Am I Paranoid? Is there a Solution?

[SunnyDDSunny]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 1 year now. My boyfriend extremely social and has a lot of friends who are girls.It really bothers me a lot. He chat with this one girl every single day for hours after meeting her a couple of times.He started going out of his way to help her and he would text her good luck before any important event for her and they pull each others legs. I thought if I got to know her better I wouldn't get too affected but in spite of me trying, she never responded and she keeps getting closer to him.I did have a chat with my boyfriend and asked him if he could reduce the frequency of him talking to her.He did for a bit but it seems like its back to how it was before. And now he's chatting with more girls with the same proximity. The number of such friends just keep increasing and for some reason and I feel like I am just going to get left behind and his life is going to go on without me I have a lot on my plate with my job and studies and he has a lot more time to socialize and go out with them. I always get frustrated because he spends more time with them than with me and I feel it doesn't matter to him anymore, if I am not around because he has all these other girls around. I told him about this . He told me that's stupid and there was a reason he's with me and not with them. But his life still goes on with them and me spending very little time with him and it doesn't seem to bother him that I am not around a lot.

I need a guy's perspective on this.

[Gigabitch]

Okay, I don't see any guys answering this, so I'm going to chime in.

I don't see that boyfriend of yours sticking around much longer. if you're busy, you might as well enjoy it while it lasts, but this isn't going to turn into anything serious. He's growing away from you, not toward you.

This isn't the crime of the century, it's just a casual relationship. Don't try to make it into something it's not. If it's not enough for you, break up with him and don't date someone that makes you unhappy next time.

[SunnyDDSunny]

hmm... well i actually got into this relationship because he was my bestfriend dint think it would get this messy. but he tells me he loves me and wants to marry me but im not so sure about that anymore. its like he wants to keep his options open and be in a relationship with me.

[Gigabitch]

hmm... well i actually got into this relationship because he was my bestfriend dint think it would get this messy.

Ha ha! That's the very definition of messy. Dating your friends is a recipe for confusion. They never know how to act.

[Yggdrasil]

He chat with this one girl every single day for hours after meeting her a couple of times.He started going out of his way to help her and he would text her good luck before any important event for her and they pull each others legs.

The number of such friends just keep increasing and for some reason and I feel like I am just going to get left behind and his life is going to go on without me

I always get frustrated because he spends more time with them than with me and I feel it doesn't matter to him anymore, if I am not around because he has all these other girls around.

I told him about this . He told me that's stupid and there was a reason he's with me and not with them.

I need a guy's perspective on this.

Here's my perspective: connect the dots and move on.

You sound like a mature and resonable person, who knows what she wants.

Let me tell you, this isn't what you want.

[SunnyDDSunny]

I broke it off with him..
Thank you guys for the advice and support...

[PoeticFlirt]

SunnyD,

In response to your question about your guy and your thoughts here is my intimate advice to woman who are in this general situation. Understand that when a guy is completley in love he doesnt have these countless other female admirers/friends he genuinely wants to take all that time that he spending on all of these other girls and focus it on you. In retrospect he has you on a low level of his totem pole of intimacy.

Guys do this any guy that says that he does not do this is a liar. It sounds like he has you as a comfort level security blanket. Its a shame to be into someone who makes you an option not a priority. I write alot about this in some of my blogs and wrote a blog called "even though it kills you inside at times its best to walk away" that is very insightful.

You just need to gauge your level of interest in this person, its hard to raise up on a mans totem pole without out some serious manipulations, you must ask yourself is it really worth it??

[PoeticFlirt]

Gods making men every day Sunny

[SunnyDDSunny]

thanks for the reply
but... he wants another chance and he says hes willing to work on it... well all the last few times we have had problems ..he never said this so this is the first time...
i do want to give him a chance...im not sure if i shd get back together right away or think for a bit and ask him to prove that hes going to make the changes hes talking abt..

because like i mentioned the last 2 months he completly ignored the fact i was his gf..and treated me like one of his regular frends and it dint bother him if i was not ard coz he had his frends<male and female> around and I was really hurt. I dont no if i shd just forget that and get back together because that might give him the impression that he can do whatever he wants since im always going to come back to him and things will never change..
I scared of being in that place again..

[Yggdrasil]

thanks for the reply
but... he wants another chance and he says hes willing to work on it... well all the last few times we have had problems ..he never said this so this is the first time...
i do want to give him a chance...im not sure if i shd get back together right away or think for a bit and ask him to prove that hes going to make the changes hes talking abt..

because like i mentioned the last 2 months he completly ignored the fact i was his gf..and treated me like one of his regular frends and it dint bother him if i was not ard coz he had his frends<male and female> around and I was really hurt. I dont no if i shd just forget that and get back together because that might give him the impression that he can do whatever he wants since im always going to come back to him and things will never change..
I scared of being in that place again..

All right, let him work on it... for like the next year...

In other words, make sure the money is where his mouth is.

So what I would do is say something like: well, if you want to work on yourself, that's great. See you in a year and hopefully you've done the work needed to become a more mature, commited and loving boyfriend.

To many people say: I'll work on it and nothing changes. That's a waste of your and his time, wouldn't you say so?

Hope I am making sense here.

I know.. I'm mean, I'm nasty, I'm an asshole.. but hey... people don't fck with me

Life's a bitch.. so is my attitude.

[SunnyDDSunny]

a year!!!
I was thinking more like a few weeks!!
isnt a yr too long...

because he mite be moving to another country in like 2 months..so i was thinking like 3 weeks..or something..
because what i he has changed and i keep him waiting ...and i dont get to spend that time with him...

[Nick_or_Jon]

If you truly trust someone then you shouldn't need to ask this.

Unless you have good reason to think he would cheat on you from his character or his past then you'll have to realize it's in your head and you need to keep it that way.

Or speak honestly with him about it, let him know it bothers you. But don't throw out empty accusations.

[Yggdrasil]

a year!!!
I was thinking more like a few weeks!!
isnt a yr too long...

because he mite be moving to another country in like 2 months..so i was thinking like 3 weeks..or something..
because what i he has changed and i keep him waiting ...and i dont get to spend that time with him...

People don't work their problems in weeks. Sorry to burst that bubble.

And if you are afraid of losing him if he's going to be in another country, you already lost him... what makes you think that two months more with him right now, won't make him 'fall out of love' while he's in the other country?

That's beyond your control, so don't even try to control that.

On a different note: what's one year or so of your life compared to 5, 10 or 15 years of having a relation with someone who acts like your b/f acts right now and doesn't work on himself or the relation?

What's that worth to you?

Think about it.