bored girlfriend. any advice on special activities? - Love Forum

Tashi · #1 (**permalink**) 28-04-08, 06:40 AM

Right, I'm 18 years old, are currently attending high school, has a job and getting a fair amount of money (about 800$ a month? not sure about the currency, I live in Denmark, and my monthly income is about 4500 DKKR), so I am not poor, especially not since i still live at home (with my fiancee), so I don't have to pay anything special really.

My problem here is, that my fiancee is in the same class as myself, and we are together almost every day. We share same interest, which would be games, and anything within the fantasy genre in generel. But since we happen to be in the same class, we both get the same homework, so often we are spending (or rather wasting) our time with that. When we finally HAVE some free time, we are usually playing an online MMORPG game, or something similar to that.

Thing is, lately she has started to get bored. I don't know what to do really, she sometimes asks "we never do anything fun anymore...", but when I ask what she wants to do, she just pushes the subject aside and refuse to talk about it.

So i know she wants to do something fun, but the cinema is often too boring, and there aren't really any interesting movies at all... I have been thinking about trying different things like go-kart, or swimming, but she always counters with the same lines "go-karts are to expensive, and i can't bathe in a public swimming pool, cause my periods are too unpredictable". The first thing only bothers her, and sadly I know she is right about the other one... Sometimes i wonder if she feels bored because our relationship aren't advancing, we have been together for about 1 year and 7 months, and we still haven't had sex, only petting. I wouldn't mind one bit taking things further, but I don't feel like i want to force it upon her. I sadly lack a lot of self-confidence...

might also add that I would never, EVER touch alcohol, or any other psychedelics... Which usually ruins the idea of attending a party.

So, any advice? I might be good at making up things, which I often do when i Roleplay (a hobby of mine, forum-roleplay), but i really suck at getting good ideas when it comes to reallife...

hope any of you girls have some good advice for a hopeless boy like me ^^;;

Austinn · #2 (**permalink**) 28-04-08, 12:05 PM

Well from my outside view, I would say go for it in the department of deeper sexual contact. I mean she has been with you a year, which SHOULD mean she is attracated to you lol, and you to her, so you have got to give into your carnal male feelings and desires, cuzz I mean if you two arent having sex and you, the male, arent even pushing for it she probably see's that as a general turn off that her own guy is not more insistent on consemating yalls relationship after a year, a year is a long time to be with a girl and not have had sex...

bohemiandonut · #3 (**permalink**) 28-04-08, 02:49 PM

Oh dear god.

boobaa · #4 (**permalink**) 28-04-08, 09:08 PM

What is it? A friendship or something more? Is she just and activity partner to you? Have sex, drink some alcohol, no need to say thanks.

misombra · #5 (**permalink**) 28-04-08, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tashi

might also add that I would never, EVER touch alcohol, or any other psychedelics... Which usually ruins the idea of attending a party.

that's probably your number one problem.

PussyCatDoll · #6 (**permalink**) 28-04-08, 09:40 PM

do something spontaneous - take her to the zoo. my bf took me to the zoo and i was like wtf? the zoo? and we had such a fun time.

iceskating? roller blading? bike riding? picnic? to the movies? bowling? theres loads of stuff to do.

Gigabitch · #7 (**permalink**) 29-04-08, 01:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tashi

she sometimes asks "we never do anything fun anymore...", but when I ask what she wants to do, she just pushes the subject aside and refuse to talk about it.

I have been thinking about trying different things like go-kart, or swimming, but she always counters with the same lines "go-karts are to expensive, and i can't bathe in a public swimming pool, cause my periods are too unpredictable".

This girl doesn't want to be pleased, and I don't see how it's your responsibility to amuse her anyway. I believe that only boring people get bored.

bohemiandonut · #8 (**permalink**) 29-04-08, 01:55 AM

"wtf!? The Zoo?"

GrkScorp · #9 (**permalink**) 29-04-08, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tashi

we have been together for about 1 year and 7 months, and we still haven't had sex, only petting.

1 year and 7 months with no sex?

Hey.., if that's your idea of a relationship.., i'll date you.., as long as you pay for my sh*t.., take me to nice places.., talk to me.., entertain any drama I may have.., give me support and motivation.., I promise you i'll never be bored.. just don't ask me for sex.., I don't go that way..

Common! What difference does it make right? You're not having your needs and wants in that department satisfied anyway.. We'll go to the go-karts.., I feel no reservations about you spending any money on me.., I'm not having sex with you so I don't really care.., and we can go to the pool.., i'm a guy.., no period.. no problem..

Wait.., what's the name for that? It's not friendship.., because during friendship both people pay equally in the long run and there's an equal exchange of benefits.. hmm.., sounds like servitude.., or some escort service.., only unlike Spitzer's escort service.., there you actually got to enjoy some sex.., no.., this is the legal kind of escort service.., you know.., the one that doesn't exist.., because no guy is willing to pay money or waste his time for just an escort..

I think you should tell her that being bored is not nearly as bad as being neglected.., and in this relationship you're talking about.., you're having your needs neglected.., you don't really care at all what her mentality is towards sex.., if it's important to you.., and it's being ignored.., then it's being neglected.., the only person not neglecting anyone's needs.., is you.., you're trying and putting in as much effort and thought as you can.., being very considerate.., and she's not feeling frustrated or neglected.., she's just feeling bored.., or in other words.., doesn't appreciate what you're doing for her..

Why are you with this person again? Is your self-esteem really that low? Do you really.., truly.., honestly feel that you don't deserve any better? That you're not worthy of having your needs and wants met in a relationship?

Best,

GrkScorp

littlewing · #10 (**permalink**) 29-04-08, 08:12 AM

Take her to the park and spend time sitting on the balnket having strawberries... nothing too complicated or pricy.

However I do think you're relationship is weird...

Illusional · #11 (**permalink**) 29-04-08, 10:51 AM

honestly, i don't want to read any of your replies today because i'm lazy as f*ck....

with that in mind, i dunno if any of the previous posters told you the truth, besides maybe donut...BUT, you want the read answer?? it's because you two are boring people in general. first, you two are scared to try new things... dear god forbid that you should have any fun besides taking the same boring classes together and spending your evenings doing homework... in order to actually miss someone, you need time apart...

secondly, no alcohol and sex?? f*ck, you should've just bought a dog because you'll get the same attention, if not more, and you can pet that damn thing all you want.

basically you're relationship has come to a stand still and neither of you seems to really want to move forward. however, if you two do, then neither of you has the balls to do so.

so with that in mind, so something bold and daring or she might just leave you, if you don't leave her first.

raverboy

Tashi · #12 (**permalink**) 29-04-08, 10:52 PM

...kay...

but thanks pussycatdoll, i'll try that xP I don't like alcohol, i can have fun without it. And we have a sexual relationship, it's just that we don't go all the way. And while i wouldn't mind going further, i don't mind waiting either, i have no intentions of finding someone else. I might be young, but I have always been told i seem like I'm years older than I actually are.

I also never said I was bored. I don't feel I need more than what we do, but I most certainly wouldn't mind doing anything out of the ordinary either xP

And honestly, while I DO give her a lot of attention, i haven't felt even once i have been neglected. Especially not my needs. While i can't really tell what she is thinking, I have a feeling we would have done something long ago if it wasn't because I said we didn't have to. To prove my point, i don't even have condoms or anything around, and she doesn't either (at least i don't think so), cause when we decide we might want to take it further at some point, we will get what we need, in form of pills and whatever seems most suitable.

I am on my second last year of high school, almost at the exams, so maybe a park or zoo trip would be pretty smart to get rid of some of the pressure and stress that are currently being builded up xP

thanks for your help, eh, but you won't really help me by trying to make me get rid of her, cause that ain't happening xP

sudalady · #13 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 10:39 PM

Hi, I think it is a common problem with a lot of couples who've been together for a long time.
I think you need to find your own space, going out with your separate friends, etc. Don't just stay together all the time.
Or, you can try to make some crafts, like ship models, flowers, balloon sculptures together. I tried this with my man and it works. You can try to learn things that she loves to do very much, or vice versa. This can help foster your commonality, so that you'll find it even harder to separate

Bring in some fresh air and you'll feel better.

PussyCatDoll · #14 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 04:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bohemiandonut

"wtf!? The Zoo?"

ye!! omg it was soo much fun, he's taking me again. i think every couple should go to the zoo

vashti · #15 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 07:20 AM

Damn, you guys - you are a bunch of sex-starved geeks. These are high school kids - some of them aren't sexually active yet, believe it or not.

Tashi, the sad fact is that people your age outgrow each other every single day. You are too young to be making long-terms plans for exactly this reason. You may not ultimately be that compatible.