Originally Posted by
MisteryDude! 
I feel like im geting ****ed around but i think she does like me .. but she lately said on msn she only wants me as a friend and noting else, but after he saying some stuff on msn and the other things she does it feels like im geting messed about .. MysteryDude!
First of all, if you're really Mystery.. dude.. you should know you're getting played..
"Let's Just Be Friends" or "We're just friends"; hereby referred to as(LJBF).. has one common element in it, it's subtle.. not that subtle really.. but to not waste time.. it's the word "just".. it implies ONLY friends, and NOTHING beyond that..
Translation: "Look (your name).. you're a really nice guy, very sweet, and i'm sure you're great, but i'm not attracted to you.. and I really could care less how you feel about me.. though I probably know you're attracted to me.. So, let's do this.. You can give me all the time/attention, dinners/lunches and gifts/favors you want to give me.. and if you're dumb enough to give them to me.. i'm smart enough to take them.. "woo-hoo! free stuff! who doesn't want that?".. but don't think for a second that it will earn you my affection at all.. I just want to be clear about that now.."
When a girl throws an LJBF your way.. it's NOT playing hard-to-get.. she's litterally shutting off and cutting out the potential the two of you had together..
And here's what happens.. are you ready?
- Many guys will get the hint.. feel obligated to continue talking to her for a while until they completely cut her off from their life and move on.. knowing that she's not interested from the second she threw a LJBF their way.. (these are "not dumb" guys)
- Now, unfortunately.. most guys won't get the hint.. either because of love-spell-blinders causing them to ignore the LJBF or dismiss it as insignificant.. or because of the girl's fault in toying with the guy and giving him mixed signals.. and they will end up wasting a LOAD of time and money, and emotionally (and financially) invest in her.. until she eventually cuts them off completely the moment they try to push past friends or they stop providing (the role of either emotional-tampon or long-term-provider)
Any good news?
- An LJBF is a useful tool, like a knife.. It's left there in the open.. waiting for someone to grab it.. and stab the other person with it.. stab a girl with a LJBF, and you get a totally different reaction (the big assumption here is that she's attractive; DO NOT use LJBFs on not-so-attractive women)..
- Now, in your case.. you've already been LJBF-ed.. so when you continue to talk to her.. and as she's toying with you, pumping up her own ego at your expense.. all it seems like is you being under her love-spell, chasing her in search of her favor.. and she may tease you with it once in a while.. "I think you're cute.. you're so much fun to be around.. that was really sweet what you did yesterday, it means a lot.. etc" or she may touch you and smile excessively when she's around you (but not with genuine intentions.. rather, with devious intent & motives.. to continue to tease you while you continue to provide.. either your favors, money, or boosting her ego).. nasty aren't they?
Well.. next time you talk to her online or in person, and she "acts nice" or cute or sweet.. etc.. you're going to LJBF her back.. push her away, move a bit back and say.. "hey.. look (her name).. I thought you said we were just friends".. that's it? Yeah! you won't have time to say much more.. her ego is going to kick in and she's going to hit you back with female-denial.. which sounds something like.. "Haha! you're funny.." or.. "We are just friends.. what are you talking about? blah blah".. How to respond?
("smile" Look (her name), it's no big deal.. but I see you as JUST a FRIEND, and I THOUGHT you felt the same way.. I like it when we're together, because I feel comfortable around you, like I can just be myself.. not like i'm being hit on)
The subcommunication is HUGE.. which is why she'll have a problem when you LJBF her in the first place! It implies that she did/said something right there and then that made it seem like SHE wanted to cross the friend-boundry.. She'll try and recover.. and re-frame by throwing the pressure back to you.. but YOU will not allow her to re-frame.. you'll stick to your frame that SHE did/said something to imply this.. and that YOU want to JUST BE FRIENDS.. but SHE did something to imply that she wants to be something MORE.. for as long as you leave it hanging on that frame.. in effect and under that frame.. SHE is chasing YOU..
You're now a stain on her ego that she has to clear.. she thought she had you by a string, but now she feels like an idiot who was not only wrong (because you convinced her that YOU wanted to be JUST FRIENDS).. but that she did/said something to imply that she wanted MORE than that..
You can keep pulling her via this frame.. because now she'll be trying to recover her ego by trying to get you to do things to display interest in her.. but she'll also feel comfortable being around you.. because YOU pushed her away.. you can STILL cross the "friends-only" line here.. because for as long as you take control of the frame.. it is YOU that has imposed this "JUST FRIENDS" limitation.. and logically, YOU who can also take it away.. you can build-up touching.. go into kissing.. or even have sex.. and somewhere between all that, you would have "implicitly" taken away the "just friends" restriction.. but it has to be YOURS in the first place, so you can take it away.. you can't let the frame hang on HER terms as if SHE has this restriction in place.. so shatter the frame that she has this restriction in place, and replace it with the frame that YOU have this restriction in place.. then pull her.. and when you're ready.. take it away..
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