A very strong relationship ended, what can I do to get her back!

[dogdylan]

I’m a 23 year Old Swedish University student just being dumped by my “High School” love after five years relationship. I love her Biblical, we had everything and she loved me by all her heart. This girl is like the best you can get and we have built up a loving “friendship” that I think is unique in a relationship. She dumped me yesterday! We had our issues but we always sort it out. First it was economical, I lost my scholarship but I got it back and got me a well paid job outside my studies. After that everything was working terrific for three years. After the summer 2007 things started to get bad. My best friends started to move from our city. I had just my few “boring” friends left, living with their girlfriends doing couple stuff or just wanted to go out and have a beer once every month. I felt alone and started nag about it all the time. I felt alone and soon I lost my side job. This was four months ago after a London trip to visit my friend. She got mad when I said I wanted to focus on my studies and not get a new job. After the New Year 2008 she refused to have sex with me and when we had sex she refused to kiss me.

She said that she didn’t feel that she needed it. The reason was likely all my nagging, me not supporting her during a very heavy weight lost and that I put everything like big social gatherings and a lot of other stuff on her table to fix. I did not get my “good” social life back I started to be little introvert and little depressive. I just hanged out with my friends left in the city once a week. A the second best “girl” friend (she is very nice and carrying for us) of my ex asked me at a party for three month ago why I was avoided “social gatherings” and why we never hanged out as couple anymore like going to her birthday party as a team, like we always did before. I didn’t say anything to her. But my ex had started that time saying that I was not fitting in anymore and that “Our” friends didn’t like me. I was too deep, not an easy going guy. When she dumped me she said that she wanted to hang out with happy, nice, easy people, living there life.

We started to fight about me doing “nothing” except studying and that I didn’t was social enough. The money was not an issue. I have some savings. Soon she started to hang around with some very outgoing “Gay men” and party people and I was excluded from it. My ex and her best friend (She is very social and hate commitment) bought a trip to Asia Six weeks ago. She called me the first week and sent a lot of “I love you and miss you mails”. (When she dumped me she said that this was just a routine to her and that she missed me, not as lover but as a friend)

Then everything stopped and she sent like “Hello mails”. (When she met some hippy friend talking about living her life every day) I didn’t understand why she stopped and I thought it was something wrong with my Mail so I checked her E-mail. (I had never done that before) and saw that she had written to this hippy friend that she was about to dump her boyfriend. I called a friend and he said that I should let her know this. I sent this pathetic “I love you letter” and she responded that this was tuff on her and she need to think about “Us”. I Bought a ticked to a friend same week living in a small University Town and did some heavy drinking and sort my mind out during a couple of days. So I had been ready for this. When she came home she dumped me on the phone when I said I didn’t want to meet to “Talk”. I was very cool about her dumping me.

I checked her E-mail out today, very pathetic and wrong but I did it. She writes to her best friend following: “I called “Dog”. It was rather hard for me. He didn’t want to meet, maybe it would have been bad if had met. It feels good and he understood everything and took it well. I will contact him after a while so we can talk and so he can get his cloths back. I think “Dog” realize this is good for him. Get his life back and do stuff for him. I have explained for him that I’m not in loved with him so it doesn’t matter if he fixes stuff like work (The last is not true, It was I that told her that I don’t think matters if I fix myself) I was happy to day and hang out with a friend (This friend is together with my friend) and planned stuff. She told me “Dog” was devastated at the beginning but I think he has started to accept that it’s over. She also told me that she has stated to get “Macho” and say that he would have dumped me. (The last thing is not true; I have just said that I have fixed applications to another University for Master-studies and that I understand why she dumped me). I feel good but have a little bad conscience. I hope everything works out for him in the future. “

I love her and I really want her back. I just don’t know how I will fix this. I have just a couple of friends left in my city, and most of them are boring and don’t go out much or are connected with her in a way that it will be troublesome to call them. I will soon start to write my final paper (exam). It will take about ten weeks and for many people this is a very lonely time. Because of all the effort you put in it. When the exam finished my friends are coming back from there University cities and I will have a better social life during the summer.

I will likely work a lot during the summer so I can spend a lot of money when I go to a small but very fun (famous for it in Scandinavia) University just one hour from my large anonyms’ city and my very boring City University. I will just have fun, getting to know new people, living in a student ghetto, go to cage parties, and work at the student fraternity. My ex second best friend’s lives there so she go up there rather often. I have neglected to take up new friends just because I liked to hang out with my tight friends, work, taking care of my studies, hanging out with my ex and do fun stuff with her and other couples. Now that time is over.

I will all of this! But I don’t want to end this relationship.

[PussyCatDoll]

dude, shes refusing to have sex with you and when she does she won't kiss you? theres no intimacy there.

if you're nagging is whats driving her away..stop nagging. but really after 5 years she should be over it.

i think you've been toghether too long, and shes looking for a way out. if i was you i wouldn't persue this. give her a break and she'll come back. if she doesn't then its time to move on.

[dogdylan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PussyCatDoll

dude, shes refusing to have sex with you and when she does she won't kiss you? theres no intimacy there.

if you're nagging is whats driving her away..stop nagging. but really after 5 years she should be over it.

i think you've been toghether too long, and shes looking for a way out. if i was you i wouldn't persue this. give her a break and she'll come back. if she doesn't then its time to move on.

It did not “nagging” before. It started a year ago or something like that when my close friends started to move away. 6 Month ago when she started loose weight I wasn’t that supportive, she got angry with me and I got worse in my behaviour. Everything started to go really bad after New Years Eve 2008 when she refused to have sex with me. One
Month before she left to Asia she said that she wanted to take a pause in our relationship and that she did not have those “love feelings” for me but she loved me and wanted to stay because when I said I didn’t want a pause she said. I don’t want a pause either. I feel sorry for you and I don’t want to see you sad because I love you so much. I did not think of it so much and I think I interpret she wasn’t “newly in loved” with me. O”boy was I wrong.

About the Sex: Sometimes she was, well why not. If you need your sex I can put up with it. But she didn’t want to kiss me in that sensual erotic way she used to kiss me. I was about 3 months ago I started to feel that something was wrong! But she wanted to snuggle all the time and kiss softly. So I thought she just did not wanted to have sex anymore because of the weight lost and stress.

I give her plenty of space. She dumped me on Monday and we have not talked sense and I can give her even more space! I will not be the one that calls her!

[Gigabitch]

You just have to let her go. Either she'll come back or she won't, but you need to learn the lesson that not everything is in your control.

[IndiReloaded]

You sound like a decent, hardworking young man.

She sounds like she's grown bored & is looking for excitement & a change. Perhaps she feels a bit emotionally neglected by you (guessing based on your comment about 'not supporting her' during her weight loss).

Not your fault. You are who you are. Some women require a lot of attention to hold their interest. You're growing apart w/different needs. Happens. Noone's fault. At least you aren't married. Time to move on.

[dogdylan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by IndiReloaded

You sound like a decent, hardworking young man.

She sounds like she's grown bored & is looking for excitement & a change. Perhaps she feels a bit emotionally neglected by you (guessing based on your comment about 'not supporting her' during her weight loss).

Not your fault. You are who you are. Some women require a lot of attention to hold their interest. You're growing apart w/different needs. Happens. Noone's fault. At least you aren't married. Time to move on.

Well, I’m not hardworking she thinks. I take the Subway to school to go to lections, hang out with people in my course and then I go home. I hang out with friends like once a week or when I have much to do at school maybe every second week. It was not like this before! It was just that my friends were moving away. She is very active. Has stuff to do 24/7. About her weight lost. It was heavy for her. She lost ten kilograms. (22 Pounds). I didn’t support her at all. I feel sorry for it now. She really wanted us to loose weight together and I neglected her.

The sad here is that she will have support from many friends still living in the city. I have just a few in my City; mostly they live couples life, like I did before she dumped me! I was invited to go skiing with my parents. So I will do that tomorrow for a couple of days. Then a “Single” friend is coming back to Stockholm. So I can hang out with him, go to out clubbing a few times before he goes home.

I will also get back to contact with old high school friends I lost physical contact with I chat with on MSN on weekly basis. Then I have my final paper to work on and after that its summer and then I will move away from here. I talked to a couple of friends today. The thought it was a good Idea. One of them was rather impressed by that I’m so cool or calm about it. Even my ex was surprised I think. I know what you saying to me!. I think in that terms also but I still want her back.

I have checked sites that say “Get your ex back in 30 days” and “The magic of making up” but it’s mostly bull crap. You can not change someone to love you, or well you can get a girl in loved with you. For five years ago I had a plan to get my ex to like me and it worked. I became her friend and then I worked from there. It was just about having fun. It was so easy then.

Okay, But I Still want my ex back.

I do have a plan to get her back in 6 months.
Change my anti-social behaviour, this will be tuff but it will work. This will be my biggest challenge and loose weight, like 20 Pounds.

In a couple of weeks she will likely call me about getting my stuff out from her apartment. Then I can say that I miss her as a friend. Maybe we can hang out again, like friends. She will likely agree. After a while, maybe to the summer we are good friends again. Then I move to this near University town for studies. Keep in contact with her and then we will see what happened.

[GerryPelosi]

don't worry ,if you are really love that girls then definitely she will turns towards you because love is doesn't see anything

[Gigabitch]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogdylan

In a couple of weeks she will likely call me about getting my stuff out from her apartment. Then I can say that I miss her as a friend. Maybe we can hang out again, like friends. She will likely agree. After a while, maybe to the summer we are good friends again. Then I move to this near University town for studies. Keep in contact with her and then we will see what happened.

So you're voluntarily relocating to the Friend Zone? I'm not sure that's a great idea, dog. I think you should let her go her own way for a while and work on making yourself a sexy beast, then when she finds that the world isn't as much fun as she'd thought (and I'm pretty sure she will) you can try to get her back like a man, not with this weaselly "friends" crap.

[dogdylan]

This is an update

She dumped me 17 Marsh and told me that she didn’t love that sexual way. She was very; shallow almost that she did not care. I asked her if there was any other guy or if she had been unfaithful. I did know about her Hotmail password so I checked it out under my staying in the Mountains. She wrote to her friends that she had been at the hospital for taking some gravidity test and Chlamydia test. She had been sleeping with other guys in Asia. Just one week after she broke with me when I was in the Mountains she made out with her friends boyfriends friend. Very nasty, when I found out about that I got very upset.

My friends from London and from other cities came home just after I returned from the Mountains. We were out drinking and so on. I have been partying for almost a month and have hanged out a lot with old course mates and have started to hang out with former High School buddies and working buddies.

I called my ex 27 Marsh and asked her if she wanted to hang out. Just doing some fun and if I could get my stuff back, but she started to talk about “us” so we continued that road. She was very confused. The conversation went from me telling her that I know that she was unfaithful to talking sweet talks. It was very bizarre. I also told that she should change her password to her mail. She did that. The one thing I got very upset over was that she was lying to me, even when I said that it okay that she had slept with other guys in Asia and that I wanted an clean end of all this. Another thing was when I asked her to say what went wrong, and stop with all the clichés she said that her friends didn’t like me, that I was boring not easy going. But at the end it was about me not picking up my jacket when she came home. I know when she is herself and that part was very honest.

The 29 Marsh I called her. She was very upset about me checking her Hotmail and she was at work so she got mad. Two days later she sends an SMS that went “I have no energy to meet you, I’m. We can do all this later, I’m sorry”. I did not answer her and I have not contacted her after that. But I will contact her the 27 April so I can get my stuff back and maybe just try to get her back. No begging, no crying. Just get my stuff, be cool about it and then give her a present, a photo book. Then I will call her some weeks later and ask if we can hang out. Doing some fun and then we will se what’s happened.

I will move to another University after the summer, I have nothing left here without her so why not get a new life.

[lesa]

Sounds like unnecessary drama. I would avoid her. You deserve better than her, even as a friend.

[kai]

Things are out of control boy . Just move on . Maybe you'll find someone better . Well I know it is easier said than done