Can I make him forgive me?
I'm 29 and have been living with my boyfriend for 5 years. Last year we encountered a rough patch and I felt neglected and unloved and like all respect had gone from our relationship. Unfortunately during this time I got very drunk and kissed another man. I confessed and times were very difficult for a while but eventually my boyfriend decided to forgive me. The problem is that over a year on and he has not forgiven me. Most days he will refer to what I did and how much I hurt him. I have apologised over and over again and tried to modify my behaviour to show him that I am truly sorry and to try and regain his trust. I don't want to lose him but it is so hard knowing how much he is still hurting and also it is not easy living with constant reminders that I am the bad guy. I just don't know what to do for the best.
You need to leave. Sorry, but if he says he forgives you but continues to drag you through the muck, your relationship will never recover. He doesn't know how to let it go and is being vindictive. Based on the nature of your crime, sounds to me his behaviour has been as bad, or worse than whatever you did. No wonder you felt disrespected and went looking for affection elsewhere.
Some people use situations like this to their advantage and as a point of control. That's not fair. What you did was wrong, yes. You've done your best to apologize and seem to have learned your lesson. The fact you made a mistake doesn't mean he gets to hold it over you the rest of your relationship.
Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
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You need to communicate to him that he doesn't get to "forgive you" and keep you around to punish you at the same time. Next time he starts tell him that you're not going to allow him to keep punishing you for something that needs to be dropped if he wants this relationship to continue. If he keeps it up then you might as well just leave now because if you use how he treats you as an excuse to do inappropriate things and to cross relationship boundaries then if you stay in the status quo, sooner rather than later you will be seeking the attentions of another man (or men) once again. Learn to communicate effectivel so that You don't keep repeating mistakes and so that he understands the difinition of forgivness.
Originally Posted by etrange
Tell him that forgiving means NOT doing what he has been doing. Forgiveness means putting something behind you a striving to improve your life together without the "mistake" hanging over both your heads. If he can't stop then he's not forgiven and then leave the realationship.
Last edited by Wakeup; 01-07-12 at 08:37 AM.
Was it your failure to communicate to him how you felt before it happened? If you did say something was it his lack of effort to resolve it? What was this rough patch?
Well, I think his the one who have the problem here. Have you considered counselling? Maybe a professional advice would be best.