i can't hurt him

[starra]

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months. I love him, but i'm starting to think i only love him as a friend. He's my best friend in the world but i know our relationship isn't going anywhere and it never will. I'm begining to find myself annoyed with him over little things that he does and being short with him. I don't want to be mean to him, but he really gets on my nerves sometimes. He's a really nice guy, but he doesn't have alot of friends and has a low self esteem. I'm the first girlfriend he's ever had (he's 18), and he tells me stuff like i'm so pretty and he can't believe he has me. I've tried to build his self esteem up but it hasn't worked. I don't want to make him sad because i know getting dumped is awful, and i'm not sure how he will take it. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to say it, and i don't know if i could do it. I know i will be in an "i hate myself" rut for a month if i hurt him. Does anyone have any advice?

[Illusional]

being that life isn't the easiest course to take and everyone has to deal with it's consequences, i believe that you should be honest with him. no matter which way you tell this to him, it won't be easy and he won't jump for joy at the thought of you leaving. of course it will break his heart but if this is what your decision is, to leave him, then you're going to have to face reality and tell him so.

i've been in your shoes before where i didn't want to be with a girl any longer and she did have a low self esteem. honestly in the long run, they might not change but if you point out this one fact about them, they may hate you for it, but eventually they will see a part of themself that they need to work on. life always brings happiness, but how often does it bring pain. ask yourself this. raverboy

[IceQueen]

What you are doing right now is wasting time -- both your own, and his. So he has low self-esteem. Well, whoopity-doo. What are you going to do, stay with him forever just because he has no friends?

Relationships are supposed to bring both of you you joy, and not just him. I realize that you probably think you are simply being a nice and sensitive person. In reality, you are trying, or soon will be trying (consciously or subconsciously), to get him to stop liking you, so you can finally get rid of him.

You are probably tortured by guilt. But the fact is, he is no more benefitting from this one-sided relationship than you are (no matter what he says). When you end it, you will create an opportunity for him, as well as yourself, to finally be truly happy in more emotionally fulfilling relationships.

I'm going to echo Nike's ad here. Just do it. And get over with it. If you can't bring yourself to break up with him in person (i.e. he's the kind of guy who will cry, say that he can't live a day without you, and pull all kinds of other emotionally manipulative crap), do it over the phone and do it quickly.

Now about the rut. There is no rut when you end it with a person you are not in love with. There's just this big, overwhelming feeling of relief. As a matter of fact, you condemn yourself to a rut if you stay with him. It can drag on for years, and it'll just be a big affectionless waste of time. Just take my word for it.