G/F Doesn't know what she wants... I need advice!!!

[danhowe04]

QUOTE: "Answer this. Is she a partier/club girl? Whether ever now and then or alot?"

This is why I'm even more confused. She's NEVER been a wild girl or really into clubs/parties, and she's never been easy either. With me, and all of her b/f's before me, she took things relatively slow and never hooked up or had sex with someone right away.

But now I'm afraid that she's gonna be like that just because she feels like she should, and it's not her. Problem is I dont know how to write her off completely (forever), because she's been a part of EVERY good thing in my life for the past 4 years.

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by danhowe04

she's never been easy either. With me, and all of her b/f's before me, she took things relatively slow and never hooked up or had sex with someone right away.

Haha..

That's NOT what it means to be easy.. So, she really was easy..

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by danhowe04

Problem is I dont know how to write her off completely (forever), because she's been a part of EVERY good thing in my life for the past 4 years.

It's very simple.. just stop talking.. stop calling.. end of story.. it's not that hard.. it's actually pretty easy.. very easy.. so simple..

Imagine that.. she's been part of EVERY good thing in your life in the past 4 years.. and after the break-up.. you don't feel hostile towards her.. you're both adults about it.. you'll talk to her if she calls you.. but you just don't initiate contact.. Do you see the subcommunication in that? Good..

Best,

GrkScorp

[Cain]

Maybe that's her problem... maybe she needed to break things off because she's been in a serious relationship most of her adult life and she feels like she's missing out on "fun." Maybe she wants to experience what life has to offer without the burden of a bf.

As I said earlier... no contact is the best way now.

And just because she doesn't have sex on the first date doesn't mean she's not easy. If a guy can get in her pants in the first month, she's easy imo. Think about if she had a new bf every month. That's 12 guys a year... easy. :p

[IndiReloaded]

There's a theory that says that EVERY relationship that ends does so b/c of unmet needs. Will Harley uses this concept to help repair broken marriages, but it can be generalized to any kind of close relationship.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/grap...0_summary.html

See if you can find out what her unmet needs are; I'm guessing you have an idea already. Then, decide if its something you can do something about. If it is, and you still want her, try. If not, the advice already given would apply.

Good luck.

[lesa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

Haha..

That's NOT what it means to be easy.. So, she really was easy..

Yeah, easy means being easily "captivated" by another person and then another and so on without trying to work on fixable issues of a relationship. Ha, the relationship could have no major issues and the person still leaves you easily for another person. Sex is or will be involved. I just cannot randomly date or have sex with any and every man that asks me out. There must be discretion.

[danhowe04]

Not to defend this girl at all, but I should clarify that, no, she really isn't "easy" - we didn't sleep together for the first 3 months, and she rarely did anything more than making out with her previous bf's except for the 1 or 2 that she actually went out with for awhile.

I'm just trying to show that I do know what kind of person she's always been up until now, so it's not like I'm crying over some random girl who I thought I liked.

But, it f**king sucks knowing that she grew up so much as a person while with me, was really nice and great, and then some other guy will reap the benefits of it while I get screwed.

[Lozenger]

Quote:

Originally Posted by danhowe04

We moved in together about 5 months ago and that was a mistake, because we weren't ready to do it and it made things kind of stale all of the sudden. In the last 2 months I kinda stopped doing things with her and we weren't spending quality time together, and then this new guy from her school starts hitting on her a lot.

Do you know how things became stale between you? And why did you stop doing things with her (whatever that may have been) and makesure that you had quality time together?

She probably noticed the things that you no longer did together. Usually, this tells a girl that you have lost interest and so no wonder she started getting close with another guy as she's looking for security and affection. That other guy was sort of an escape route from the pain that was caused when things went a little stale between you.
But she loves you enough to stay with you and hope that things get back to normal.
Moving in together is a big step and takes time to get used to as you need to compromise with eachothers way of living. eg - do we sleep with a night light or without one - and it would have been especially hard with the added stress of school work ect.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

(Notice, by you not answering the phone, being confrontational, and "not understanding" or considerate enough to try and work things out actively, not passively.. she will have all the excuses she needs as to why "things just didn't work out")



So.. don't wait for her to call you.. YOU should call her up.. (it shows your willingness to try and work things out and keep things together.. actions speak louder than words.. and it's something very simple.. so simple.. not much to ask for.. to show that you care)..


GrkScorp

I totally agree with this quote. Not picking up that phone may confirm any suspiscions she has of you - and it would show that you care about the relationship and where it's going if you ring


Good Luck!

X

[Cain]

You have to be careful with that though because it can push her away more. If she truly wants to take a break and be single, let her. If it's meant to be... she'll come around.

Trust me. My current relationship was the exact same way, and my girl ended up realizing after two weeks that she needed me in her life... things have been great ever since.

[lesa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by danhowe04

Not to defend this girl at all, but I should clarify that, no, she really isn't "easy" - we didn't sleep together for the first 3 months, and she rarely did anything more than making out with her previous bf's except for the 1 or 2 that she actually went out with for awhile.

I'm just trying to show that I do know what kind of person she's always been up until now, so it's not like I'm crying over some random girl who I thought I liked.

But, it f**king sucks knowing that she grew up so much as a person while with me, was really nice and great, and then some other guy will reap the benefits of it while I get screwed.

I understand. I do still defend my ex because I think he is a good person. He was not easy too and never cheated but it just did not work out because we were at different stages.

I remember when he had horrible college grades, worked in fast food restaurant, had very very bad credit and slight mood problems and I help him in ALL these areas. This was a 7 years relationship. He got great grade, great credit, a great great job, great mood and less blaming and anger and now some other woman gets to reap the benefits and I get screwed. (okay, I should give him credit for improving his life but he told me he could have NEVER done any of the above without me. I truly wish him well.

I wish you well too danhowe04. Sometimes people are with us for improvement and then they feel it is time to move on to new things once they feel they are new person because of their improvements.

[IndiReloaded]

Quote:

Originally Posted by danhowe04

But, it f**king sucks knowing that she grew up so much as a person while with me, was really nice and great, and then some other guy will reap the benefits of it while I get screwed.

Ouch. Careful buddy, that's sounding awful close to ownership.

People are growing all the time. Just not everyone grows together, you know? Sometimes, it goes the other way. That's life, don't get bitter b/c of it. Next time, it could be YOU doing the leaving. Try to remember that.

[danhowe04]

Yeah, she just finally did the very first "freak out" - she called a few times so I finally picked up, and we talked about non-relationship stuff for a minute. She asked how I was doing so I tiold her "good", I had just gotten a really good raise and will be getting a nice place really soon. I also mentioned that I'm going to be getting a pilot's license, and she said that she would have to let me take her flying sometime. Right at this point I said "I dunno..." and told her that we "can't be friends". She didn't get mad or anything but we said bye and hung up soon after.

THEN 5 minutes later she sends me all these angry texts saying "I'm mad at myself that I was even worried about u the other night" and "Everything u said to me was a lie, sorry things worked out this way." "Ur probably better off without me anyway, I hope things work out for u and i won't bother u or confuse u anymore. Be careful flying." "Also thanks for not paying for the gym... U can take all your stuff back if u want..."

I don't want to over-analyze all this, but I don't want to under-analyze it either. What does it mean?

[Gigabitch]

Well, it sounds like emotional vomit to me. All this stuff just came hurling out, all over you. She's probably quite mortified now.

[Tommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by danhowe04

Yeah, she just finally did the very first "freak out" - she called a few times so I finally picked up, and we talked about non-relationship stuff for a minute. She asked how I was doing so I tiold her "good", I had just gotten a really good raise and will be getting a nice place really soon. I also mentioned that I'm going to be getting a pilot's license, and she said that she would have to let me take her flying sometime. Right at this point I said "I dunno..." and told her that we "can't be friends". She didn't get mad or anything but we said bye and hung up soon after.

THEN 5 minutes later she sends me all these angry texts saying "I'm mad at myself that I was even worried about u the other night" and "Everything u said to me was a lie, sorry things worked out this way." "Ur probably better off without me anyway, I hope things work out for u and i won't bother u or confuse u anymore. Be careful flying." "Also thanks for not paying for the gym... U can take all your stuff back if u want..."

I don't want to over-analyze all this, but I don't want to under-analyze it either. What does it mean?

She's trying to turn it on you. MAke you feel sorry, guilt trip etc.

You finally said something you were never "man" enough to do before..... We've all been there, me to and it took me till I was 24....

You need to know in yourself you don't NEED her to be a productive successful person within yourself. I love my ex to this day just as much as I did, but I will never place myself into another situation like we had before, which is exactly what you have now.

Believe me as well, you never know EVERYTHING about your significant other, especially if it's a women... There are things they will never discuss and or tell you for fear of repercussions or loss os respect etc.... It's human nature, we all do it....

[IndiReloaded]

Quote:

Originally Posted by danhowe04

I don't want to over-analyze all this, but I don't want to under-analyze it either. What does it mean?

She's working up to hating you. Its a pretty standard self-preservation stage in breakups. Once she's over her hate she won't care any more & she'll stop. Right now, you're 'the enemy'. Try to keep your own composure, she's looking for a response, a sign you care.

Don't think that means you don't own any of what's happened, btw. I would bet some of her accusations are based *somewhat* in reality. Learn your own lessons; it usually takes two to tango.