Girl I know

She's going through some pretty serious heart-break. Here 1 year boyfriend broke up with her at the beginning of the semester, does not love her anymore, will still be her friend, but wants to leave it at that. She keeps trying to win him back, and she gets extremely jealous when she sees him with another woman. Both she and her ex are my friends in this sort of clique thing. I know both sides of the story, I've been giving them both advice, but more so to the girl.

She says she is not the kind of girl that goes for a rebound relationship... but how is she going to separate herself from this guy? I'm not really saying everything, it's quite a long story, longer than I have time to share it all, a lot of the details are quite insignificant, anyway. Basically she has this persistent hope that he will come back to her, and she's not giving up... it's beating a dead horse. Many people have told her that but she doesn't understand... I've been thinking about inviting her to this lovely place to come for advice, but I am quite a selfish little bastard, and I don't know if I want her to know this side of me.

I think she needs to get laid and forget about the damn thing... and guess what? Lilwing needs some poontang, too. I've been thinking about it, but I'm probably not going to try anything.

If you have any ideas that might be good advice for this young woman, I'd really appreciate it. I think she's so attached that only time will tear it apart, you know. Maybe a good lay or two, but ahh I don't know if I want to become involved like that. Might ruin a friendship.

[misombra]

come on lilwang don't be such a tool. get some of her already. she was with him for a measly year and he dumped her to be a whore. make her not want that idiot anymore and make her want you.

don't be such a p***y.

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

come on lilwang don't be such a tool. get some of her already. she was with him for a measly year and he dumped her to be a whore. make her not want that idiot anymore and make her want you.

don't be such a p***y.

Aww you're so sweet I'll give it a try.

How do I make her stop wanting him and start to want me though? NEver been in this type of situation.

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

come on lilwang don't be such a tool. get some of her already. she was with him for a measly year and he dumped her to be a whore. make her not want that idiot anymore and make her want you.

One little thing; don't be an emotional tampon..

I'm just going to add to this a little..

Yesterday.. on-the-spot I let loose the most evil bf-destroyer, this girl told me she had a bf.. and then she asked if I had a gf (since I mentioned my "gf" got me one of the bracelets I was wearing).. that's when she dug her own grave (her bf's grave anyway)..

(Stand-alone start):

- Well, we recently broke up around December.. it seems so long ago.. (This almost always procs the next question when you leave it open-ended and don't continue talking.. also gauges for interest)

Her: What happened? (blah blah)

- Obviously we were going out for 3 years.. and just like any relationship I guess, there were good times.. and the not so good times.. We've all had that.. that's just the way these things are, every relationship has its down sides, do you know what I mean? Anyway.. it reached the point where she just started to get really clingy & jealous.. (cold-read on my part to call her on her bf's negative jealousy flaw).. and when someone you're in a serious relationship with does that, it almost feels like they don't trust you.. wouldn't you feel that way? (as if she doesn't)

Her: (rant about her bf and his jealousy)

- Look, i'm sure your bf loves you.. sure he's a little jealous.. but i'm sure he calls you twice a day.. and gives you that feeling of being complete and totally satisfied.. and i'm sure he's a sweet guy.. Be happy you don't have to go through what I went through (and since women always have to feel like they have it worse, this is bait).. but I understood why she would do it.. for women, jealousy is something they feel when they care about the other person.. for guys on the other hand, jealousy is something they feel when they're afraid of losing the other person.. to someone else (I flip my hand onto my chest as if to point to myself as i'm saying this).. which is why you shouldn't let it bother you, because I honestly think it's because he loves you so much.. he can't help it.. he doesn't want to lose you, because if he does, maybe he feels the fear of not being able to find someone like you again.. or anyone else again for that matter.. maybe he feels really lucky to have you in his life.. so lucky it scares him.. and it plays on his insecurities.. because that's what jealousy means for guys.. fear of losing that person they're wondering how they ever got to date in the first place.. you should feel special and loved.. i'm sure he's a great guy..

(after that bf-destruction; which will slowly make him look like the most unattractive thing on the planet):

Her: (starts cracking and talking about what frustrates her about him, what he's lacking.. LISTEN to these, and ask her to elaborate)

- What do you mean he's not in the mood anymore? I thought you said you're still having sex.. how can he not be in the mood and yet you're still having sex?

Her: It just feels like I always have to take the effort and initiate things all the time.. And he just isn't as passionate as he used to be in the beginning (Cold-Read: She wants a MAN who will take control and lead in the bedroom, not some boy-toy.. She longs to feel affection, sexy, wanted, adored.. Chances are he focuses on his own orgasm and stops after that; "not enough focus on her".. she wants a man who will focus on her now; your cold-read can be totally different, this is just an example of what happened)

- (Stories about Tampa and such.. patterns about her deep sexual/romantic desires.. and before you knew it.. "fcuk me eyes".. why?)

It's a two-part strategy: (And girls are both the inventors & masters)

1. Destroy her bf: Any guy she has in her mind, you have to use indirect suggestion to make him seem like the most unattractive, wussy, boy on the earth.. to the point where she won't be able to think about him sexually.. Also, stack onto stories that again indirectly suggest & imply (that is, SHE reaches that conclusion without you explicitly saying it) that it's ok to cheat, you won't judge her, it's happened before, if she's not happy she'd be an idiot not to, nobody would ever find out.. (basically, remove all road-blocks that are blocking the two of you)

2. Bait: (Women focus on baiting when they do this to guys; "Don't you wish your gf was hot like me?").. In part 1, you've destroyed her bf in her mind by amplifying the negative values in him and making him look unattractive.. You've also extracted the positive values which she's looking for but he's not giving her.. You've also hopefully been cold-reading & psychoanalyzing her.. In short, you know what she wants.. and you've convinced her that she's not getting it.. Now what? Now it's time that YOU make yourself appear (in her mind, from her eyes) like the MAN who can give her all that's she's wanted but hasn't been getting.. (again, indirectly through suggestion, stories, patterns, etc..)

Hint: Unfair bait, or.. (cheating).. is when you allow her to recall times in her life where she felt those things with someone.. where she felt that strong, powerful, deep sense of attraction for someone.. What was it like? How did it feel.. inside of her? What sensation did she get at that moment? Isn't it amazing to be able to re-live that? As your thinking about how it felt like.. TO BE ABLE TO ENJOY ALL THOSE FEELINGS AGAIN... WITH ME, that's the most important thing to have between two people.. (blah blah).. Basically you're using the feelings of guys she can't have sex with right now (from her past, celeb fantasies, etc) and since she doesn't want her ex, but she's feeling aroused and the need to get some satisfaction (wait!) you're making her feel those amazing feelings.. she's feeling this way around YOU.. and it feels great.. (great enough to require a new pair of dry pants).. and BAM! goodbye emotional-tampon.. hello automatic-dildo

Well, one catch, though, is that she might be pregnant. Definitely do not want anything sexual or intimate with her until I am sure that she isn't. So I'd want to keep things kind of slow... it will be probably a week or two before she finds out.

We've already had pretty deep conversations about sex and stuff like that... like she was talking to me about how she's never been able to climax with any other boyfriend, and things like that... I thought "Oh hey, is that a challenge? " But any sexual innuendo like that would be a bad move, you know. And I am the only one that knows about the pregnancy thing (I think, she asked me to keep a secret, so I think she trusts me pretty well) She kind of tells everyone about her problems with her ex, but it seems like she tells me certain things that she doesn't tell other people, you know?

Sometimes I get that vibe that it would be a bad move to try something. I'm not sure what it is. She cheated on her ex boyfriend, and I think that is part of that vibe I am getting. But she thinks she's a changed person.

[DoesntMatter]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

One little thing; don't be an emotional tampon..

If you are going to be her emotional tampon douse yourself in some irritant such that it agitates her cunt

[Kiechi]

I love GRKSCORP

[Mishanya]

Grkscorp is dangerous!


Lilwing, just don't forget. The ex is a friend.

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilwing

She cheated on her ex boyfriend, and I think that is part of that vibe I am getting. But she thinks she's a changed person.

I'm sorry, this is the only thing I was able to focus on while reading your post.. I'm sure the rest was just as important..

Think about the level of comfort and trust she must have in you to be able to share that information with you.. It can also mean she's a very open person..

Now, all that translates to me as (how I would hear it) is:

- I've cheated on my bf in the past, and though I can't tell you explicitly.. I hope you'll get the hint that "if I did it then, i'll do it again"..

Please tell me you're not making her feel guilty about it or GOOD about the fact that she aims to change her ways.. It's not a question of if it's right or wrong to cheat!

You don't judge her when she says something like that.. It's perfectly normal.. and she's not guilty of anything.. In fact you even sympathize with her that she was FORCED to cheat.. (What?)

Imagine it this way.. she clearly wasn't THAT happy with her bf (ex).. This other guy came along who was better.. (better looking, more money, status, networking, more testosterone, higher quality crack, etc..) And this new guy basically gave her things that her current bf wasn't.. (Is it selfish? YES.. but you can choose to make her feel selfish about it, or you can choose to make her feel like the victim that got stuck with such a bad guy, and how you totally understand.. and don't judge her for it.. because nobody knows what it's like to go through that and be in that situation.. "aww").. Then, you can be that new guy who has all these feel-good feelings, fun, and pleasure to offer her.. and (de ja vous!) history repeats itself!

Note on cheating:

- For Women: Men should be loyal.. Anything but absolute loyalty means that he's an animal, an insensitive pig, just like other men.. (blah blah blah.. basically femenist theory all over again)

- For Men: If you aren't giving your girl/woman everything she needs.. if you aren't giving her the best pleasure she's ever had.. if you don't make her feel great.. absolutely amazing about herself.. and if she's not proud of the guy she's with (that's you), and doesn't want to just show him off to all her friends and family.. Then that means you're leaving the door open for someone better out there.. And the ONLY forces holding her back from cheating on you (which do not include YOU in any way; she's not a guy.. the concept of "loyalty" is not something she enforces on herself).. are (her perception of herself & her identity, her friends' perception/opinions of her, and if she feels the new guy will judge her).. [since she'll rationalize "my bf is a loser" to herself.. and "we grew apart.. he didn't treat me right.. he didn't care about me anymore" to her friends.. the only thing REALLY holding her back is if the other guy will judge her.. and G-D save you if he doesn't..]

You see now, that there's nothing to feel "bad" about.. you're doing her a favor by freeing her from this loser slowly.. and letting her enjoy the better product the market has to offer.. namely; YOU..

Unless her bf is someone you care about.. or unless you really don't like her THAT much.. then it's pretty clear to see that there's no reason to feel bad about it.. in fact, as you realize that you can't find a reason to feel bad about anything.. try to think about what you're going to do with her now.. how you're going to let her realize that she's with the wrong guy, and that the better guy is right in front of her..

[Only-virgins]

I don't bang girls who used to bang my friends. That's that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilwing

does not love her anymore,

I wouldn't either if she cheated on me.

[Only-virgins]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mishanya

Grkscorp is dangerous!

Nah, Grkscorp is a deceiver in this example, not dangerous...there is a difference.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kiechi

I love GRKSCORP

You are probably the guy whom he stole the girl from haha.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

For Men: If you aren't giving your girl/woman everything she needs.. if you aren't giving her the best pleasure she's ever had.. if you don't make her feel great.. absolutely amazing about herself.. and if she's not proud of the guy she's with (that's you), and doesn't want to just show him off to all her friends and family..

Well, don't you just have everything figured out. Some of it seems good but some of it Smells of a hint of bullshit in here. By the way, are you saying men or women should present themself as loyal? Doesn't make sense ..you say "for women" and you give advice to men and then you say "for men" and you give advice to men again. Anyways, it is more important for the girl to be loyal and women care about loyalty less than men though both sides obviously care for it. Oh and, remind me again why we are chasing after women when we are doing all the GIVING and making FEEL GOOD?

[Mishanya]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

- For Women: Men should be loyal..

Shouldn't women be loyal as well? You make it sound like men are loyal genetically, while women are genetically promiscuous (Be careful there might be flames from some posters for this one)

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

- For Men: If you aren't giving your girl/woman everything she needs.. if you aren't giving her the best pleasure she's ever had.. if you don't make her feel great.. absolutely amazing about herself.. and if she's not proud of the guy she's with (that's you), and doesn't want to just show him off to all her friends and family.. Then that means you're leaving the door open for someone better out there..

No guy is like this G. A perfect guy like that doesn't exist. It's a figment of fantasy. Sure, anyone can put on an act for a couple of months in the beginning, but slowly flaws come through and saturate the relationship. If a woman or a man is not ready for flaws they shouldn't be in a relationship. Relationships are a lot of work and ups and downs, dreams and nightmares. There are a lot of loyal women out there, maybe it's best to find one that wouldn't cheat because of her own inbuilt loyalty than because of some act a guy needs to pull perpetually. They do exist.

From my own personal experience by the way, the guys I know are a lot more promiscuous than women.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

Unless her bf is someone you care about.. or unless you really don't like her THAT much.. then it's pretty clear to see that there's no reason to feel bad about it.. in fact, as you realize that you can't find a reason to feel bad about anything.. try to think about what you're going to do with her now.. how you're going to let her realize that she's with the wrong guy, and that the better guy is right in front of her..

Her ex is actually a really good buddy of mine. I don't want to lose that friendship. But HE says that he doesn't want a relationship with her anymore. He openly admits that. It's easy to believe, because he's been hitting on other girls... but he's not actively searching for a girlfriend, if you know what I mean. How do you work around that? Is the coast "clear" with her ex?

Almost all her friends know she cheated on him. She is a very open person about herself, or so it seems. She wants to change because she wants him very bad. But the thing is, he doesn't want her. Next time she starts getting all sad about it, I'll just tell her that "sometimes people never realize what they're giving up, and you have to move on"

[Frasbee]

You just wanna fuuck something.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

You just wanna fuuck something.

At least I admitted it.

I think this girl needs a good fuucking anyway, to get it out of her system.

edit: actually, I kind of do want a relationship, just nothing too serious... as in interfering with schoolwork and spending all my time with someone.