should i keep pursuing - Love Forum

juswondering · #1 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 01:24 AM

I have this male friend at work. We take lunch together every day and talk through out the day. We are both single. When we first became friends I made a general comment about interoffice dating such as "interoffice dating is alright unless it goes bad".

Since that time we have become closer and closer. We talk about more indepth issues. He is always asking me my opinion or telling me of his dating experiences (the ones that didnt work out). On the other hand, he is always wanting me to talk to him, always close to me physically, and trying to make me smile. He also teases me in a playful way about how i say certain words or what i say to him.

He also asks me who I find attractive... I am not sure why he would care unless he wants me to say he is.

Part of me thinks he is interested in me but he is afraid to cross the interoffice dating line because of my comment early in the friendship. And another part of me wonders if he just likes me as a friend and trusts talking to me.

His body language makes me think he is into me. Then again he could just be that type.

I need a man's opinion. Will a man take the time to spend his lunch hour with a woman, find reasons to talk to her, get close to her, flirt in subtle ways yet not make a move because he is not aggressive? By the way, he told me recently that a woman he was seeing dumped him because he was not aggressive enough. Was that a hint that I need to make the first move?

I would like some thoughts on this so I can decide if I should move on. I have a lot of other men interested in me but I can not get into them because I have this man stuck in my head and heart and don't know what I should do.

#2 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 02:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by juswondering

I need a man's opinion. Will a man take the time to spend his lunch hour with a woman, find reasons to talk to her, get close to her, flirt in subtle ways yet not make a move because he is not aggressive? By the way, he told me recently that a woman he was seeing dumped him because he was not aggressive enough. Was that a hint that I need to make the first move?

It sounds like this guy is sexually secure and he really sounds pretty cool from your description. He's somebody I would hang out with in my spare time.

However, he also sounds like a pussy. Either he's waiting for the perfect time or he just doesn't have the balls to do it.

The aggressive thing was, if you ask me, a hint.

vashti · #3 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zarathu

However, he also sounds like a pussy. Either he's waiting for the perfect time or he just doesn't have the balls to do it.

I agree. Original poster - do you MIND being the boy in this relationship? Because if he is this passive, I'd be worried. Then again, I like being the girl.

#4 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 03:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

I agree.

You're finally starting to get some sense.

vashti · #5 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 03:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zarathu

You're finally starting to get some sense.

The first half of your original post was utter nonsense.

#6 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 03:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

The first half of your original post was utter nonsense.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zarathu

It sounds like this guy is sexually secure and he really sounds pretty cool from your description. He's somebody I would hang out with in my spare time.

This was nonsense? That would require you to know me deep down inside, which you don't. The only intimate part of me that you know is my dick.

Tool.

vashti · #7 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 04:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zarathu

This was nonsense? That would require you to know that deep down inside, I don't have a dick.

There, I fixed your post.

helshock88 · #8 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 04:17 AM

from someone who might know..

he might be shy.. keep pursuing, just make sure he feels comfortable with you and make sure that no one else is butting in when your both talking.
Im sure he will ask you eventually.
If nothing happens after a while well.. its up to you.

juswondering · #9 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 05:28 AM

thank you to those who actually gave a serious opinion to my question. I think he is just being cautious because of work. Any mature person would be since when things don't work out it gets awkward.

He is not a pussy or very shy. I think that he is not sure how to approach it with me. He seems like he is getting really close to asking me out. We only started talking about our personal lives about a month ago. And started hanging out at work only about 2 1/2 months now. And I only recently talked about my status recently. So as far as he knew I could have been involved. Plus I am also careful about crossing the line. Last thing I want is to lose him from my life completely, as a friend, if he is not into me like that.

Also, I am a white woman and he is a black man. He is working in a predominantly white company. He has only recently found out that I date black men.

More opinions welcomed!

juswondering · #10 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 05:31 AM

Yes i would accompany a man where ever he wanted me to go... Even it is just to be with him.

This man.... I would do anything for!

vashti · #11 (**permalink**) 29-10-06, 05:35 AM

It is generally a bad idea to date people you work with. If the relationship fails, it will be awfully hard to show up to work everyday, and let's face it, most relationships fail. Perhaps he knows this, and that is why he isn't asking you out.