Would You sell out Your own Friend? - Love Forum

Pettit-Papillon · #1 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 05:37 AM

Well, I did somehow... She was with really good guy, he already forgave her once,twice... She was cheated on him,and after she even didn't want to say that it was her fault... She just run away... I noticed that it was definately their end,and her ex now wanted just to know if that was true,for his own peace...That's why I told him ,because I know how it feels when You want to know the truth but nobody wants to tell You.Besides there was no hope to fix it...I said that it was true,but still was defending her,that it wasn't just her fault.I love her,she's really one of my best friends but I can't watch him wanting only to know the truth,especially when he's such a great guy and she just didn't appreciate that she met someone like him...She is still in love with her another ex who made everybody look at her like a bitch.And I don't regret, it's for her good,everybody has to learn their own lessons , even Her.
And You girls? Would You lied to protect Your friends even if you knew that they are hurting other persons?

Gigabitch · #2 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 06:17 AM

I would protect my friends. I might tell them I was disgusted with their cheating bullshit, but I would never sell out my friends.

misombra · #3 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 07:12 AM

i would stay out of it.

squirrley · #4 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 07:14 AM

I wouldnt tell the other person, I would however stress to my friend how wrong it is she's doing the other guy. Work that angle instead. And or just stay out of it. Because in the end when blame gets thrown, it will come down on you.

misombra · #5 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 07:18 AM

it's hard sometimes for people to understand how their actions affect others.

for a few moments of gratification, it could cost friendships aside from their own.

it's one of the sad consequences of such deception.

vashti · #6 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 07:29 AM

I don't think I would actually lie, but I probably wouldn't answer the question. Then I would dump my "friend" for putting me in such a bad position.

Pettit-Papillon · #7 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 09:34 AM

But You know guys,there something more important than a friendship... Besides she knew it very clearily that this what she is doing with this guy is so totally bad,and when she was talking to me or other girls she was sorry for screaming at him all the time,slaping his face for nothing last saturday etc... The worst thing is this is kind of person who can't say "I'm sorry it's my fault" to the person who should listen to that.And she know it clearly.Besides there was nothing to fix,they were already done with them selves,I just helped him understand some things,because I know two things: she would never do this and I know how it feels like when You don't knoe the whole truth and You're starting to make You own stories in head...
You should think if it's worth to be blind just in name of a friendship... And after all I just helped her saying some thing that she couldn't face to say.

misombra · #8 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 09:37 AM

i think they're both ****ed up. their relationship is doomed and so is your friendship.

one time i "helped" a friend in this way and it blew up right in my face. squeaky wheel always gets the grease.

vashti · #9 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 09:39 AM

I think the thing you should be asking yourself is why you have friends like her in the first place? Why don't you have friends that wouldn't dream of asking to to lie on their behalf?

You need to learn to pick higher-quality friends.

Pettit-Papillon · #10 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 09:49 AM

Well as a friend she's ok.She has problems in relationship...This all started with her previous ex.He was such a dickhead,when they were together I wasn't meeting with her for a year,we just met at school but even didn't talk ,just only "hi" or when we have had to.She has some problems with herself,I'm not as much wise to help her,I think she needs some profesional help... I'm moving abroad in few weeks,she's thinking of doing it with me...Well in my opinion it would be the best solution ,to make a new start...Here ,especially here in this town she won't start her life again.
And I don't like to judge other people,as I don't like to be jugded by the others.I just don't know how to get to her...She knows what she's doing and that it's wrong,she just don't know how to change it.Me neither.
And I don't think her ex did something wrong.He just gave her another chance,against what other was saying.He just believed in her...

vashti · #11 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 10:09 AM

I think there is a difference between judging people and judging their actions.

Pettit-Papillon · #12 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 10:22 AM

Yes but when someone is saying that she shouldn't be my friend it's coming to the part oh judging her as a person not only her actions.She never did something bad to me so why should I leave her.I can't tell how should she behave,because it's her own life,and moreover I wouldn't tell her more than she already knows.And I think there has to be moment in her life,maybe even few years ago,maybe when she still was a child,when something has happened that make her doing like this.Her childhood wasn't nice,her father was hitting her mother all the time,cheating and so and so,and one day he just throw them out of the house.I think she's becoming like her father,unfortunately... I still have hope she will change,we are young,so there is always a posibility.She just need some big kick in the butt ,to understand and change some important things in her life.

vashti · #13 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 10:35 AM

People make decisions based on judgment every day. To pretend that you should never make any judgements is to revoke your intelligence.

Intelligence tells me that it is a bad idea to make close friendships with people who are disloyal and lack character. You shouldn't play with snakes and expect them to purr like kitty cats.

Your friend hurts people. Right now, it wasn't you, but you can never be sure you won't be next because your friend is disloyal to the people who are supposed to matter. To recognize this is to accept the reality of this situation. Do you really have to wait around and become the victim in order to make a judgement about bad behavior?

1averagejoe · #14 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 10:41 AM

I honestly wonder if people like this ever change. People that cheat and feel completely fine with it. In my ex's case it's practically become a habit. I was the third guy in a row she had cheated on. I'm kind of curious if she will ever change.

I just don't understand the concept behind cheating. If you want to screw someone else, leave the person you're with then do it. I see nothing wrong with telling the guy, if she'd back stab her boyfriend, she certainly is capable of backstabbing you. She just showed the world her true colors. I wouldn't want a friend like her.

Pettit-Papillon · #15 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 10:48 AM

But there is difference between being a friend and a girl/boyfriend. I know so many people who as friends are great but in relationships they suck.So should I leave her like almoust everybody did?i don't think so.Besides I'm not that kind of person. I prefer to be hurted than to hurt other people. Sorry for that. But I don't think that she would do me something bad,and especially You don't know that.The difference between me and all of You is that I know her for few years,and You even didn't see her.So if there is someone who can say how is she ,it's me not You.
I noticed that almoust in every thread in most of advices people say "move on" , "leave him" , "he's not worth it" ETC. And now You're daying me the same thing.Why You people do not have any faith in people who did some mistakes in their life? ALMOUST everyone deserves a second chance or even more chances if it's someone close to Your hearts... Sometimes it's so pesimistic here.