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clearskies
27-06-08, 10:38 PM
If you do not feel lonely, but on the contrary you prefer living alone, doing things on your own, enjoy your days off and wks infront of ur laptop/TV/Satellite away from others even if they are around, is that a normal behaviour or unhealthy thing to do?

I would reckon that is due to mistrusting others. Someone might fear being stung or stabbed from the back again, so one tends to live lonely as much as he/she can. Is that the case?

Tedel
27-06-08, 11:45 PM
Somehow, I was sure it was you who started this topic :)

Well, I can say I am an expert in isolation (basically because nearly every highly-gifted faces strong isolation problems), so this is how I see it. If you reject socializing, you are either scared or quite selfish —my odds to the latter.

Distrusting people you don't know is normal —you don't know if they want to be your friends or just kill you, after all. However, if you don't trust anybody, then I would think you have been abused in the past.

As you see, it is normal to be somewhat alone now and then, it is normal to distrust, too. What is not normal is staying in thos extremes. That hurts a lot in the long term.

clearskies
28-06-08, 08:20 AM
Why are you sure it is me who started the topic? This post is not about myself. On the contrary, I hate being lonely and try work and work until I became workholic to avoid being isolated. It is a relative of mine who behaves like that and I am surprisd why he is doing that while members of his family are all around him. I also think that the way he is brought up might also lead to that case.

Tone
28-06-08, 09:18 AM
Maybe cause your threads usually have a negative association?

lastwish
28-06-08, 09:34 AM
wanting to spend time alone is normal. Someone might just like their independence more than others.

Kiechi
28-06-08, 10:04 AM
Why are you sure it is me who started the topic? This post is not about myself. On the contrary, I hate being lonely and try work and work until I became workholic to avoid being isolated. It is a relative of mine who behaves like that and I am surprisd why he is doing that while members of his family are all around him. I also think that the way he is brought up might also lead to that case.

Oh, the irony.

anachronistic
28-06-08, 11:09 AM
Loner here. I prefer spending my time alone. I would very much like to live alone, in solitude. I dunno if I would spend my time sitting in front of my laptop all day, or watching TV, but I do like spending it alone. I always have. In fact, my mother always tells me about how I was when I was a boy... she says I would just play in the corner by myself, quietly. I didn't bother anyone, and nobody bothered me. It never bothered me.

To tell you the truth, I never even think about it, haha. I am too busy theorizing, philosophizing, or whatever you call it to even remember that I am by myself. That's why my friends are always telling me that I don't talk enough... I am too busy imagining that the atmosphere is liquid, questioning morality, and just completely random thoughts that my mind goes on a loop with.

I could not have it any other way. I am not an attention whore, and a lot of the things I do, requiring being alone; art, fishing, computer programming, meditating, just about everything. Sometimes I can do it aroun other people... I can fish with my friends, I can play guitar for attractive young females.. but I can't really concentrate... when I do that, it's more of a social thing than it is when I do it alone. To tell you the truth, I would just be a waste of space; an animal; a walking void of human potential. I still hang out with people though... I spend time with my family, I go out to parties, I sit around with my friends from time to time... but only a few times each week. The rest is dedicated to me, what I want to do, what my mind focuses on, whatever.

I actually get annoyed when I am around people. It is like a claustrophobic feeling... I can only spend so much time around certain people before I snap. You know what I think it is? I think it's just my aggravation for idiots. It is easy to get on my nerves. It's gotten to the point where I can predict what most people say before they say it... and conversations just become a test to see who is the most mysterious.. and whoever is more mysterious is a better friend... or something like that... and then I have my friends who I can trust with my wallet, but not really because they whisper to each other when I am drunk and not looking.... you know, some people are just idiots. I have met a few, though, that I really do enjoy, that I can spend a lot of time with. One of them is the girl that I really like at the moment. Another one would be my step father, when it's just me and him. Some of my college buddies too, who I actually started a small little 'group' with. That's an instinct feeling, by the way... it's one I know is right... it's not something I've just wondered for days in and days out. I know for a fact that I just plain don't like hanging out with idiots... which is the vast majority of people. But then again, even those I really do like, sometimes I have to get away from... simply because I prefer being alone, and always have.

It is not a hereditary gene, because I am the only person in my family (besides my aunt) who is not a party animal. Haha, I am also the only person in my family (besides my aunt) who is ambidextrous.. but that's another story for another time. Hey wait a minute.. I guess it could be hereditary because my grandmother was not really a part animal either... and she was ambidextrous until they forced her to be right-handed.... Anyway...

Here's my Spiel on 'normal'; normal is bullshit.

What you should instead focus on, is "how does this impact my life?" Does it have a good impact? A bad impact? That's how you should focus. Because this is a world full of parallels and extremes are circles that never end. In my case, isolation is usually and generally good.

So in the end, I think you are asking the right questions... haha, you are kind of following me in my footsteps, with the questions you ask.

I hope this changes your perspective on things :)

clearskies
28-06-08, 08:37 PM
So in the end, I think you are asking the right questions... haha, you are kind of following me in my footsteps, with the questions you ask.



Thank you anyway. My real problem is a bit different from yours, I enjoy talking and talking if I could 24/7 because one of the basic skills of my job is communication and it is all much about talking which is really good for me. It lifts my spirits while being with people.

I hate being lonely that is why I work and work so I would be surrounded by people most of the time fearing isolation. I did not mean friends as unfortunately, I do not have many of them because of my travel here and there during my life. I can not settle down in one country for more than three years, that is my maximum in one place.

Illusional
29-06-08, 02:09 AM
if you don't trust anyone, what's the point of living?

raverboy

Tedel
01-07-08, 01:37 AM
Well, Clearskies, I knew it because the title of the thread (as well as many of your posts) show, in my very humble opinion, a low level of self-esteem.

Back to the question, I think you should remember something: Just as you need to get exposed to some illnesses so your body can learn how to beat them properly (namely, vaccines), your soul needs to get exposed to many kinds of people so you can learn how to deal with them properly as well.

Be yourself, it's not worth trying to be anybody else.

boobaa
01-07-08, 03:04 AM
if you don't trust anyone, what's the point of living?

raverboy


Point of living is learning. Period.


Life is like a search, you search for answers, like what to do with your life. How much things you should have, how to trust people, are you doing the right thing. If your life is absolutely fulfilled, enjoy it and you are ready to die peacefully.

clearskies
01-07-08, 03:08 AM
About satisfaction, Is there anyone on earth who could say 'I am satisfied'?
I think only a few.

boobaa
01-07-08, 03:16 AM
Satisfaction? Satisfaction of what, yourself, ego? That is an interesting thought. If a person feels like he has given enough to the world, is he feeding his own ego with that? Then what is the right thing, to feel nothing?
There are probably some monks, not necessarily all Buddhists, who have gotten their mind so cleared that they don't feel the need to think about such things. But still, in my opinion, they are individuals, and we can still talk about ego. But nature once is that way, based on ones individual needs.

clearskies
01-07-08, 03:20 AM
satisfied for me means content or happy with the way you are... I never felt that way..

Lipp
01-07-08, 03:32 AM
Hmm, there's some kind of mental difference I read about months ago, can't remember what its called, but its uncertain whether it is a disturbance or just a different condition.

Anyways, it pretty much went down to a person with it often being content with being on his/her own and never had any real need or desire for regular social interaction. I don't see a problem with it.

shh!
01-07-08, 08:11 AM
Hmm, there's some kind of mental difference I read about months ago, can't remember what its called, but its uncertain whether it is a disturbance or just a different condition.

Anyways, it pretty much went down to a person with it often being content with being on his/her own and never had any real need or desire for regular social interaction. I don't see a problem with it.


Me neither. I tend to enjoy solitude, and solitude does not equal lonliness. I don't believe there is anything pathological about being comfortable being alone... on the contrary, I feel it is more a problem when people are too needy of other's time.

anachronistic
01-07-08, 08:40 AM
About satisfaction, Is there anyone on earth who could say 'I am satisfied'?
I think only a few.

I am satisfied. :)

I am ready to give up my life when it is time.

Mish
01-07-08, 10:50 AM
I would reckon that is due to mistrusting others. Someone might fear being stung or stabbed from the back again, so one tends to live lonely as much as he/she can. Is that the case?

If you mistrust and fear others to the point where you become a recluse then it's a problem. It's healthy to spend time on your own, actually it's encouraged, everyone needs their own private space. But if you specifically start to avoid others due to mistrust and various fears then I would advice to check yourself for Sociophobia http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=12431 it's a life crippling condition.

Mish
01-07-08, 10:52 AM
About satisfaction, Is there anyone on earth who could say 'I am satisfied'?
I think only a few.

I'm satisfied. I've got everything I need and want (and more).

boobaa
01-07-08, 08:30 PM
I am satisfied. :)

I am ready to give up my life when it is time.

When is the time? You are not afraid of death? If you get hurt really really bad, and are in near death situation, would you let someone to end your pain because you have actually more to lose than win?

I bet if I would kick in your butt and insult you really really bad (hypothetically speaking), you would not be so ready anymore, since someone has hurt your pride. -- that is something to overcome.

Illusional
02-07-08, 12:38 PM
Point of living is learning. Period.




today i looked under a rock at work and i learned that there was nothing but dirt under it.

anyways, i agree with the learning process, but a desire to learn must also be present. if someone has a low self esteem to begin with, why would learning be at the top of their agenda? more so, if someone doesn't trust anyone, why would they want to ever leave their house?? they might only have the desire to sit and stare at a wall all day. i dunno

raverboy

anachronistic
02-07-08, 03:09 PM
When is the time? You are not afraid of death? If you get hurt really really bad, and are in near death situation, would you let someone to end your pain because you have actually more to lose than win?

I bet if I would kick in your butt and insult you really really bad (hypothetically speaking), you would not be so ready anymore, since someone has hurt your pride. -- that is something to overcome.

I don't know when the time is, nor do I care. I am not afraid of death, even if it is a long, dark, painful road. I have been in near death situations, and I am healthier than a horse... but if I were put in a position where I was going to soon die for certain, and the doctors predicted when, I would live the time through, until I breath no more... without requests. But honestly, it wouldn't matter, if I saw it fit to kill myself in that situation, I would. I have nothing to win, but nothing to lose. I would gladly give away anything I own to anyone who needed it - not because I am generous, but because I know what it is like to be in that position, and I understand.

Dude, I am ready to ****ing die. On the spot, all the time. Even when I am jerkin' the gerkin.

What does worry me though, the one reason why I am afraid to die, though, is because I know people will be hurt. Many people will be hurt. I may enjoy my solitude, but I am the guy that everyone in town likes. I am the guy that kills the rattlesnake with his bare hands to save the life of a 2 year old girl, and I am the guy that removes 5 treble hooks from the neighbors' puppy who tried to eat a shad rap, and I am the guy that takes the alcohol poisoned girl to the hospital, and explains to her parents what happened, even though I don't even know her, and I am the guy that does volunteer work and fixes computers for free, and cares how everyone is doing, and likes to spend time with old people in the nursing home who have nobody left to talk to, and don't speak English fluently.. and I will be missed. I would much rather be forgotten, or erased, so that those people do not suffer from it. I am still trying to learn that everybody suffers. Karma is the one difficult thing for me to accept - and not for my own sake. Death and life are the hands of a circle.

Oh, and that's the part I don't enjoy about relationships. I want my whole world to include this person that I love all of a sudden, and they want a life of their own you know. You can't always be attached at the hip... you have to separate. My least favorite words are hello and goodbye. That is a psychological problem I have, though - I always have that feeling of wanting to cry when I have to go. And I have always wanted to write a song about that, but I never really knew I did. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to discover that! But that's one reason why I like being alone... I don't have to say hello or goodbye. But I enjoy being alone. I could live completely on my own and be happy

But I keep on living, because this is a mysterious place, and I have many things to learn. I am a very curious person, and I will keep on living until it kills me. I guess that makes me a cat then, huh?

edit: I have something kind of funny to share with you. I hope it makes you laugh; back in the good ol' days, when I was a Christian, I used to pray to God to not let me die until I got to do so and so. I did this throughout my life, because I felt like death was around the corner, and could strike at any moment. I have a deadly medical history, and I almost died in bed a few years ago from some sort of intestinal disease that was never diagnosed. But anyway, I always prayed like that for little things. At first I felt like I needed to stay alive to play Gamecube... then it was Metroid Prime... and then I became a horny teenager, and I needed to stay alive to lose my virginity... and to see the next episode of Inuyasha, and it just got out of control. I was a silly Christian. :)

IndiReloaded
03-07-08, 06:07 AM
LW, you're taking the Buddhist thing too seriously. You are, paradoxically, ATTACHED to it. Like all religions, it is meant as a way to appreciate life, not become detached from it (despite what the monks say).

If everyone became truly detached, what would happened to the world--just do the thought experiment.

You were born to live. Death will come in its time. Meantime, take all you can b/c, eventually, the universe WILL come around to collect its cut.

*kiss*

Tone
03-07-08, 07:08 AM
I love you, indi. :)

Mish
03-07-08, 08:08 AM
You were born to live.

There's a really good Russian Hevy Metal song with that name. The chorus went something like:

Don't cry, don't regret and don't call
For weak is the whip, for willing the freedom
Carry your name to the light with a warm feeling
Ask the wind for the way
No more confusion and no more fear
Take all as it is and don't blame God or the Demon

<Awesome rhyming lost in translation>

IndiReloaded
03-07-08, 01:15 PM
I love you, indi. :)

I'm just a bored, intellectual, wannabe hippie w/too many ideas & too little time, Tone.

I want to make it to Mars in my lifetime & live the life Gene Roddenbury wanted us to live... waaaah!

But I love you too hun. ;)

anachronistic
03-07-08, 03:39 PM
LW, you're taking the Buddhist thing too seriously. You are, paradoxically, ATTACHED to it. Like all religions, it is meant as a way to appreciate life, not become detached from it (despite what the monks say).

If everyone became truly detached, what would happened to the world--just do the thought experiment.

You were born to live. Death will come in its time. Meantime, take all you can b/c, eventually, the universe WILL come around to collect its cut.

*kiss*

Thanks indie, I know you love me :)

First of all, that post was kind of retarded. Mainly because I was extremely drunk when I posted it. But anyway, to shorten up in a better explanation, I do enjoy life... I have no desire to die or kill myself... absolutely none. But I have the ability to let go. I know that when I die, I will have a smile on my face. I know that when I die, my life will not remain left behind, unfulfilled.

Today has been a very rough day for me. I am going to post about it, and then I am going back to sleepy.

starbuck
12-07-08, 08:25 AM
My shrink said something yesterday that keeps resonating with me. She said she wasn't telling me this to be depressing, but more to hammer home a point to me about finding love. She said at the end of the day, no matter if you're with someone or not, you're still alone, so to speak. Another person can contribute to your happiness, but can't be your happiness. You have to learn to be ok with you first.

Lipp
12-07-08, 12:57 PM
"Tillsammans är man mindre ensam" -> "Together you are less alone" is sort of a saying over here. Maybe it applies.

anachronistic
12-07-08, 01:00 PM
Lipp what language is that? It looks beautiful. It looks kind of Germanic, and I understand a little bit of it, by the way.

Maybe it's latin. I have never seen it with the diarecis or however it's spelled.

Lipp
12-07-08, 01:05 PM
Swedish. Unfortunately it doesn't sound as cool as it might look when written, I've always had a preference for english.

My sig is latin though. :P

anachronistic
12-07-08, 01:34 PM
Swedish. Unfortunately it doesn't sound as cool as it might look when written, I've always had a preference for english.

My sig is latin though. :P

I disagree; Swedish sounds very beautiful compared to English, in my opinion. I think German is the most beautiful sounding language, compared to all of the languages I've heard. Is Swedish your native tongue?


"Tillsammans är man mindre ensam" -> "Together you are less alone" is sort of a saying over here. Maybe it applies.

If you're curious, here's the connections I see. Maybe you can tell me how accurate they are:

Swedish | German | English

Tillsammans | zusammen | together

är | ist | is

man | man | one

mindre, I do not understand.

I think that ensam may be related to the German 'einsam' but I am not sure.

IndiReloaded
12-07-08, 03:33 PM
For beauty, can't beat the spanish language, IMO. I refer to proper Castillian spanish, btw.

I think Chinese, German & English are the least attractive sounding languages.

clearskies
12-07-08, 11:21 PM
- No matter if you're with someone or not, you're still alone.
- Another person can contribute to your happiness, but can't be your happiness.
- You have to learn to be ok with you first.

I really like that Starbuck. That is true, to be in harmony with oneself is more important than being with others. I heard from some married people that they are still suffering from that painful feeling of being lonely while as they say are in successful relationship.

clearskies
12-07-08, 11:23 PM
Spanish is musical, I enjoy listening to Spanish people..

Tedel
25-07-08, 03:31 AM
Yo hablo español. :)
(I speak Spanish)

Only-virgins
25-07-08, 11:01 AM
Happiness if a frame of mind. It isn't another person. Though another person can be a cause to that frame of mind. There is no being alone or not. How you spend your time is no ones business as long as you enjoy it. I think none of it has to do with not trusting people, sometimes I just prefer to be in private. Most of the time I am around people though.

clearskies
25-07-08, 09:14 PM
Happiness if a frame of mind. It isn't another person. Though another person can be a cause to that frame of mind. There is no being alone or not. How you spend you time is no ones business as long as you enjoy it. I think none of it has to do with not trusting people, sometimes I just prefer to be in private. Most of the time I am around people though.

Me too, I am always surrounded by people at work, either much older than me or much younger than me!!.. It is not a joke but that is the way it is. I like the way you express it as 'Happiness is a frame of mind' rather than a person or group of people. I am so social when I am with others..that is what is said about me!! while i feel still lonely.. strange, isnt it?

Only-virgins
26-07-08, 02:23 AM
I am so social when I am with others..that is what is said about me!! while i feel still lonely.. strange, isnt it?

No, not really. I feel like that very often. Even when with my friends I can still feel lonely. Who knows, maybe that is what people mean by the term "they complete me" when they refer to a significant other. Which is best when one realizes that the state of being doesn't depend on having people around you, people depend on having you around them rather. I almost daily hang out with friends and other people and it sometimes even interferes with work...but I never call them ...they always call me or come by. Sometimes I wish I could spend a lot of time alone with out having to think about things like work, friends, women, and life. I wish I could just freely be able to sit down and relax like never before :D

Illusional
26-07-08, 11:00 AM
Happiness if a frame of mind. It isn't another person.

i guess this is why i always drink so damn much. i love to be happily drunk.

raverboy