PDA

View Full Version : A changing life...?



boobaa
22-06-08, 06:38 AM
Hi!

Time for my new thread, its been a long time!

So, I turned 20 last month and still i haven't had any real relationship. I am even still a virgin, but oddly enough I feel like I need to be in a relationship first.

So I am just sick of it. Summer just hit and already I am feeling like in a routine, wether doing physical work or sitting home doing mental work or scratching my balls. So today I went to a party, it was sort of underground rock gathering, most of the people were from art schools etc, really deep. As I was standing there, alone, looking cute and all, one pretty girl stood directly beside me, I thought about approaching but then she went to her boyfriend. There also these big clubs, but somehow I have never felt attracted to them, different kind of people. Besides, people there want money and car. But I want people to want me.

Now I am facing the dilemma that there are no pretty girls who are interested in me, still single. There have been pretty girls who I have liked, but they are all taken and I am ****ing sick of this shit. I am beginning to lose trust in girls general. Why do they need to make themselves so available when clearly they are in relationship? As you probably know I have had this kind of problem before. I am not talking about girls who stand alone in bars, that is not the case at all, I am talking about girls who are really outgoing and flirty when you start to talk to them.

I also have a crush in school. We even took classes together but it never got past from really hot eye contact. We talked, but as it seems, we are both really shy and I greatly suspect she already has somebody, thats because she is on phone very often and that sometimes she is really cold. Anyway, school is over for now and I feel like I have lost my chance completely, partly because of my insecurities which involve girls having boyfriends. Oh, and I probably won't need to mention that it is so easy to talk to a girl you are not interested in, but very damn hard to speak to a girl who cuts your feet with her aura.

Now I want to know how I can face and abandon these insecurities. Right now it seems like every party I go, everyone already has boyfriends/girlfriends and I feel so alone. And even oddly enough i don't have any friends who are interested in going to clubs... Sometimes i feel that maybe I am on wrong path in life, i am searching from wrong places. But where should I look? How do you know if you have choosen the right career, right path, right people? How do you know if your life is right? I have always known what I don't want to do, but there is still a question of what should I be doing...

This sounds like a random rant, but at least I got it off from my chest. What is your opinion? Any help?

shh!
22-06-08, 07:43 AM
First of all, about the girls that you think are being flirty - I think males often misinterpret being friendly for actual flirting, and anyway, if you think they are flirting, flirt back! It would be good practice.

Now about the pretty girls - 90% of males are attracted to the same 5% of females, and then wonder why they can't get a date. Perhaps you should consider whether you should be looking at some of the "average-looking" girls.

Finally, don't go looking for nice girls in clubs. They aren't there. You are a student; get involved in student life instead. Join clubs and take some classes for fun that require you to interact with others - theater, choir, etc.

Lipp
22-06-08, 08:06 AM
Sort of in the same situation myself, except that I don't like partying much and that my problem is that I don't fall for anyone rather than they not being available.

Bleh, life. :D

boobaa
22-06-08, 06:23 PM
There haven't been not very many people i I have fell for either. Just this time, I wake up every day thinking about her and go to sleep every day thinking about her...
My past connections were all average. And I think current crush is very average looking in someones eyes also. I really don't look for superhot girls, thats partly because I fail to see beyond their beautiful cliche body....
However, I kept messing with a girl who is very average, and I didn't feel anything spectacular either. So i decided to just go with the flow, and guess what, I still got screwed up. Flirted for three months, kissed at last only to know that she has a boyfriend. What a waste of time.

DoesntMatter
22-06-08, 11:18 PM
You're probably too ugly to reel in any decent looking chick boobaa

shh!
23-06-08, 12:25 AM
Your bitterness and hostility may be alienating to people, booba. You need to figure out how to make yourself into a happier person. No one wants to be drug down.

Tone
23-06-08, 09:29 AM
Nothing that's worth having comes easy.

boobaa
23-06-08, 10:49 PM
DM and shh, I am actually a smiling person in real life and my past experiences show very well that I am good looking. You people need to get out of this forum. While me too spend quite some time in the Internet, I never take forums seriously. There is a line.

misombra
23-06-08, 10:56 PM
don't worry boobaa. you'll be okay. 20 years is still very young and you have much more opportunities and experiences ahead of you then you do behind.

don't rush life cause then you screw it all up. do what you like to do. there is no right or wrong path, you just have to do what makes you happy. it's okay that you don't know where you're going right now. you don't have to know.

at your age i was terribly depressed myself, and not even close to the same person i am now, 10 years later. you can't gauge your future on who you are right now.

don't worry so much about things. if you did have a girlfriend now, chances are it wouldn't last as you would outgrow each other in 5 years.

lastwish
24-06-08, 02:40 AM
Use your sense of humor to get girls since you're clearly a natural. So don't be shy.

shh!
24-06-08, 02:45 AM
DM and shh, I am actually a smiling person in real life and my past experiences show very well that I am good looking. You people need to get out of this forum. While me too spend quite some time in the Internet, I never take forums seriously. There is a line.

See, this is what I mean. The comment I made to you was a genuine effort to HELP you, but you chose to respond with hostility. You might be smiling in real life, but this bitter, depressed side may be detectable to others.

Kromat
24-06-08, 03:10 AM
See, this is what I mean. The comment I made to you was a
genuine effort to HELP you, but you chose to respond with hostility. You might be
smiling in real life, but this bitter, depressed side may be detectable to others.

DM acts like he is a god send to women, his attitude is really pissing me off...
What does looks have to do with anything, people are just shallow, and have trouble accepting someone that looks different.
In the end, they treat that person better than the egotistical people that are only concerned about their looks.

P.S. DM you just said that your going into the medical field, so it's easier to pick up chicks..
Will you like this career, and is your personality ready to approach girls, if that's all that your focused on that will get you by?

I know that Real Estate will make me lots of money, if I'm driven enough, but this is possible in any career that you go into.
I think my personality will be suited for this field, so I'm giving it a shot and see what happens.
I'll be happy when I'm financial stable and have no trouble living on my own to get by, and
then have a women to have fun times with and share each others interests.

boobaa
24-06-08, 05:44 AM
See, this is what I mean. The comment I made to you was a genuine effort to HELP you, but you chose to respond with hostility. You might be smiling in real life, but this bitter, depressed side may be detectable to others.


But I wasn't being hostile. I simply described the situation, I am not into forum drama. You see it as hostile, thats fine. But I have always skipped the hostility part from your side. Have I ever complained about someones hostility? Maybe, but I don't recall it right now.


Yes, part of me is bitter, but that is actually not anything you know of. The reason lies in my insecurities. Lots of people look like egoistical cheaters to me. I already know what I have to do, but how -- I don't know. The part you described, is criticism towards those who get carried out via emotions too much.

DoesntMatter
24-06-08, 06:19 AM
DM acts like he is a god send to women, his attitude is really pissing me off...
What does looks have to do with anything, people are just shallow, and have trouble accepting someone that looks different.
In the end, they treat that person better than the egotistical people that are only concerned about their looks.


Fair enough, but what does vashtis quote have anything to do with that thought?


P.S. DM you just said that your going into the medical field, so it's easier to pick up chicks..
Will you like this career, and is your personality ready to approach girls, if that's all that your focused on that will get you by?


My personality was ready to approach girls up until junior year of high school when all inspiration went to hell in a handbasket. I would like being an anesthesiologist because I want to artfully sedate people with drugs. I can't imagine myself in many other areas

anachronistic
24-06-08, 06:23 AM
Enjoy life. And when people see you are really enjoying that, they will want to be around you. It's difficult to get a girlfriend when you can't enjoy a solitude life. That's really all I have to say. I know you have the potential to get a girlfriend.

lesa
24-06-08, 06:42 AM
Boobaa, you have to change your perspective of all (or most) aspects of life from within. Once you have that kind of attitude mentally and emotionally, you will somehow project it for others to see. They will feel more comfortable approaching you and you will feel more comfortable approaching them….taking minor risks like asking a girl you find attractive on a semi-date. Don’t ever go to clubs or other similar social gatherings unless you want a girl that fits mostly into those kinds of scenes and stereotypes. Don’t complain about the opposite gender to yourself or you will believe it to be true for everyone and it will show without you knowing it. It is very easy to pick up on attitudes because it can show in body language. Enjoy life safely and someone will come along…but as a male most likely you will need to show confidence, assertiveness, and a little bit of charisma especially when you find out that the girl has a boyfriend.

shh!
24-06-08, 06:56 AM
The part you described, is criticism towards those who get carried out via emotions too much.

I really don't have any idea what you are talking about. And for the record, there was no hostility in my post.

boobaa
24-06-08, 08:20 AM
I really don't have any idea what you are talking about. And for the record, there was no hostility in my post.

I never said your post was hostile. We all project what we are hoping to see, or are used to see...

By emotions, I mean that some people make assumptions too fast.


Enjoy life safely and someone will come along…but as a male most likely you will need to show confidence, assertiveness, and a little bit of charisma especially when you find out that the girl has a boyfriend.

Charisma... So you are basically saying that I need to steal a girl from someone another? You see, thats the part where my insecurities come, I am sick of girls who get influenced so easily and therefore hurt a lot of people. Plus that means that I can be a temporal optiion for that girl also. Is it really right to just find someone and keep that person until someone better comes around? Wtf?

lesa
24-06-08, 09:18 AM
Charisma... So you are basically saying that I need to steal a girl from someone another?

Uhh, No. I mean having the ability to smoothly leave that situation without letting it upset you. If she tells you no..that she has a boyfriend or no, she is not interested...then you need the ability to not let that offend you. Just say something appealing or funny and move on...it's nothing to get upset about. I had several men ask me whether I had a boyfriend or to go out on a date and I tell them sorry I am taken...but they have the charm to say something nice to me like, "too bad..you seem like a nice person and [boyfriend] is a lucky fellow" or something funny like "oh well...but you are cute anyways”..etc....keep your cool/charm like that to show that she did not destroyed your world. After all, she may have girl friends that she can introduce you to but if you took her 'rejection' as something negative then you will never know. I look highly on men who are charming and can take a 'rejection'....you can tell they are a really happy person inside.

Take your time and work on making yourself happy without a partner in your life first…there is no need to rush for any kind of girlfriend.



I am sick of girls who get influenced so easily and therefore hurt a lot of people. Plus that means that I can be a temporal optiion for that girl also. Is it really right to just find someone and keep that person until someone better comes around? Wtf?

P.S. You have to get all this negativity about women out of your mind before seeking a healthy relationship. Don’t assume all women are whores or easy….assess your attitudes of the conscious and possibly unconscious level before seeking a relationship.

So far in my life (and hopefully forever) I have never lumped a negative behavior that I may have seen in one man to other men. I haven’t done that (yet, lol). Open your soul and allow happiness over sadness; positive thoughts over negative thoughts. What makes you happy? Enjoy yourself first!

boobaa
24-06-08, 09:34 AM
The whole point is that they don't tell they have boyfriends until its too late. I know this probably isn't ture, but somehow i have captured that mentality...

lesa
24-06-08, 09:48 AM
The whole point is that they don't tell they have boyfriends until its too late. I know this probably isn't ture, but somehow i have captured that mentality...

What do you mean by 'too late'? Should women immediately end conversations with men and tell them that she cannot talk to them because she has a boyfriend? Should she assume that immediately at the start of a conversation? I have had men ask me questions about things and some people may think it is flirting. Example, one man asked me the name of the perfume I was wearing....a few minutes into the conversation I found out that he wanted to purchase that fragrant as a gift for his girlfriend. I've also had many conversations with men because I am surrounded by them. I would really embarrass myself if I assumed all of them wanted me as a girlfriend.

EDIT: And some women ARE just sluts. But the atmosphere you are in can reduce the number of those women sometimes. That is why I said don't look for potential girlfriends in clubs....maybe a one night stand, lol.

Tone
24-06-08, 10:01 AM
Uhh, No. I mean having the ability to smoothly leave that situation without letting it upset you. If she tells you no..that she has a boyfriend or no, she is not interested...then you need the ability to not let that offend you. Just say something appealing or funny and move on...it's nothing to get upset about. I had several men ask me whether I had a boyfriend or to go out on a date and I tell them sorry I am taken...but they have the charm to say something nice to me like, "too bad..you seem like a nice person and [boyfriend] is a lucky fellow" or something funny like "oh well...but you are cute anyways”..etc....keep your cool/charm like that to show that she did not destroyed your world. After all, she may have girl friends that she can introduce you to but if you took her 'rejection' as something negative then you will never know. I look highly on men who are charming and can take a 'rejection'....you can tell they are a really happy person inside.

Take your time and work on making yourself happy without a partner in your life first…there is no need to rush for any kind of girlfriend.



P.S. You have to get all this negativity about women out of your mind before seeking a healthy relationship. Don’t assume all women are whores or easy….assess your attitudes of the conscious and possibly unconscious level before seeking a relationship.

So far in my life (and hopefully forever) I have never lumped a negative behavior that I may have seen in one man to other men. I haven’t done that (yet, lol). Open your soul and allow happiness over sadness; positive thoughts over negative thoughts. What makes you happy? Enjoy yourself first!



This is really good advice.

You're still young, boobaa, you're going through the awkward phase - we've all been there!

Being 20 and not having a relationship is NOT that bad. Honestly, like lesa said, focus on yourself right now. Find out what you want out of life, find out what makes you happy, and where you want to be in life. Focus on school, join clubs related to your major or activies you like to do. You might find, that the girl thing will just fall into place.

Just remember man, that life shits on EVERYONE. Every single person can find reasons to be negative and complain about life. A special person is someone who can carry a positive, upbeat attitude and not let things like girls having boyfriends dictate how they are going to live their life. Those kinds of personalities are INFECTIOUS. While I don't expect to see your posts all smiles and full of positive messages - you CAN take a step in the right direction.

Anyone can complain about life.