Pull her back again or let her go?

[Ciderman]

Hi all,

I could do with outsiders view on my story so here goes,

Have been with my g/f for 15 years, bought a place together about 7 years ago, all was going great for about another 3 years when she bought up having kids !! now at the time I wasn't ready, still felt that we had a lot to do before properly settling down etc, anyway she left, I did all the things a heart broken bloke does,promised to change, sent letters, poems ect nothing seemed to work and I started to give up, anyway six months later I had a call from her mate saying that my ex wanted to get back together, the grass wasn't greener on the other side!!

So, I had her back and although from the outside every thing was great I just couldn't get my old self back, I stopped doing the things that made me who I was, no enthusiasm to do anything and I couldn't work it out !! I had the girl I loved and wanted to be with but was not happy on the inside.

We got engaged but I still didn't feel right in myself and eventually she decided (about 3 years later) that we needed to have some time apart and left again, again sent flowers and letters like the first time she left. She came back about 4 months later but I think because I chased her she came back before she was ready.

So about 6 six months have passed since she came back and she has decided to separate from me again, saying that she just doesn't feel it anymore, still loves me but not in love with me and doesn't believe in me or that I want to have kids and get married, when really I do.

Anyway I went to see my doctor to try and sort out why I was like I was, turns out that I have been "depressed" since the first time she left, hence no enthusiasm to do anything, romantic walks and things, I just couldn't see the point in doing Doh!!

After telling here this she stayed in our spare room for another couple of weeks, while I again begged her to stay and that things will be different know we know I had a problem, before telling me basically that she didn't believe me and that she was leaving anyway and to decide whether to sell the house or me to buy her out. She has now moved out with some but not all of her stuff and doesn't seem in much of a hurry to take the rest!

I am getting help for my depression so I can sort myself out and I know that I will be ok but I so much want her back so we can get back to where we were before I became ill.

The thing I am struggling with is if she felt anything for me surly she would stay and help the bloke she has said she loved and wanted to marry get over his illness so we could move on and have kids. I understand it was probably a shock for her to find out about my depression as it was for me but I am getting better.

What should I do now?

I think I should I leave her for a bit, try and stay out of her way, I so want to chase but I don't want her back if she don't want it.

Sorry for the long post but thought it best to put everything down in one go.

Cheers
Ciderman

[BigCeege]

Man this sounds like a tough situation...it sounds like she really does love you but doesn't know if you are serious enough. You should try getting out and meeting other women, if she sees you doing that she may realize that she needs to make her damn mind up!

[vashti]

I don't think many women would hang around for 15 years waiting to get married. If you want to keep her (should the opportunity arise), I think you should elope right away. After all these years, you should know whether or not she is a keeper.

You can have a traditional wedding later.

[Ciderman]

Thanks for the replies,

She is defo a keeper, I quite like the eloping idea, but I'm just not sure what to do now All the other advice I have read says to have as little contact with her as possible unless she wants to talk about the relationship.

It has been about 3 weeks since she moved out and in that time she has text me a couple times to arrange picking some of her things up which she did last weekend, we spoke briefly and I explained that I need some time to get my head round everything.

I think I will write her a letter trying to explain my true feelings for her without looking like I'm begging her to come back (that would give the wrong message) and post it in the mail to her, that way it doesn't look like I'm just trying to see her.

Any thoughts?

I do love her very much and she has said she still loves me so I am sure there is still something worth chasing.

Cheers

[danhowe04]

Regardless of what your approach is, you need to show her that you're a confident guy who has ambition and wants to do things. You have to BE this guy - her feelings won't change for you if you're faking it.

You need to show her that you're committed to making a btter life for yourself and being a strong individual, and that you're willing to work on things with her (but don't come off emotional or needy).