She Cheated...aaaahhhh!!!!

[backstabbed]

It's been three months since I broke up with my gf who I've been with for 7 years. We broke up after she admittingly confessed that she was cheating behind my back. She was talking to another guy the past few weeks and couldn't get him out of her mind. She didn't know why she was feeling that way. She said she tried so hard not to think of him, but he would always linger inside her mind all day long. I was crushed by the confession...so that was the end of our relationship.

The past few days, I've been talking to her over the phone about her new relationship was going. Based on what she has told me, it appears she's beginning to have second thoughts about this new guy. She thinks it's not going to work out between them. I told if you're not happy, why don't you get out while it's still early? She said, "I made my decision...I followed my feelings...I don't know if it's right or wrong...if it doesn't work out, I'm willing to accept it". She went on and said, "It has already STARTED...I can't go back", I didn't really understand what she meant. I said "what do you mean...you sound like he's got a knife behind your back". When I asked her what she meant by that, she said she couldn't tell me. (Help me here girls, what do you think she meant by this?) My guess here is that when a girl is passionate enough about her inner-most feelings, she tends to follow what her heart says and not look back on it. I also think these feelings that she has for the other guy is so new that she doesn't know how to react. She has never been with anyone except me ever since she finished high school. Could it be she doesn't want to let go of this newly found feeling because she would ponder on the question "what might had it been if I stayed with him (the new guy)"?

I asked her if she still loved me...she also said she could tell me either. I think she still loves me (7 years is long time), but she knows she made a bad move and would feel even more guilty if she was to get back with me again.

I'm not looking to get back with her (at least not now) because of what she did to me, however, I still care for her very much. I just want her to be happy with what she does/have in her life. I should hate her for what she did, but it would only hurt me more if thought about it. I need to slowly let go and move on.

Do you think we will get back in the future?
Do you think time will heal all (at least some) wounds?
Should I continue to be her best friend?

Also, through those 7 years I developed a very close relationship with her parents. They treat me as though I was one of there sons. There hasn't been a single instance that I felt they didn't like me. Anyway, only her mom knows that me and my ex have broken up. She said if her dad found out about this, he would go crazy and will kick my ex out of the house. Her dad has been asking her mom the past month as to why I haven't been over to visit. She said I've been busy with work and stuff. Her mom called me a few days ago and invited me to come over this weekend for a birthday party. I told her that I had thinkgs to do and will try to be there.

Should I go?

[bluesummer]

Oh, I feel for you my friend. I am pretty much the exact same situation as you right now, and Im just as confused.

But I'll tell you one thing......if you do truly value her, keep her as a friend. You don't have to ditch all the people around you who you've become close to either, just because you guys broke up.

My bf's sister still wants to take me on a vacation with her, and she knows we broke up. In fact, she said she'd be insulted if I just cut ties with the family because him and I aren't 'together'.

Just be a friend, and don't beat yourself up over it. Im working through the thought now that if it's meant to work out. it will. I think when she said she thought she couldn't go back, she just felt like she'd already ruined your relationship and felt too humiliated to 1) ask for you back, ever, and 2) tell this guy she wanted her ex back.

Hope that helps

[jane]

ok.. this may sound harsh...

No dont go.

Her birthday party? She cheated on you ... Love is a huge committement made by TWO people.. not one who HOPES the other feels the same.
If she loves you, she would have never done that .. ever. You will get over her.. it will take time and believe me .. I KNOW.

I dated the same guy for 7 years .. and he cheated on me with my best friend... who... he is now MARRIED too.

Im over it, you'll get over it too.

I wish you luck!
Take care of yourself.. noone else will.

[IceQueen]

What the **** are you doing talking to her altogether?? Stop that immediately, if you ever wanna get completely over her.

[squirrley]

HOLY HELL ICE IS OUT TONIGHT SHE USED THE F WORD

OMFG!!!

Dont go to that party....Im sure everyone knows what happened. So have some self respect and let her know youre not playing that shit!

[bluesummer]

Wow, you guys are cold! Isnt anyone here friends with their ex's or their families? I am. It all worked out fine, no disrespect.

[sfalexi]

To remain friends with the ex or the family it pretty much either has to be a mutual wanting of the breakup, or a LONG time apart before you try to become friends again. Otherwise, it's pretty near impossible.

[backstabbed]

Thanks bluesummer...you have to be in the situation in order to understand the situation - and you did.

Jane - it her (ex's) little niece's birthday.

True, she cheated on me and that's totally wrong, but she did it because I let it happen. During the time I was with her, I fell in to the comfort zone...I slow began to not put any efforts in to the relationship. For example, everyday when I come home from work, I would look tired, unmotivated, and passive towards her. All I cared about was myself...I did my things (eat, watch TV, surf the Net, etc.) and pretty much ignored the simplest things in a relationship...COMMUNICATION. We were drifting apart because I began to not talk to her about how she felt and what we could have done to make the relationship work. So I feel I was partly to blame for the failed relationship. She had the right to let me go...and her reason to let go was to find someone who will give her the attention she needs.

It's funny how us mens (at least me) tend to take for granted the things (i.e. gf) that he has in his hands, and when he realizes she's gone, he regrets what he used to have.

What do you guys think about my situation?
Do you think she (ex) did the right thing by leaving me?

As for the party, I going to go...not to have some respect for myself, but I feel I have a valuable relationship with my ex's parents. They treat as though I was part of the their family and I feel the same way, too. I'm not going to let the breakup btween me and my ex stand in the way. My ex's parents did do anything to me...why should I avoid seeing them? To me, if you respect me, I will respect you back and vice versa.

[sfalexi]

Quote:

True, she cheated on me and that's totally wrong, but she did it because I let it happen.

UNless you said, "Honey, it's ok for you to have sex with someone else while we're dating" or something of that effect, then you didn't LET anything happen. You can't PREVENT cheating or STOP it from happening. You just have to have someone you can trust enough not to do it. Obviously, she wasn't that person.

Quote:

What do you guys think about my situation?
Do you think she (ex) did the right thing by leaving me?

From what you descrive above, no, I don't think she did the right thing. The right thing would have been to at least TALK to you about it and give you an opportunity to go back to how you were and try to make it work. Not just pack up and leave when something goes wrong. That attitude will just have you running away your entire life. However if she DID talk to you about it, and nothing was resolved, then yes. It's better her get out than have to be in a relationship that obviously isn't headed in a direction she wants to go. But still there's NO excuse for cheating.

Alexi

[Rach]

If I were you I would definately cut all ties with your ex. I was ina relationship for 3 years (certainly not as long as you and your ex) but he cheated on me. I took him back and forgave and forgot, and he did it again! Once a cheater always a cheater! You in no way should blame yourself for nothing but going back to her if you do, or staying all friendly with her. She cheated, and if you go back she knows she can do anything to you adn you'll always take her back. You just need to move on, and I know it's hard believe me, but it's the only way to get over it and move on fully with your life.

[backstabbed]

You guys are right...I'm going to cut off all ties with her starting today!
"Once a cheater always a cheater" is so true Rach.

Thanks for your input Alexi, you made me realized that she didn't give me a chance to change or a chance to work things out. I can't believe I was so blinded by her...aaaahhhhh!

[Illusional]

i think that ice used the f word many times before. well alright, maybe just once. i mean c'mon who wouldn't expect it out of her? raverboy

[steffan]

Hi backstabbed! I feel for you, really. It is clear that you haven't deserve that. Your nick name tell us all and you haven't picked it without a good reason. You know that better then us. Right now I sense that you are doubting and questioning yourself if perhaps you are for blame. That's ridicules, please stop hurting yourself, it is really painful to watch. I don't know really why good guys are always partially blaming themselves for something bad that others have done to them? Why do we (yes, I'm a good guy too... ) torture ourselves even more when we are already hurt? Well, I'm not a psychiatrist and I can only speak from my experience and from my point of view. First, it is not YOU who has took for granted your relationship it is HER! She has cheated you not the other way... as it for your "crime" for being relaxed in your relationship, I really don't know what she could expect after 7 years, to write her a love serenades and to sing them under the window? Come on, if you had any problems in your relationship at least she could try with YOU to solve them and not to run in other relation... every relationship have it's ups and downs that is quite normal... you cannot expect that everything is perfect, but that is good because that leaves us always some space for improvements, something new to try and do... changes are good but that doesn't necessarily means that we all should now start cheating our partners... just imagine that... on second thought let's better not... to conclude, your girlfriend is bad and very selfish person... she didn't care or think about you, how will you feel and she has hurt you badly... you have all rights to hate her.... I would hate her guts on your place and I wouldn't forgive her ever! I would treat her as she deserves, as a complete stranger! Show her no emotions... be merciful, that will hurt her the most... she's the loser, not you, only thing is that she still doesn't know that... but they all DO one day... ... sweat revenge... they all cry and beg at the end... I wouldn't go on that stupid birthday too, nor should I maintain contact with anyone who is related to her... parents, friends... forget about her and just move on.... she doesn't deserve you, so better start looking some girl that does... and treat her well, don't let her suffer because of your ex... remember that...