in need of words of wisdom... please help!

[chicago182]

ok.. so here's my dilemma
about a year ago i met a guy who i clicked with immediately. we got along great and had an awesome night hanging out with mutual friends. He took down my number and we talked on and off for a while. We kind of lost touch... Roger started seeing this girl and i got back together with my boyfriend (who i was on break with at the time Roger and I met). About 2 months later, I ended it with my ex because he had cheated on me and i finally came to my senses... at the same exact time, Roger's girlfriend did the same to him and they ended it. We started talking again and talked each other through the same hurtful situation. We knew how much we were both hurting and we consoled each other and became amazing friends. 1 month later, after spending a ton of time together and still soothing the pain each of us were still going through, Roger kissed me. It was something I wasn't expecting, but I kissed him back.
At the time, I was casually seeing 2 other people on and off but nothing serious. I thought Roger and I were kind of the same way- having moved on to seeing each other and not really serious BUT Roger thought differently.
He told me one night a few weeks later that he "would never hurt me" and hoped i would never cheat on him. Scared to hurt him, I quickly ended everything else i had going on, and saw Roger exclusively. I truly loved him and knew i didn't want to lose him... or hurt him.
The whole beginning of the relationship, he was still sore from his ex and we were still kind of consoling each other... but it worked and we made it work.
I've been seeing Roger for about 8 months now... and I really do Love him BUT I don't feel that this is right anymore. He's a great guy (sweet to me, treats me well and completely faithful), an awesome friend, but we don't seem to really connect the way I connected with my last boyfriend of 3 years. I'm not comparing the two, but I just don't feel any sparks between us. I know he's really in Love with me, but as of now, I know it's just not as mutual... and I don't think it's right to continue seeing each other if i don't think it's going anywhere.
I don't want to hurt him, but right now I really feel like I need time to grow and expand my life. I'm going for a new job interview and he's going to be working full time at a new firm a few towns away... it just feels like it's time for a change.
About a week ago i mentioned breaking up, but i used someother argument we had as an excuse.... we worked it out and now i'm afraid to bring it up again.
I'm so confused but i need to know whether what i'm doing is the right thing or if i'm just being foolish.... also i don't know how to break it to him. I'm still afraid to hurt him... so i can't drop it on him suddently
Please help!
~~Confused in Chicago~~

[Illusional]

seeing that you have already seemed to have made your decision i think that you should be honest with him. after all, he was a good bf to you so he deserves to know the truth. using an old argument with him isn't the right thing to do. you know that he deserves better than this. raverboy

[angelface]

Hi Chicago.
Yeah, this is really weird, cause I've been going through a pretty similar situation. Here's my story:
I met this guy at school, and I knew he really liked me, but at the time I didn't want to date him. We started hanging out like friends tho, and I started to like him too. So a couple of months ago we started dating. And well, I knew he was in love with me, and way too fast, I fell in love with him.
The thing is that I had some things going through my head recently, telling me things about him that I didn't want in the man I would spend my life with. But I decided to overlook them and just go with it. Well, we went to see my family, and without ever mentioning a thing to anyone, they brought up the "little" things I was planning to ignore. So, at this point, I realized that it wasn't going to work out. And don't get me wrong, he's wonderful to me, treats me so good, loves me like no one besides my family has ever loved me before, but it just didn't make sense to keep dragging him along when we're on different pages in our relationship--like you, I did not see our relationship going anywhere.
It was SO hard for me, but I broke up with him yesterday. I was in your shoes where I really do care about him and I know he loves me so much and I didn't want to break his heart or hurt him in any way. But now that I've done it, I feel so much better. We talked about it, and though it hurts me, and probably hurts him even more, I know it was the right thing to do. The way I see it, we will make really great friends. For right now I feel like I have done the right thing, and I have a peace that he will be alright. And so will I.
Another thing is that I also almost broke up with him once already, mentioned some things that weren't working for me, and he agreed to change. So bringing it up again, I apologized for not realizing that his changing wouldn't change us. I tried to be honest with him about everything, and as gentle as possible at the same time.
About being confused, don't let yourself be. Someone gave me this advice, "You know what you should do. Do that!" I don't believe confusion is part of a healthy relationship.
Okay, and the last thing you mentioned was that you didn't know HOW to break up with him. I didn't know how either...that scared me...I'm not sure what to tell you except to try to be gentle and honest. That's all I could do. I hope this helps some. Good luck, Chicago!

Angelface