Sex, love or friendship???

[sabrina]

Hello all,

Let's see what you can tell me about this story.

I met this guy by phone 4 month ago (work reason). From that first call, without knowing each other we got on well and other then the business call, we started chatting via msn from home, nearly every night for hours and full night. We decided to meet after 2 month (we live like 400 miles from each other) and spent a great day/evening together, nothing 'intimate' but afterwards we did both admit that the idea of kissing had been there but didn't have the guts to do the first move on a first date. Back to the phone/msn for hours of chatting till a business meeting (a month ago) that we decided to transform as a date. Another great day and a great night together . Back to the phone/msn, once in a while was coming out 'I miss you', ' I think of you' but we never talked about real feelings or love. We decided for another date and carried on chatting as always untill a few days ago, when he came out saying that he was scared of love, that he was having 'strange thoughts', that he didn't feel ready for a serious relationship, that he wanted to carry on being friends but that we would meet again .
I am shocked as we never talked of love or of getting serious and I feel hurt that he cut me out like that as I do care for him (I wouldn't call it love at this point though).
I don't know what to do? i don't want him only as a friend and I dont want to lose him completely either.
Being friends and carry on chatting to him as always? I could do it but something unclear would always lay underneath.
Declare that I do care for him more then in a friendly way? That would be a good way to make him run.
Meeting again just for the sex? The sex was great but is it worth getting that low, then again to go back to the same mental trip of 'feeling of love' is having right now.
I don't understand as he says that it is not for 'sex' (first thing I thought) then why react like this for some words never said.

[vashti]

Of course he doesn't love you - you've only dated three times and you live 400 miles away. Am I to understand you have already slept with him? uhh ... that was a mistake. Next time, save sex for the person who wants to have an exclusive relationship with you.

Personally, I am not a fan of sleeping with your friends, so if you two are going to be friends, that ought to stop immediately.

Live and learn...

[GrkScorp]

Actually, what he means is that "you're the best customer representative he's ever had to deal with."

Sorry about that, I just had to get it out.

Anyway, actually, i'm sure he's a great guy and the sex was amazing, but he sounds like a very typical Type-P male to me.

Type-P stands for (Practical). This guy gets through to a business call, takes care of business, then.. he gets you talking to him.. gets you to meet him on a couple of dates, has amazing sex and then leaves. (Practical).

Did "he" need to care about feelings? NO!!!

Here is what "you" did wrong. You did not let him know how you felt. And I don't mean sexually. We all know you let him know well enough that kissing and sex where on your mind. So he naturally thought, great!!! (Sex with no strings attached).

Had you let him know about your intentions or deeper feelings about him, then.. if he did what he did, he would be a Type-J.

Type-J stands for (Jerk).

However, had me not left off. He would be a Type-H or Type-B. In short, husband or boyfriend material. What I would do, is try to get in touch with him nicely.

Do not fall under the impression that he left you. For all he knows, all you wanted from him was sex. Try to talk to him in a friendly way, and ask him how's it going?

Try to SLOWLY get back into contact with him. If you rush and spurt out your feelings, you WILL SCARE HIM AWAY, even if he's a nice guy.

Hope it all works out well..

P.S. Don't mix business with Pleasure.

[sabrina]

Great answer GrkScorp. This made me laugh but you are entirely right. I will remember your classification.

Actualy, I put him in the type-J alhough I would have prefered a type-B.

I mean, he made me believe that there was something or so I thought. OK, he never said it loudly but he sent song's lyrics (ex:3 doors down 'here without you') and did say once in a while that he did care for me, that he missed me... and so did I.

If it had been sex then goobye, it would have been easier.

Trying to get back in contact with him slowly??? He is online every night as always wanting to chat to me. I do answer but quickly find an excuse saying that I have to go and cannot stay chatting. Now it has been 3 days that I do not answer him at all. It made me feel bad though.

[clynn]

He lives at a distance from you?

[sabrina]

600 km (400 miles)

Is that far enough???

[clynn]

Well, it makes a relationship pretty difficult.

[sabrina]

Distance is a problem I would have worried about if it had become a 'serious' relationship. We didn't get to that point though.

[Gigabitch]

I think you should feel fortunate to be getting off so light- you could have spent years on this dud.

Walk away, Renee.

[chinboy]

oh my god~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~