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Registered User
Hi everyone! I have never ever posted anything like this before for anyone to read but I think that for the most part everyone has good advice to give. So here is goes!!!!
Im 29 and my ex bf who is 27 broke up with me about a little over a month ago. We have had an on again off again relationship for almost 5 years and decided to try it AGAIN 6 months ago. In the past he had cheated and lied about everything over and over. But I kept giving him chances only for him to lie to me again. Stupid I know. Finally I thought I had broken the cycle and we spent a year apart. I dated some really good guys and Im sure he screwed over some really good girls, but we decided to try it again. He told me he had time to work on himself and I loved him (still do) and was willing to give him yet another chance (lucky guy). Well, He had seemed to change we moved in together again and he was different. But slowly he would start going out with the guys and everytime he went out it was guys only and I was never invited. He started keeping his phone in his car to "charge" and when he brought his laptop home from work all the history was always deleted. THen I noticed a few lies here and there and he said I was too much. He said he didnt feel like he could do anything without me bitching at him and everything he said made me mad so he didnt want to tell me the truth becuase he was tired of hearing me complain. whatever. Anyway, One day I noticed he added a new female "friend" to his facebook. (one of many many females I would say 90-% of the friends he has on there are women) and I asked him about it and he blew up at me. He said he is tired of the constant questioning Ihe loves me but he cant do this anymore. He admitted to messing up in the past but I wouldn't let it go and he couldnt take it anymore. He kicked me out of his house and deleted from his facebook, and his life just like that. NO big deal. Threw me away like last weeks trash. Just a month before we were talking of our futures together both on the same page and excited and now he wants nothing to do with me. I have tried texting him but he says he still loves me but needs time? and all my texting is pushing him away. he says he isnt talking to other girls but I found out today that he is flying out of state to see some chick that he met 3 years ago (when we were together). Why would he do this? Why would he string me along? He told me he wasnt seeing anyone that he loved me and just needed time to think and now this? I just dont get it. I was hopeful that the time apart would make him miss me but he doesnt miss me at all. He just missed being able to be a bachelor. Trouble is, I know Im good enough. Im smart, pretty, fit, but I feel like I cant get over this guy and he seems to be attracted to girls younger than me. def afraid of being alone. Why would he tell me he loves me then treat me like is worst enemy?
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Registered User
If you were supposed to be together, you would have been and stayed together. From what you have said, it just seems this all fizzled out a while ago - who cares if you are good enough or not? - the thing is, he doesn't seem good enough for you.
Find someone who appreciates you
""The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach out for more. It plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds."
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Registered User
I think you're being distracted by so many questions that don't matter. None of the questions you're asking matter.
All that matters is, "If he treats me so badly, why do I still want a relationship with him?"
Believe me "Because I love him..." isn't a good enough reason. What does he do that helps you? How does he help your mind? How does he build you up as a person? Does he bring any good at all to your life?
When you are in love with someone, you both build each other up and work together as a team in most things. Albeit, there will be bad times... but there should always be more good than bad. Can you honestly say there is more good than bad when you are with this guy?
You may need some time alone to gain some perspective. Get used to the loneliness... stop fearing it... embrace it, gain strength from it. Learn who you are and what you want out of life.
“I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
-- Thomas Edison
Bossy Cow Moderator
He can't love you because he doesn't deserve you and you're being protected by guardian angels that want you to get away from him.
Do it.
Spammer Spanker
Registered User
yeah maybe he isnt good enough I just hate that he made me think he was just to go through this all over again. what was I thinking? now I have to start all over again!!! and I feel like the games are so old. Im ready for something real and where I live good guys are hard to find. I hate that he is going on with his life like nothing happened and he seems happy to continue it without me. its a hard thing to accept. to picture him with someone else so soon after he said he was not going to be with anyone is a hard pill to swallow. I guess we all go through this.
Bossy Cow Moderator
I had to import one from 1200 miles away. I suggest you do the same. Guys here suck ass.Originally Posted by kjb
Spammer Spanker
Registered User
yeah, I am trying to be a strong person and maybe this is a blessing. I just wish I could be as strong as him and move on quickly
Certified Blunt
Why do you keep on convincing yourself that this is love?
It's not.. read up on co-dependency and emotional abuse so you know what you are dealing with on your end.
The first step of getting over this and avoiding this from happening in the future is knowing what you are dealing with.
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Registered User
yep afraid of the alone thing for sure. Maybe I dont know what true love is really about but if it feels this way I dont want any part of it lol
Bossy Cow Moderator
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIwtzsvaVIM"]YouTube - Keb' Mo' That's Not Love[/ame]
Spammer Spanker
Registered User
love the song!!! thanks for the support and inspiration. I play guitar I might just have to learn this one =)
Bossy Cow Moderator
Learn this one too, while you're at it:
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8Tiz6INF7I"]YouTube - Hit the road Jack![/ame]
Spammer Spanker
Certified Blunt
The main thing is that you realize there are issues.
If you now can take care of those issues, be that with self help books, be that with help from a counselor or therapist, you eventualy will be able to have a healthy, loving relation with someone.
The trick here is that you first will have to unlearn your unhealthy patterns and turn them into healthy patterns, including self love.
That may take a while but it's not impossible.
We have some really great people here in the forum who can give you some support when things are starting to get rough. Don't hesitate to call on them.
Good luck.
Last edited by Yggdrasil; 27-06-09 at 07:23 AM.
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Registered User
thanks so much for your advice it gives me hope for the future in knowing Im not alone
The Words write Me
This is great advice. I completely agree with this.
This too.
Be the bullet, not the bulls-eye.
There is no love without trust. If you don't trust him (and I wouldn't if I were you either) you can't love him. If he is going to throw you out like that, then he is definitely not the one for you. Just move on. Do you for a while. Get to know yourself. It can be hard but it's worth it. Always worth it. You are worth better than someone like that, but not until you believe it about yourself.
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world
-Lily Tomlin
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