Complete loser here - Love Forum

C172H · #1 (**permalink**) 10-05-07, 07:43 AM

Okay, well, I moved to a new part of england last week and if that wasnt enough stress, its the 11th anniversary of my grandads death. I grew up living with him and he got me interested in planes (now im training to fly) but he died when I was 11 and he was my father figure. I'm nearly 23 now.

Anyway, i've been friends with a girl for over a year now. We get on fine..etc She broke up with her b/f a few months ago. She was quite down about it and I was always trying to support her. I always have been there for her. Shes a nice girl and I always wanted to cheer her up. Recently I told her that I liked her but she said that she wasn't ready to be with anyone. I did understand. We carried on as normal. I told her one night two weeks ago that if I ever get a g/f, I hope that its her. She said she hopes that I become her b/f eventually too. Even today she said she had a dream about me last night. Anyway, everything was fine and we were getting on. When she was down, she still talked to me about how she felt. Then last week a friend of hers took her out to the cinema. She said it was as friends, but since then they've been spending so much time together. Yesterday she text me saying that she'll be here for me today (as its the 11th anniversary of my grandads death) if I need to talk. I text her this morning and got no reply.. infact, throughout the day I sent a few texts (of which I asked how her docs appointment went) and only got one back this evening saying that she was busy and round Andy's. This evening she came on msn and told me that he said he liked her (the 3rd guy to do so since I told her how I felt about her) I had a feeling there was something going on, but she added that she told him she wasnt ready for anything. I felt completely gutted for two reasons. One, is because im almost certain she'll end up with him.. and the second reason is because I felt so let down. She knew today would be a bad day for me and she wasnt there like she promised to be. I'm not angry about it, but I have always been there for her.. and I thought thats what happens when you're friends, or when a relationship starts? You're there for them, they're there for you, you grow closer together..

Its only time until she ends up with Andy. He lives near her, and I live 30 miles away. I don't stand a chance.

It breaks my heart really. I havent been able to be with anyone for over a year and a half because of what happened with my ex, and when I do find someone nice I end up like this. I really felt bad for her during her break up with her ex and I know we'd be good together and i'd never hurt her, but i'm almost certain im set to lose out here, again.

I just feel like a complete loser. I am a nice person. I care about everyone and I always make sure that everyones okay. I also help people out with their problems every day. Everyone comments saying they dont understand why im single.. but when it comes to the crunch no one ever wants me. I don't understand why though. Even when im getting on with someone, another guy usually comes along and ruins it all. I just dont understand why I dont have any luck. I'm working towards becoming an airline pilot, so that will give me a nice financially secure future to bring up a family..etc I always make a g/f feel loved, buy her things, text/call..etc so its not as if I lack affection when i'm with someone.. but since my ex left me I can't even get one date let alone anything else. It's always a no. I must be a complete loser.

Ath · #2 (**permalink**) 10-05-07, 12:51 PM

Do you have any friends?

Frasbee · #3 (**permalink**) 10-05-07, 01:30 PM

You must be a complete loser.

Tigger_ · #4 (**permalink**) 10-05-07, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

You must be a complete loser.

take it easy Frasbee, the guy is down!!!

Ath · #5 (**permalink**) 10-05-07, 03:08 PM

No man with friends is a failure.

As for the girl.. you've told her how you feel. It's now up to her what she wants to do with that information. Try to not get down about it until something negative happens.

Chimeros0 · #6 (**permalink**) 10-05-07, 05:42 PM

Your only a loser if you give up!

A girl knows when she is being appreciated & takes all details into concern.
For instance if you had to drive & visit her @ least twice a week,she would start getting pulled towards you because your putting in effort.She also knows your a good guy & keeps you on the side lines because of it.
Prove to her that you are more then a bench warmer or shoulder to cry on in this relationship.

Be there for her,as girls take allot more in a relationship then guys.
They need it to be kept interested.

C172H · #7 (**permalink**) 10-05-07, 08:28 PM

Ath and Chimeros0,

Thank you for posting responsible advice. I appreciate it. I do indeed have friends but most live about 50 miles away. I'm in the process of getting a car though. That way i'll be able to see her a few times a week hopefully. She also stated interest in coming flying with me sometime too which we'll also organise.

I suppose the spanner that was thrown into the works was after I posted this topic last night when I recieved a text message from her stating that she wants time to herself for the next month. She has exams so she says thats her reason for wanting space. So I think that kinda causes a few problems because she'll still see Andy daily. So my question now is, how do I be more than a bench warmer and shoulder to cry on when shes wanting space? I don't want us to drift apart.

Thanks very much for the helpful advice.

Gigabitch · #8 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 12:15 AM

Ouch. Clearly, she is not the girl for you. Stop throwing energy down that well and focus on yourself for awhile.

Sometimes I think that being the shoulder to cry on is the worst thing a guy can do. Not always- my current bf was my shoulder to cry on when I needed him, but it seems like this backfires for more guys than not.

Miss hotty · #9 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 12:18 AM

Nobody is any Complete loser

Frasbee · #10 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 02:19 AM

I was just agreeing with him.

Tigger_ · #11 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 02:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Ouch. Clearly, she is not the girl for you. Stop throwing energy down that well and focus on yourself for awhile.

Sometimes I think that being the shoulder to cry on is the worst thing a guy can do. Not always- my current bf was my shoulder to cry on when I needed him, but it seems like this backfires for more guys than not.

I completely agree with you giga... usually the nice guys get too attached to the person... happens to me all the time,

C172H · #12 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 02:51 AM

Frasbee,

Thanks for agreeing with me but I don't really need to be told im a loser if thats how I feel at the time anyway. As this is an advice site do you ever think about how others take your advice? Maybe you should because respecting others is pretty important and people generally join sites like this because they need advice, not to be degraded even further.

Gigabitch,

Thanks for your kind advice. I am feeling a little better today.. but I suppose that could change. I havent heard from her at all, but I understand she needs space, for whatever reason.

When I was her shoulder to cry on I had no intention of getting with her. We just seemed to grow pretty close over time. She is a good catch, for whoever ends up with her.

I'm going to have some Me time next week. I maybe going down to London for a week on the weekend to visit my dad, so hopefully that will help. Along with that I think i'll just try focusing on the flying. If she gets into contact with me then thats great but if she just wants to be friends or have little contact then thats fine. It will hurt abit, but i've been a good person to her and I know im a good person in general really and I just keep faith that someone will eventually see a good b/f in me one day.

C172H · #13 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 02:52 AM

Oh Tigger, thanks for your input also!

Gigabitch · #14 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 02:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C172H

Oh Tigger, thanks for your input also!

Tigger is hot.

Frasbee · #15 (**permalink**) 11-05-07, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C172H

Frasbee,

Thanks for agreeing with me but I don't really need to be told im a loser if thats how I feel at the time anyway. As this is an advice site do you ever think about how others take your advice? Maybe you should because respecting others is pretty important and people generally join sites like this because they need advice, not to be degraded even further.

I am quicker to respect those who respect themselves.

As do most people.

In any case, there's a balance of advice to be found here. Often Giga, Vash, or some other individual will probably counter-balance any "harsh" point I aim to make.