Well Answer This Then......

[confusedBoy]

Ok, my dilemma is this. I am 26, and found the love of my life and went out with her for 9 months. We were wonderful and perfect and crazy for each other. I had to go and work in London (I'm from NZ) and she decided to go on her Overseas Experience (OE) while I did this. We were meant to wait for each other but she lived it up in France, met a guy and he proposed to her (after a few weeks) - she was caught up in the moment and said yes and got pregnant to him too.

I was gutted (understandibly) but tried to put it behind me, then a couple of months later I got a letter from her saying she was stuck and didn't love this guy and that she felt nothing for him compared to me. So I rang her and she said she was stuck but was still going to go ahead with the marriage.

That was 3 months ago and I still cannot get over her, no matter how hard I have tried. I have had two relationships in the last 5 months with other people and no matter how awesome they are, all I think of is her. Its 8 months since we've been apart and I have been single for about 4 months of that, and still can't get over her. I have an incredibly active social/sports life, and am doing really well in my job - but still there is part of me that is always pining for her.

I don't know what to do - I know everyone says move on, but does anyone have a similar experience - because I know what we had was soooo amazing and incredible and I want it and her back badly. And all the songs I listen to seem to say that I should never give up and "if you saw your dream would you walk by?" and "no matter what it takes I'll wait here for you"........

Do I wait for her, try to contact her, get counselling or what?

Help!!!!!

[Illusional]

sure you may have had a great relationship but remember that is all in the past. you're only going to remember the good times, but you're not facing reality. the memories brighten up your days but at the same time, make you sad. realize that she has moving on and is in a situation where she might want to be with you, but probably won't. even is she wants to be with you, she doesn't seem to be willing to tell her fiance off so i guess that on the real, you didn't mean as much to her as you had wanted to.

now moving on, true everyone will tell you to move and date again, but WAIT until you're ready. being that you get into other relationships but still miss this one girl, you're only going to hurt those that you come in contact with and that's not fair to them. the only way you're going to get over this one girl is that you will have to realize that she's not comming back no matter how long you wait or how much you want her because she's getting married. open your eyes and see the light because it's beaming down on you. raverboy

[IceQueen]

Excuse me, but "wait for her to do" what exactly? Divorce her current husband? 'Cause that ain't happening, and deep down you know that.


And even if there is a slight chance of that, you don't want her back, because -- just face the truth with me here -- you can't trust her anymore. After all, she cheated on you with someone else, and only told you when she got knocked up. And there's no relationship without trust.


Besides, she can't be thinking much of you, if she went sleeping around (or even "meeting guys" and "living it up") behind your back. Have some self-respect, and snap out of it. Don't listen to those sappy songs that remind you of her. Change them to songs that will help your healing process instead of impeding it.


You seem to think that the best way to get over someone is to start dating somebody else. Let me tell you, it's not. Active social life is fine, but what the hell are you doing thinking that your rebound relationships will work? They won't! You have to be over her before you start dating.


Now, let's review the definition of being "caught up in the moment." You get caught up in the moment when you're thinking of something else and step into a pile of doggie doo. When you decide to marry someone you make a choice. And she made hers.


It couldn't have been all that "amazing and incredible," if she went ahead and ****ed another guy. Whatever you do, do not contact her. Forget it, it's in the past.

[corewarp]

It's -all- about self-respect, never forget that. You loved a girl, and she treated you really bad. YOU deserve a girl who truly loves you back, because you are the kind of guy who doesn't take that kind of crap, r-i-g-h-t? :)

I know, some parts of you thinks stuff like "What if she -really- regrets what she's done", or "Everyone deserves a second chance".

Ignore that. You have better things to do, right? Find out more about yourself and what makes you happy, because if you rely all your happiness on a girl (or anything else than yourself) - you can never be truly happy.

I admire you for taking the risk of love though, takes a lot to do that, and get back up gain. So best of luck to you! Would like to hear what's happening later on..

- corewarp

[confusedBoy]

Deep down I know that theres nothing for me and I need to move on (which I have been attempting to). After quite a few months now, I still find myself feeling hurt and thinking about her lots.

The first time I was deeply in love (this is the second time), it took me about 3-4 months and then I did get over it, but it has been 7 months or so now, and I am still feeling confused, upset, hurt etc and think a lot about things still.

Is this normal? How long should it take to get over? It was the closest (emotionally) I have ever been with a person - we had a very very deep relationship and I think thats why its hard to stop thinking about it.

Also part of me is worried that I will never find someone else who I will be so close too.................

[Illusional]

believe it or not, there is no set time it will take someone to get over another person. it's just a feeling that when you've obtained it, you'll know that you're ready to move on. it takes everyone different amounts of time to get over other people and some people never really get over others. but eventually everything will return to normal. the ocean is never violent forever, it has its calm moments too. raverboy

[shafkore]

My heart truly goes out to you. Love is the disguised savage of emotion. It will cut your heart out in an instant.

shafkore

[confusedBoy]

Yes, I posted this originally sometime at the end of 2001, and while I have moved on with my life, and things are going as good as I could have ever hoped in most areas, including a new relationship, I still miss her heaps.

I was more close with her than I have been with any person ever in my life and we were the best of friends also, getting into all sorts of adventures together. Every so often, something will happen or someone will say something and I just really get how much I miss her, and a whole lot of emotion comes flooding back. The rest of the time I don't really think too much about her, or dwell on anything, but there is a part of me that is always pining for her beneath all my other feelings.

It seems to me, that loving someone like that and being so amazingly close with them and then having them not want to even know you and say that you meant nothing is the most painful thing that could happen to someone. My father died while I was growing up (who I was very close with), and this even outstrips the pain from that.......

I know there are lots of others out there who have gone through similar things, and even worse things, and my heart goes out to them. I really hope that they, whoever they may be have been able to deal with their situations and not let it damage their lives.