how can i forget someone?

[investiie]

Hi all,
I had a crush (maybe more than just a crush - any standardized measurement?) with a guy - one of my tutors at uni. He's just attractive to me in many ways. But, he doesnt love me (at all), and he is going to get married next year.

I know, I dont have any chance to get him. Not even to be his friend. He's just a tutor and i'm his student. I know that, i am really aware of that.

But still, I cant forget him.. I still *always* cry when i remember him. I always want to cry when i attend his tute class.. in fact, i always want to cry everytime i see him. phew. sounds ridiculous, isn't it?

Well.. i try to smile.. but still i cant.

anyone had any idea, suggestion, comment, advice.. on how to forget someone? ive tried.. but i still dont manage to do that.

thanks!

[</3]

stop going to his tutoring classes .. haha ..
go find another tutor

[Gigabitch]

You'll probably never forget him. I still remember guys I used to have massive crushes on- they stay with you forever.

I don't think about them all the time, though, because I have a life that doesn't include them. That's what you need. He's taking up too much real estate in your head, and if you were to fill up your life with other things and people, he would recede to where he belongs, in the place where we keep fond memories.

[sadie_genie]

I know exactly how you feel. Once you have genuine feeling for a person it's so hard to detach yourself. Sometimes it's takes a long time to get over someone even if you haven't really been romantically involved with them or maybe even NEVER be completely over him. There is no shame in crying and experiencing your emotions. Emotions only make you human (remember that). I suggest that you allow yourself to cry as much as you want and allow yourself as long as you need to get over him. Try not to see him too much as this will aggravate your pain. Maybe even noticing some great guys around you will help. Do not confess your feelings for him because this will only complicate things. Once you have done enough crying, you will eventually get tired of it and move on. I hope my advice helps.

[Frasbee]

The more you "try" to forget somebody the more attention you're giving to them.

Don't try.

Just accept it, and start putting your energy into other things.

Eventually that shit fades.

[DoesntMatter]

I guess my post may be a little more optimistic than the others I had 1 major infatuation in 7th/8th grade, and then one again in 10th. I'm a guy but I'll be honest, I cried too over those crushes (at the time, that is). Now, I don't feel for them at all. I emotionally forgot all about them. This isn't an exaggeration by any means either. How did I do it? I don't really know. I had some major personality changes during that time, so perhaps my brain rewired itself in some way.

Nonetheless, that really sucks. What is sad about humans is that, despite being compatible with sooooo many different people, you learn to "love" just one, concentrate all your emotions on them, and end up getting ****ed over. But it is possible to forget about them with a little bit of time. For me, some serious stress from other areas of my life probably helped me to "forget". Guess I'm just lucky, but maybe you will be too! Good luck

[DoesntMatter]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

The more you "try" to forget somebody the more attention you're giving to them.

Har har that's a damn fine point you make Fras

[Ellynn]

I can relate. More then you know.

I met him about a yr ago. I didn't think twice about him at first.(He wasn't my type at all!) As the yr progressed, I got these "vibes" from him that he was interested. My curiousity got peaked, and before I knew it, I fell for him. In our conversations we just clicked. Everything seemed perfect, except the fact that he was my instructor(around my age) and also in a LDR. Glances were exchanged(i caught him staring a lot, we flirted, there were several different times when he "accidentally" touched me or brushed up against me,complimented me, caught my eye and just smiled at me.. I tried to avoid it as much as possible, but my feelings for him were there and just seemed to get stronger over time. When my mom died, he told me I could "talk" to him if I needed to talk. I was flattered, but never took him up on the offer. I was afraid of getting too close, because it was too risky seeing the conditions.
Then I heard about his plans(from others) to get engaged to his gf. I was crushed, but put on a brave face and acted like I didn't care. The flirting still continued.on his end...but the more it happened, the more I fell for him. I kept it all to myself. I couldn't/ and still really can't....tell a soul. It hurts.....and deep down I'm crushed inside, but what can you do? I know that I probably will never end up w/ him and have to face him yet again this yr. I decided though towards the end of last semester....to just give him the cold shoulder. I realized that the more I avoided him and the less I spent talking to him, that it was what was best for me..... I realize that it was all probably his way of feeding his ego.....or of me giving him the attention he craved from his gf (because she was far away.) He probably just missed her.... Who knows?

Point is, it's painful. Its best to leave it alone. As hard as it is, its just better that way. He is otherwise a very nice guy and I'm sure his gf is a very nice person as well. I respect that....and I want him to be happy. So, This is what I plan to do. I'm trying to keep this all in mind and just move on.

I hope you have good luck doing the same....

If I have learned anything about moving on......time, avoidence, and facing reality help. Could you get a new tutor by any chance?

[investiie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by </3

stop going to his tutoring classes .. haha ..
go find another tutor

haha.. if only i can do that.. the schedule cant be changed now. i'll *have* to go to his tute and lab, unless i skip them..
yeah, just take the positive side. at least i can see him, hear his voice.. and pretend him to be mine, talking to me only instead of talking to the whole class

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frasbee

The more you "try" to forget somebody the more attention you're giving to them.

Don't try.

Just accept it, and start putting your energy into other things.

Eventually that shit fades.

well, thats *quite* true.. i've heard this words before, but, yeah, things are a lot easier said than done. but i'll try that. nice advice..!

thanks for all who replied.. i really appreciate it. knowing that i'm not the only one to feel this way makes me more comfortable.. and more confident to face this pain.

and also, more comfortable to see *him*, tomorrow. tomorrow is tuesday, isnt it? have i mentioned that my tute and lab are both tuesday?

thats why i always call my tuesdays as "grey tuesday".. because i feel like there's a cloud inside my heart that make my day gloom. besides, his eyes are grey.. so it's just really a "grey tuesday" for me.. haha..

[investiie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ellynn

I respect that....and I want him to be happy.

haha.. that's definitely my definition of "love", that loving someone doesnt mean that i have to have him mine. however, when we love someone, can we not want to have him/her at all?

maybe i just need some time.. to be able to say from deep down in my heart "as long as you're happy, i'll be happy too."

wish i can say that sentence soon.

[vashti]

If I were you, I would try to figure out what qualities specifically you are attracted to in him. You might not be able to have him, but you might be able to find someone else who has the qualities you admire.

Good luck.

Oh, and I should confess that I had a HUGE crush on one of my professors. It is really very common to admire people who are so gifted.

[investiie]

hmm.. the qualities?
1. he _looks_ smart (from the way he explaining things and his experience on his works that i know)
2. he's cute!
3. he's friendly
4. he has grey eyes.. actually this is the one of the first things that got me attracted to him.. and i think grey eyes is not very common, is it? he's got such lovely eyes - too lovely to describe

hmm.. cant think of anything else.. but i think those are the _main_ things that i adore from him.

[uri]

When you have a crush on someone, it's hard to think about something else but them. Thoughts of the person often break into your mind even if you are trying not to think of them. If the object of your affection doesn't share your feelings it can spark a sense of loss, yearning and frustration that may prove hard to overcome. Those who experience unrequited crush often feel at first that given enough time the object of their affections will come to feel the same way. Only as time progresses does it become clear that this is not going to happen. The reasons can be:

1. She is already in love with someone else.
2. She cannot love you because she hasn't met you so she doesn't know you exist. She cannot know that you love her if she hasn't met you.
3. She already has a boyfriend and she loves him.
4. She is already married and she loves her husband. She will never love you if she already loves her husband.
5. She is a celebrity and she dates only celebrities. Not everyone looks like Leonardo Dicaprio or Kian Egan after all.

Only time can help get strong emotions into perspective. Real love should make you happy and contented not miserable and anxious. Unrequited love can never be anything but painful. Although it is hard to accept that this person doesn't return your feelings, it may help you to know that the pain you now feel will be erased from your heart when you find someone who does love you back. It's easy to become withdrawn from everyday life when you're bewitched by someone who doesn't feel the same way, but it's vital that you get out and fill your time constructively.

Go out a lot and see other men. Surround yourself with family and friends, and lean on them to help regain control. Talking will help get things in perspective.

[LoVeD_uP]

oh man dis is da same problem wid me aswell...kinda.

im still tryin 2 forget abt her..but i cant.

i may be a male..but i cry at nite thinkin abt her n da time we spend together.

she lives a thousand of miles away frm me.
she lives in America.

anyways wot im trying to do now is keep her in my mind and not lettin her get to me

[Ellynn]

It is torture though, having to see them. Then when you find them glancing at you while you are another class w/ another teacher, thats even more torturous.