I just got broken up with by the best guy in the world

[Clare]

I've been dating this guy for over 9 months. Last night we broke up, and I'm just really sad about it.

We had a great 9 months. We had lots of fun . . . we got along, we had a ridiculous amount in common. We were happy. We were just meeting friends/families, and everything was going great. Things were moving very slowly for us, and I was happy with that . . . slow and steady was what made me comfortable. That, and the fact that he was so honest, sincere, affectionate, playful, smart and forthright.

Two days ago he stopped calling me every day (usually he called me, but not always.) Finally I called him, and asked what was going on.

He had just found out that his ex was moving to another state. He realized he still had all these feelings for her. Finally, he called me last night. He told me that he wasn't going back with her, but that he realized that he was really confused and he didn't think it was fair to me to stay with me. He said that he had been really happy, that I was everything he had been looking for (?) and that it wasn't anything I had done.

Then he said he wanted time to think about things. I agreed, partly because I too needed time to figure out what I was thinking. Everything happened so quickly, I was upset and half-wanting to end it right then and half-wanting to just make up right then. We agreed on 3 weeks.

I've been looking for breakup help. But it all seems formulated for people with breakups who hate their ex. I don't hate my ex . . he was honest with me about his feelings. If he didn't care about me as much as he thought at first, or if it wasn't something he wanted, then I would rather he tell me sooner than later. We were both caring and honest in our breakup . . . . just like in our relationship. I guess it wasn't perfect, but I was happy and content with it . . . and all along he's been saying and acting the same way.

I'm not angry. I'm not even that confused. I just really miss him. In the past, I've gotten over breakups by hoping for something better . . . but apart from these last two days, I can't even *imagine* anything better than what we had.

Anyway. If you have advice, please tell me what you think. Mostly, though, I just wanted to talk.

[Illusional]

i like how upfront your bf is. he feelts that he misses his ex and he was honest with you. that is a plus that he has a good heart on the inside. my point of view is that you should wait for him. his ex might be moving away, but i doubt that he possesses the same type of feelings for her as he does for you. he might be sad becaus he's losing a friend that he actually has had a relationship with. most people tend to have better friendships with their ex's because they have been on a different level and have been through a lot more. i think your ex is in the same situation. it's not so much that he still has feelings for her as an old gf, but more as a friend that he is losing. i believe that is what has caused him to feel this saddness and i believe you should wait for him. raverboy

[IceQueen]

Believe it or not, a better man will come along. They always do.

I have noticed you idealize your ex, and unduly so. It would help if you reexamined that relationship.

I am almost sure that the very reason behind your relationship progressing so slow is that he was [b:3b349b27c0]not completely sure[/b:3b349b27c0] about dating you in the first place. Not because [i:3b349b27c0]you[/i:3b349b27c0] were more comfortable that way. The truth is, he was contemplating getting back with his ex, while dating you. In other words, you were [b:3b349b27c0]never[/b:3b349b27c0] his first choice. It was unfair to you, and I don't see the honesty in that.

He also was keeping tabs on his ex while you were together. Otherwise, he wouldn't have known she is moving to another state, [b:3b349b27c0]and wouldn't have cared[/b:3b349b27c0].

And the fact that he just [i:3b349b27c0]stopped calling[/i:3b349b27c0] you when he learned of her moving, and you had to contact him yourself and ask what was wrong is not indicative of his honesty or sincerety either. If he were really honest, sincere, and cared about you as much as you want to believe he does, he would have told you at once. You would not have to hunt him for the answer.

Chances are, the only reason he is not getting back with his ex right now, is because [i:3b349b27c0]she[/i:3b349b27c0] does not want to. I'm thinking, it's his ex who needs the three weeks to decide if she wants to get back with him. If she says "yes," he won't come back to you.

And in what position does that put you? Not a very good one.

If after nine months of being with you, he is still in love with his ex, he is not the type of man you want. Do not hold out for him. Move on.