Engaged but can't get ex out of my head
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Thread: Engaged but can't get ex out of my head

  1. #1
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    Engaged but can't get ex out of my head

    About a year ago I went through a break up over what I thought was a fixable thing. However weíre both very prideful and stubborn people and that never happened. He hates to be alone so I wasnít surprised when he started dating someone right away. It took me much longer. About six months later after a guy I had been dating and I broke up. My ex found out I was single and took that opportunity to tell me that he regretted letting me leave and that there hasnít been a day since that he didnít regret it. All this while he was dating and living with the girl he started dating after we broke up. So we decided to give it another try. But that didnít last long because the girl and her kids were still living in his house and in those 6 months that they had been together she became besties with his ex-wife & completely turned his children against me. So when they found out he was spending time with me there was a big commotion.
    Long story short, he thought he needed to stay with the other girl because his kids liked her. So we broke things off again. Which restarted the whole cycle I had been going through for the entire previous six months. Only this time after hearing him say that he knew he wanted to get back together all that time we had been apart, and hearing all of his feelings on the subject, he picked the other option instead because he thought thatís what the kids wanted, that hurt much much worse.
    So, shortly after we parted our ways the last time a friend of a friend started pursuing me. After I turned him down several times I finally gave him a shot. We hit it off right away and started officially dating shortly after that. Was I ready to date? Meh, maybe not yet, but Iíll be damned if Iím going to sit around and mourn the loss of someone that chose someone else over me. So I continued with life. Well a few weeks ago, the guy I had been dating totally surprised me and purposed. I told him yes. In all honesty he is the type of guy Iíve been looking for and the amount of things we have in common with each other is unreal. But now, Iím not sure if itís just my mind going into overdrive or what, but I canít get the ex out of my head. Our relationship wasnít perfect by any means but I loved that man with my whole heart. I donít know if Iím capable of loving like that again.
    What Iím hoping you can help with is, have any of you had a situation like this? Being addicted to someone that repeatedly hurts you. So addicted that itís clouding your life with someone else that would never hurt you in those same ways. Iím afraid that Iím never going to be able to stop wondering how things couldíve turned out with my ex, and itíll ruin my future.

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  3. #2
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    While I never was with someone that repeatedly hurt me like t his, I think it's very common to think about "what if's" with ex's. I certainly do it all the time, and my ex's said the samething. This however doesn't stop or affect our current relationships. I also find the love in each relationship is slightly different. It doesn't mean I loved one ex more than another, but it was just different. In your current situation, I would try to forget and lose the feelings for your ex and move on with your new guy...

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    I know exactly what you are talking about. When you are use to drama and being treated shitty, someone who treats you the way you have always deserved to be treated throws you off. Your ex sounds like a bullshit artist. You don't stay in a relationship for the reasons he gave you. Also, he called you after finding out you had a boyfriend.

    Grownups don't end a relationship over something fixable because of pride. You have become so comfortable with all the drama, that a relationship that is loving and respectful scares you. You have wasted enough of yourself on someone who didn't deserve you. Allow yourself the kindness and love the other man has to offer you. Perhaps see a therapist.

    Time heals all wounds. Your love for him will fade. Of course, if you do not have any feelings for this other man, it is only fair to him to let him know.

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    They are a big part of you and you from and during your past so is normal why they still are in your head but, to move on it is better to go, okay yes, I loved him and wanted him but, it was not to be so this is where my life is now and with this new great guy who loves me so much he proposed. The ex is your past, can have still good memories if any but don't think about him romantically anymore. You both moved on.
    ďThe world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.Ē

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