My girlfriend says she no longer believes in love! - Love Forum

ramsay91 · #1 (**permalink**) 22-05-08, 12:58 PM

I have a slight problem. My girlfriend just got out of her first real relationship, and was cheated on. Although she says she's over it now, I still don't believe it because, well, she doesn't believe in love anymore. I love her a lot and I've told her before, but she just thinks the whole idea of love is stupid. She's really good to me, and our relationship is great. I just somehow want to convince her that love is real. I think its silly that she had one bad experience, and is giving up. She was hurt badly, and says she will never "love" again.

I would really like some suggestions on how to maybe convince her love it real, or at least get her to see my point of view. Any help would be nice.

Sam

GrkScorp · #2 (**permalink**) 22-05-08, 01:12 PM

This is what you're going to tell her..

Yeah.., it's the fever.., wow.., thank g-d I didn't go out tonight..

Here's the thing.., it's not something you can "convince" her on.., that's what her other asshole bf did.., he "convinced" = "lied/tricked" her into thinking that he loved her.., and then that trust just completely crumbled.., it's painful for her.., and you do have to understand that..

As a general rule of thumb.., if she's talking out loud.., and dwelling on an unhappy thoughts.., "my ex.., guys cheat that's what they do.., men are a jerks.., there's no such thing as love".., then just change the subject.., go over.., smile at her.., hug her.., kiss her.., rest her head on your chest or shoulders.., and just show her that you care.., that you're there.., and she can go on her hissy-fit all she wants.., but you know that it's just a hissy-fit.., and most importantly.., change the subject.., don't allow her to dwell on unhappy thoughts..

In time.., it's not one of those things you can "convince" her on.., she has to see it for herself.., that despite all her nagging.., despite all her pessimism.., you're not just a guy who sits there and deals with it.., you're a guy who comforts her and helps her get through it and past her issues.., what kind of guy would do that? (do you see where this is going?)

And with time.., because it will take some time.., she'll realize and become more aware of the feeling of being loved.., and start to feel more comfortable.., after feeling that from you.., on her own.., by herself.., without you saying it or trying to push the point.., she'll feel safe enough to emotionally invest again (if that's even the case.., and it's not just some hissy-fit for attention so that she can actually feel loved)

Best,

GrkScorp

ramsay91 · #3 (**permalink**) 22-05-08, 01:38 PM

Yeah. She doesn't take hissy fits, but more or less just thinks about unhappy thoughts too much like you said. I usually do change the subject, cause even though I act comfortable with it, talking about her ex can really get annoying. I'm not really worried about it so much, cause she's shows me affection and everything. I guess I'm just trying to seal the deal rather, if that makes sense. May be a little selfish lol, but.. yeah

Thanks for the advice

tooxshort · #4 (**permalink**) 22-05-08, 02:44 PM

To continue what my colleague, GrkScorp, was saying ...

Love is an abstract sort of thing ...

You gotta show her that it exists ... there's no "I can't love again" type of bullshit ... She can't just say it and have it be true ...

Your job is to just prove to her that you believe that love can happen and that you love her ...

But remember: Don't tell her that she needs to accept love ... Just show her and make her accept it that way ...

jinx343 · #5 (**permalink**) 22-05-08, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

This is what you're going to tell her..

bravo! loved that one.

hehehehe

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

Here's the thing.., it's not something you can "convince" her on.., that's what her other asshole bf did.., he "convinced" = "lied/tricked" her into thinking that he loved her.., and then that trust just completely crumbled.., it's painful for her.., and you do have to understand that..

And with time.., because it will take some time.., she'll realize and become more aware of the feeling of being loved.., and start to feel more comfortable.., after feeling that from you.., on her own.., by herself.., without you saying it or trying to push the point.., she'll feel safe enough to emotionally invest again (if that's even the case.., and it's not just some hissy-fit for attention so that she can actually feel loved)

i guess my next bf would have a hard time on me as well. lol

my ex totally blew away my trust and illusion about love and being loved. hmph!

jinx343 · #6 (**permalink**) 22-05-08, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

This is what you're going to tell her..

bravo! loved that one.

hehehehe

Quote:

Originally Posted by GrkScorp

Here's the thing.., it's not something you can "convince" her on.., that's what her other asshole bf did.., he "convinced" = "lied/tricked" her into thinking that he loved her.., and then that trust just completely crumbled.., it's painful for her.., and you do have to understand that..

And with time.., because it will take some time.., she'll realize and become more aware of the feeling of being loved.., and start to feel more comfortable.., after feeling that from you.., on her own.., by herself.., without you saying it or trying to push the point.., she'll feel safe enough to emotionally invest again (if that's even the case.., and it's not just some hissy-fit for attention so that she can actually feel loved)

i guess my next bf would have a hard time on me as well. lol

my ex totally blew away my trust and illusion about love and being loved. hmph!

but ramsay.. grkscorp is right.. good luck dude!

Cain · #7 (**permalink**) 23-05-08, 06:35 AM

People need to learn to separate one person from another. Just because one person fulled you into think he/she was in love with you when they really weren't doesn't mean that everyone will do that.

All you can do is give her time and show her you care. Eventually she will either realize she loves you... or her heart will freeze and she'll die.

And another thing, you said she just got out of a bad relationship... how long have you two been dating?

ramsay91 · #8 (**permalink**) 23-05-08, 10:45 AM

we've been dating for about 2 and a half months

bohemiandonut · #9 (**permalink**) 23-05-08, 11:20 AM

I think YOU should lay off the love thing for a while. Give her some time to cool off and rebuild her notions of love from the bottom up, instead of associating every time you say "I love you" with the disillusionment of her last relationship. Maybe you could just say "I like you." I've done it.

Cain · #10 (**permalink**) 23-05-08, 11:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramsay91

we've been dating for about 2 and a half months

Only two months and you're already telling her you love her? It's infatuation, mate.

How long had you been dating before you told her you loved her?

vashti · #11 (**permalink**) 23-05-08, 12:19 PM

I am with donut and cain on this issue. 2 1/2 months is very soon to be calling it love. She is probably not even over her ex yet.

I hate to freak you out, but has it occurred to you that perhaps you are the rebound guy, and that rebound relationships aren't the type that last?

I think you'd better keep your emotions in check.

Cain · #12 (**permalink**) 23-05-08, 12:23 PM

How long has it been since she broke up with her ex?

ramsay91 · #13 (**permalink**) 24-05-08, 10:38 AM

Actually I've never said "I love you" because I know she thinks it's stupid. We actually discussed this, and we agreed on
'i **** you" haha. kinda lame, but so are we. But yeah, I'm not pressuring her or anything, I'm just thinking into the future i guess.

Cain · #14 (**permalink**) 24-05-08, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramsay91

I love her a lot and I've told her before

You said you never told her you loved her, yet your original post shows that you have. Which is it? How can we help you if you give inconsistent replies?

ramsay91 · #15 (**permalink**) 26-05-08, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramsay91

Actually I've never said "I love you" because I know she thinks it's stupid. We actually discussed this, and we agreed on
'i **** you" haha. kinda lame, but so are we. But yeah, I'm not pressuring her or anything, I'm just thinking into the future i guess.

i meant to put i never say instead of i've never said. i mean like.. i dont say it often like most couples do, ya know?