men are confusing!? - Love Forum

javagirl87 · #1 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 12:21 PM

So to make a long story short i got dumped about 2 months ago for no reason other than he wasn't happy with how we were even tho he always wanted to be with me etc....it was unexpected and it hurt a lot. i've been slowly getting over him but am still having troubles. but i've accepted it will take me longer than i'd like.

i started a new job and started being attracted to one of my coworkers, he trained me to close and when i had to close alone one night he stopped in to see how i was doing and helped me out. he stopped in again anothe rnight i closed for a few min. we always have pretty good convo's, as good as one can have while working. i've heard from people he's a really nice guy and really amiable and a good friend to have. today though i saw him at another coworker's art show, this is how our convo went:

me - "did you get your papers done last night?"
him - "yea actually i did"
me - " that's good, how was getting drunk after that?"
him - "it was awesome, and i made out with this girl, it was great"
me - "haha oh sweet, well that's always a plus when you're drunk"

and then we talked abotu the art for a few min and then parted.

so it kinda dissapointed me...that he said that. but what was stranger was that he was SO nervous talking to me. i was liek ummm why do you seem nervous? and why did you just kinda of say that really blunt in a public place about makign out with some chick?

usually our convos are jsut us two alone whenever we worked or when i was closing and he's always really comfortale talking to me, but i've noticed that when a lot of people are around he'll get nervous talking to me.

does anyone know what this means? should i give up on this? not that iw as really that invested....but still. i think i shoudl stop liking him before it gets to late if there is no hope.

Lipp · #2 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 03:23 PM

Did you have the example conversation in the presence of others listening in? Because while I can imagine him talking about it like that to other fellas (Girls got gossip, guys got boasting about such things...Bleh, reminds me of high school crap) I seriously doubt that he'd ever mention that if he was interested in you.

As for being nervous or not...Not sure about that one. I tend to be quieter in crowds since I feel that others can carry the conversation while I hang back and listen, but nervous based on that? Haven't had or heard of it.

GrkScorp · #3 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by javagirl87

so it kinda dissapointed me...that he said that. but what was stranger was that he was SO nervous talking to me. i was liek ummm why do you seem nervous? and why did you just kinda of say that really blunt in a public place about makign out with some chick?

Maybe he picked up on the fact that you were starting to have feelings for him.., and he just wanted to be honest and come clean about it.., but at the same time.., inside the back of his mind.., he knew that you wouldn't take it the best way.., so he was a little nervous about telling you.. I guess his need to come clean controls..

Men do retarded things.., like come clean about cheating on someone else.., something that would tear apart the other person emotionally.., even if the other person would never find out.., they still feel the need to come clean.., as if it's going to make things better somehow..

I know you probably really like him.., and when he told you that.., it really bothered you inside.., but don't let it.., besides.., he was drunk! It could just be him trying to make his story a little more interesting.., and in the heat of the moment.., sharing a little too much detail! It's not like he told you that he liked her.., or that he was thinking of calling her back.., or that he called her back.., or that they went out on a date.., etc.. Do you see what I mean? It's really not the end of the world.., it's really just some harmless detail that slipped out of his mouth.., so you shouldn't allow this to get you this bothered..

Just to cheer you up..,

"So.., I was thinking.., the baseball just keeps getting bigger.., and bigger.., and that's when it hit me"

Best,

GrkScorp

javagirl87 · #4 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 07:46 PM

lipp - yes the conversation happened with other people listening in. he was nervous because of his body language....he was kind of fidgity and and what not.

grkscorp - yea i feared that was probably the case...on another forum a few guys told me they think it's because he wanted to see how i reacted to that comment and maybe he does have feelings. since i don't really make it obvious about how i feel if i don't want to, i found it weird that he should catch on...but maybe i'm more obvious than i think. i mean i did mention briefly one day how i ran into my ex and how awkward it was...just so i could kind of make him think i wasn't that interested in him. but i probably won't/shouldn't get my hopes up since i feel i've just been let down too many times lately. i suppose he just wanted to let me know in the least awkward way that he's not interested.

oh well, story of my life. heh

Lipp · #5 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 09:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by javagirl87

lipp - yes the conversation happened with other people listening in. he was nervous because of his body language....he was kind of fidgity and and what not.

Then I wouldn't worry too much about the comment he made, and if he has no trouble talking to you while being nervous in crowds it's only a plus since then most likely he's comfortable in your company.

misombra · #6 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 10:01 PM

no, they're just confused.

Asparagoose · #7 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 07:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by javagirl87

i mean i did mention briefly one day how i ran into my ex and how awkward it was...just so i could kind of make him think i wasn't that interested in him.

You told a guy you were interested in about your ex so that he would think that you were not interested in him. Why would you do that? Where is the logic to that? I would not say that you should give up. Like Grk said, the guy was just drunk and it probably doesn't mean anything. You should casually ask him if that girl he made out with when he was drunk ever called back or if he talked to her again or something. Maybe it didn't really happen but he just wanted to make his whole drunk story sound more interesting. Don't let this small thing throw you off, it doesn't mean anything.

bohemiandonut · #8 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 09:54 AM

Guy sounds like a loser.

javagirl87 · #9 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 12:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Asparagoose

You told a guy you were interested in about your ex so that he would think that you were not interested in him. Why would you do that? Where is the logic to that? I would not say that you should give up. Like Grk said, the guy was just drunk and it probably doesn't mean anything. You should casually ask him if that girl he made out with when he was drunk ever called back or if he talked to her again or something. Maybe it didn't really happen but he just wanted to make his whole drunk story sound more interesting. Don't let this small thing throw you off, it doesn't mean anything.

well the reason i did it was because originally i didn't WANT to like him...and i kind of still don't because i'm not over things with my ex and i didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around me if he realized i DO like him.

Henry123 · #10 (**permalink**) 11-05-08, 04:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by javagirl87

...
i started a new job and started being attracted to one of my coworkers, he trained me to close and when i had to close alone one night he stopped in to see how i was doing and helped me out.

...
does anyone know what this means? should i give up on this? not that iw as really that invested....but still. i think i shoudl stop liking him before it gets to late if there is no hope.

Its usually not a good ideal to get involve with a co-worker. Especailly if this is a long term job. Things can get over heated if it doesnt work out.

Now for the reason why he only gets nervous with you when others are around? Does he have another girlfrined that others know about and you dont???? Is there a big age difference between you two???
It could just be a personality quirk (I tend to get abit like that myself).

Gribble · #11 (**permalink**) 11-05-08, 05:20 PM

Men aren't confusing at all. We want sex, food and sleep. And not necessarily in that order.

Women are the ones who don't make any goddamn sense.

rabthelad · #12 (**permalink**) 19-05-08, 05:51 AM

sounds to me that he likes you more than you think..
the reason he said what he did was because he was nervous...
the reason he was nervous was because he liked you...

let me explain:-the guy has a few drinks and starts to feel tipsy.
he sees you and comes over,nervous about what youre coworker might think if they see him talking to you(obviously it would be normal...in a normal situation,but because he likes you,in his head he thinks theres something wrong with it...hes probably shy)he slips up and says that.probably tryin to have a laugh with you like a guy would do with his mates...not thinking right.he realises hes messed up the convo and leaves...leaving you feeling a little lost about what just happened

the reason hes ok when its just the 2 of you is because hes not worried that anyone would be listening or judging.

i definetly think he likes you though.hes just shy.

1averagejoe · #13 (**permalink**) 21-05-08, 03:03 PM

I think rabthelab is right...sounds like something I'd do. Except with a less extreme comment.

Men aren't confusing. Women are about as complex as this:
http://www.z80.info/gfx/Circuit_diagram_2A_3A.gif

Some men understand it, most don't.