life over the past few years. When I have nothing to do, I work. But i feel everyone around me is a workaholic, but a workaholic who knows how to have fun once in a while. I don't. Academics is important to me, and I basically have to work really really hard to keep up with the curve...

Rejection is a part of dating. You've done better than me; I haven't asked ANY women out this semester. I may have met some women who I noticed had a crush on me, but there was always something wrong with them that forced a lack of interest in them.

You know you should've just given the academics a break and played poker with your roommate. Don't turn such opportunities down!

In terms of alcohol, I can see where you're coming from. I don't like to binge drink either, and it is so nonsensical! I am sure that someone will share with you; just ask. Maybe you could get someone to buy some beer for you; you know, I have a buddy who is a music major, that goes to the 'music store' to get some 'sheet music' for me to 'study', haha, if you catch my drift.

Kromat
13-04-08, 03:21 PM
I say that you should have at least one night that you can put your troubles aside,
like one Saturday of every week for you and your buddies.
Socialize more with guys and people in general, and that will gain your confidence.
Talking to friends is just like approaching women, they might seem to reject you at
first, but the more they get to know you & get into a conversation of interest,
they'll want to talk to you even more and they'll be comfortable and gain their trust.
Talk to people at their level and stop worrying about your grades too much,
create a social network of people and choose your main friends from that.
Your brain is being cluttered with information that it's isolating your surroundings,
people wouldn't ask you to hang out with them unless they thought you needed a
break, meet some new people or just a fun guy to be around.