casual relationships - Love Forum

ilovetea · #1 (**permalink**) 30-04-08, 06:36 PM

I wasn't looking for anything serious but I wasn't looking for just sex either. I guess in the end, that just equates to friends with benefits, which I didn't realize until recently.

My friend was at a party with one of the guys I'm dating, A. When A's friends asked my friend how he knew A, my friend mentioned me and they gave me a oooh yeah. kinda of response. Did A tell them? Was I a sexual object?

A few weeks ago, A and I spoke about relationships and he wasn't ready for one. I wasn't either. But after that, he kept contacting me to hang out and etc. Why did he do that?

I just broke up with my ex a month ago and was still kind of fragile. I cried on A's shoulder and spent some time with him talking about it. He tried to get information out of my friend about how I feel about my ex now. Does he care enough for it to be more than a casual thing?

He tries to charm me but he still talks about other girls in front of me. Am I being treated as a friend? Or is he hoping that I would be jealous?

When he described his perfect girl, I was the complete opposite. So it's like ...what's up with that too?

Maybe I'm too hung up on these things but please help me so I can see the situation clearly. I'm too biased because I like him too much. I'm not into the idea of friends with benefits type of relationship either. So I'll need to end it if it is just that.

alexbrown · #2 (**permalink**) 30-04-08, 07:06 PM

You are really in a confused state..

I guess it would be better to take more time to know him better.
Let time play the role right now. When you feel everything positive then you can express your feelings.

Gigabitch · #3 (**permalink**) 30-04-08, 11:41 PM

You're ruining your reputation with this "casual dating" thing. The "Oooh, yeah" response was a clear indication of the way you're being perceived.

Yes, it's a double-standard and it's unfair. It's also the way things are. Girls who have casual sex are pretty quickly labeled "sluts".

Sorry.

Henry123 · #4 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Yes, it's a double-standard and it's unfair. ..... Girls who have casual sex are pretty quickly labeled "sluts".

Unfortunatly you are right Giga. I dont think society has progress much in the social area. Its still a double standard society.

CAM · #5 (**permalink**) 05-05-08, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

You're ruining your reputation with this "casual dating" thing. The "Oooh, yeah" response was a clear indication of the way you're being perceived.

Yes, it's a double-standard and it's unfair. It's also the way things are. Girls who have casual sex are pretty quickly labeled "sluts".

Sorry.

Correction: the old saying is, "She's a slut if she has sex with everyone. She's a bitch if she has sex with everyone but you."

All chiding aside, yes...there's a double standard. Although, both sexes perpetuate this problem. Many men want the woman that is easy with everyone...because she's available. Conversely, many women want the guy that every woman wants...because that's seen as virile. That's how you end up with guys that have had 100's of sex partners. And, that's how you end with women doing the same, but usually not quite 100's.

lesa · #6 (**permalink**) 05-05-08, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovetea

I'm not into the idea of friends with benefits type of relationship either. So I'll need to end it if it is just that.

You know what to do?

DaudRaza · #7 (**permalink**) 05-05-08, 10:37 PM

You Look Very Confused Bro

rabthelad · #8 (**permalink**) 19-05-08, 06:39 AM

lol its so funny reading everyone saying its the double standard
i dont believe this for 1 minute..well thats a lie ofc it crossed my mind...but there are other explanations.

Quote:

A few weeks ago, A and I spoke about relationships and he wasn't ready for one. I wasn't either. But after that, he kept contacting me to hang out and etc. Why did he do that?

the guy must like you...and because you told him that your not ready for a relationship then hes not gonna hit on you...so what hes doing is keeping you close til he knows you are ready so then he can make his move

Quote:

I just broke up with my ex a month ago and was still kind of fragile. I cried on A's shoulder and spent some time with him talking about it. He tried to get information out of my friend about how I feel about my ex now. Does he care enough for it to be more than a casual thing?

yes i think so.again because he likes you hes letting you know that hell be there for you when you need him hence he was there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on.hes asking your friend about your feelings for your ex...isnt this enough to tell you what hes feeling for you..if it was just sex he was after then it wouldnt cross his mind what you felt about your ex.

Quote:

He tries to charm me but he still talks about other girls in front of me. Am I being treated as a friend? Or is he hoping that I would be jealous?

neither in my opinion...hes trying to show you that that he likes you ,this is where the charming comes in,but at the same time...maybe hes not feeling the vibes from you or maybe just cos he knows your not ready for another relationship hes breaking it up by talking about other girls so you dont think hes too serious about hitting on you.just a bit of light flirting of you ask me.

see i believe that when it comes to love and relationships wether sexual or deep or whatever that humans revert back to their natural state..i mean way back.just by saying how hes acting,its easy to determine whats going on in his head.we really are simple creatures.try not to read too much into what hes saying or doing,remember what ive said and just think about it next time he acts like it and youll see what i mean...

clearskies · #9 (**permalink**) 28-05-08, 02:46 AM

Hi IloveTea,
What do u mean by'friends with benefits relationship'? You r not ready for relationship, u r only 1 month away from a breakup in a relationship. you are fragile and need a real friend.. nothing to do with love but just a friend to lean on and cry on his shoulders.. we all need such a faithful friend but unfortunately it rarely comes.

This friend resembles the physciatrist who listens to our pains and works to solve it..

Cain · #10 (**permalink**) 28-05-08, 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

You're ruining your reputation with this "casual dating" thing. The "Oooh, yeah" response was a clear indication of the way you're being perceived.

Yes, it's a double-standard and it's unfair. It's also the way things are. Girls who have casual sex are pretty quickly labeled "sluts".

Sorry.

When I label someone as a slut, I don't look at gender. If you have casual sex with many partners, you're a slut, male or female, in my opinion.

Tedel · #11 (**permalink**) 29-05-08, 01:46 AM

Just end it, dude.

twisted · #12 (**permalink**) 30-05-08, 12:56 AM

It seems to me that the slut or not slut thing is secondary here...you need to figure out if you're ready to get into a "real" relationship with this person or not. Consider that you just broke up, so beware of rebounds. Once you figure out what you want of this person, since you have already ruled out NOT wanting the Friends with Benefits, discuss it with him and see what his thoughts are.
From what you posted, you like him a lot, I can understand why you are concerned about what it is he really wants from you. If I were in your place I woudn't want to just be somebody's booty call when I have feelings that are stronger than the usual physical attraction.