Fantasies

[Sereena]

Hello all, I'm new to the forum. I finally caved and joined a forum to talk about my relationship and get some advice (and maybe give some if I can.) I've been dating my guy for 3 and a half years as of... today, actually! He's a wonderful boyfriend, but of course we have our problems, which have become increasingly difficult as life gets more complicated. I would really appreciate feedback and advice.

Up until just yesterday, I didn't consider this an issue, nor was I concerned about it, but I need some male input on fantasizing about other women. My boyfriend would never cheat on me, and I don't know how successful he'd be if he tried, but lately he's been talking a lot about other women and his desire to have sex with them. Like, a lot. To the point where it's more than just annoying. He's in his early twenties, and he's dated other people, but he's never had an intimate relationship with any of them, so this really adds to his curiosity. I don't give much thought to his fantasies because he's a young male, after all. But when he noticed how annoyed I was that he kept talking about women (and a threesome with someone we went to high school with), he began apologizing profusely and said that it's become a problem for him. That got me a little worried. Clearly it was more of a problem than I thought.

I confronted him about it today to explain how he felt and tell him how I felt. He said he's never been with anyone else, so of course he's going to be curious, but he knows he doesn't want to sacrifice me just for that. And his feelings are only sexual, he's never interested in the other women. However, he also said, "I'm just worried, because if I feel this way now, how will it be years down the road?" I've never even considered that until now and it's giving me some anxiety. I know he loves me and he says he totally appreciates me, he doesn't want anything else right now, etc., but neither of us know what the future will bring.

So, I would like a guy to sort of explain this to me, because I obviously don't ever think about other men. And I would also like some input on what you guys think will happen. Is this nothing or something? Will it go away? Will he settle down? Will he become restless and leave me? Experiences would really help me out. Thanks for your time!

[vashti]

I'm not a male, but I can tell you that males in their early 20s are at the peak of their sexual interest (usually), so they pretty much ALL think of sleeping with other girls. That YOU don't think of other men is likewise typical, because you won't hit your peak of sexual interest until you are in your 30s.

I pretty much consider relationships with guys in their early 20s to be the equivelent of training wheels on a bicycle. They are rarely there permanently, but they teach you a lot, and then you move on.