I think I might be about to be dumped.

[confusedagain]

Ok got a question. My girlfriend and I work together and she asked me out about 3 months ago. I agreed and we went out to a bar for a couple drinks and seemed to hit it off. Ok everything was going kind of strange for the first two months. By strange I mean she only wanted to see me after work which we both work 3 pm to 11 pm. I went to her house every night except on her days off and we basically just had sex and she made me leave afterwards. She would not let me stay at her house and she would not come to mine although I tried to get her to let me. She said it was becuase her mother was bringing her daughter over in the morning and she did not want her to know about me. I thought that a little strange, but I said ok no problem. This went on for over 2 months. She never would let me see her on her days off because her daughter was at home. I guess I made the mistake pf starting to pressure her to spend more time together on the 3rd month and wanting to meet her daughter, which didnt go over to well. I dropped it and apologized and thought it was over. Well I made another mistake a couple weeks ago where we had made plans to get together on my day off, which she was able to take that day off from work, but she ended up making plans with her parents instead. I got mad and she tried to change the plans to where she would get back early to see me too, but I will admit I was still upset. Because of it she had to tell her parents about me and she did not want to tell them for some reason. Since that day she has been distant and will not kiss or touch me at all and will not let me come over anymore. When I text her she always says she is too busy to talk or see me. I have apologized numerous times and asked her to forgive me, but I am not really sure what I did or why she is so against me meeting her daughter or having her parents know anything about me. I finally got her to text me today and asked if she was still mad and she didnt come out and say it, but she simply said "I dont think it is a good idea to talk about this over a text", which leads me to the assumption she is wanting to break up. I really care for this girl, but it is a really weird relationship. I dont know what I should do. She really never has been that affectionate as far as kissing or hugging or stuff like that. It has been mainly sex and I need to leave. I find that really strange from a girl. She has told me she wants to have another child and wants to get married in the future though so I am really confused. Anyway my question is what should I do?

[amack]

First off, you can't dump someone you aren't actually dating. Your "relationship" seems to be more about sex than anything else so that should tell you how serious she is taking this.

It was never going to go anywhere beyond the bedroom. She made sure to keep you at arms length & I doubt she ever inteneded to take it further. It was just about sex for her. she may have said she wants to get married & have more kids but she never said with you.

I'd let it go & move on. Sorry.

[confusedagain]

wow, I have never known a woman who thought like that. There has got to be more to it than that. I guess I should have left it alone, but that's really messed up. I guess I am weird for a guy to actually want a relationship, especially after 3 months you would think she would too.

[ecojeanne]

aw man, i feel for you, she has a daughter and so is not willing to risk affecting her daughter. i think maybe she just used you but at the same time you still need to talk to her and find out why she doesn;t want to be with you in a proper relationship? i just want to hug you coz you are in exactly the same position a LOT of women find themselves in and yes it's unusual for a guy to be in this situation. it sucks sorry

[Henry123]

Dump her first. ^-^

[jlarkin7]

I was married early in life and had 2 kids. I quickly left that marraige and my ex wanted nothing to do with any of us. I met this great guy, but it is very scary to introduce your kids to someone. You cant bring people in and out of a child's life. It is a hard decision whether or not to allow your child to meet a person. Most likely it has nothing to do with you, but it has only been 3 months. She has to be sure that you aren't going to hurt her and even worse the child that is involved. Give her time and don't pressure her. She will come around. Show that you are interested in the child, but only to assure her that her having one is not a big deal.

[vashti]

I wouldn't ever let some guy around my kids unless I was pretty sure I wanted to marry him. Men come and go, but kids are forever.

And about the parents - she is a single mother, and no doubt she knows that her taste in men has been obviously lacking. Her parents have probably given her a lot of support through whatever trials her ex(es) dragged her through. She probably isn't eager to face their disapproval again.

[confusedagain]

Thanks for the replies. LOL Henry I am not going to dump her first. Sorry that I see as childish. I am going to try and step back a bit and stop pushing her and see what happens, that is if its not too late. I guess 3 months is not very long so maybe I am moving way too fast. If I get dumped so be it, at least I know I gave it a good try.

[Thelovedoctor]

Ok, she is obviously making every excuse in the book not to see you except for just an after work quickie, so I'm guessing something along the lines of that she's banging you on the side while she has her official boyfriend.

I know someone who had a girlfriend who did the same thing. nothing intimate, just a quick bang and leave. As it turns out, she was humping half a dozen guys behind his back.

Sorry dude, but you're just a piece of manmeat to her, and you just gotta kick her to the curb.

[IndiReloaded]

Whatever her feelings about your specific relationship (purely sexual or more), she is protecting her daughter and that must be respected.

I wouldn't discuss my relationship by text either in your case, so I wouldn't read too much into that.

Three months is so little tim in relation-space. Try to relax and go with the flow.

[Thelovedoctor]

she is protecting her daughter and that must be respected.

yeah, but daughter or not, the girl is treating him like a glorified sex toy. It's one thing if she like sends her daughter to be with grandma or a babysitter for a while and spend some time, but they're not even doing that.

I'm telling ya. this girl is treating him like some human sex toy and probably sucking off a bunch of bar dudes, too.

[Yggdrasil]

Anyway my question is what should I do?

It seems to me that you are looking for a long term relation, so here's my advice:

In my opinion you should break up with this person and find yourself someone who is able to commit to a relation instead of using excuses like parents and kids.

One of the most common dealbreakers for a healthy and stable relation is exactly what you are describing.

Excuses go from: "I don't want a father for my kids" to "my parents don't agree with my choice of partner".

See the writing on the wall.

[IndiReloaded]

yeah, but daughter or not, the girl is treating him like a glorified sex toy. It's one thing if she like sends her daughter to be with grandma or a babysitter for a while and spend some time, but they're not even doing that.

The daughter isn't home during their trysts. She makes sure he is out by the time she gets back. He said this in the first post.

The lack of affection is disturbing, agreed. Why don't you just ask her about your future Confused? Its been 3 months, its not an unreasonable question. You'll know by her answer whether you are wasting your time (if its a relationship you want).

[vashti]

yeah, but daughter or not, the girl is treating him like a glorified sex toy. .

You'd think he'd be a bit more appreciative!

[james1]

Good post nice info thanks for this post