So we are living together.. and she wants to leave? - Love Forum

Konsig · #1 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 03:11 AM

Hey all,

sorry for bothering. I've been reading the forums for a while, and want to get something off my chest. I'm not looking for advice (but if you think you can help, please do :)), just some listening ears and people who want to swap stories..

My story:

GF and I've known eachother since we're 18, we've been together since. 5 years later (about 7 months ago) we started living together and things have changed...

Recently an admirer of her told her he loved her, went to pick her up from work and drove her home.. and they kissed. Wait, I'm telling it wrong.

Recently, she was crying at her laptop. I heard her so I went over, hugged her and asked what was wrong. She replied she had so much work and was totally overwhelmed. We hugged some more, and I checked out her laptop after that. She had just finished chatting with that boy, his words were "if you think that is your decision.. I'm sorry" or something.

So I asked her what was going on, she told me he told her he loved her. We hugged, but she told nothing more. We started talking, and after some time she admitted he drove her home. I asked if something happened and begged her to be honest, she told me nothing had happened.

The next day she changed that story and admitted they kissed, and that she felt guilty. We had a long talk and decided to try and revive our relationship.

The last week I've tried.. cleaning, doing dishes, spoiling her, being home when she got back from work, taking care of our pets, calling her at work to see if she was fine, ...

Today she told me she started feeling that I was more like a "brother" to her rather than a partner. I didn't know what to say... she's gone to a girlfriend of hers now.. chattering away, probably (hopefully) about us too.

I am a pretty rational person, but I love this girl and can't really imagine losing her.. well I can, but I would be heartbroken..

Sorry for bothering y'all, thanks for listinging.. well, reading :)

vashti · #2 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 03:30 AM

It's lovely that you are trying to spoil her and whatnot, but really - her kissing that boy probably wasn't really about what you *weren't* doing for her. Relationship routines lend themselves to a certain amount of predictablility. Some people enjoy that, others not so much. What I am trying to say is that you shouldn't feel as though you need to jump through hoops to keep her. Maybe you should just step back and tell her to make a decision.

Konsig · #3 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

Maybe you should just step back and tell her to make a decision.

First of all, thank you for your reply.

I don't really know what to do. If I force a decision on her, it might not be equal to the decision she might take when given enough time. Regardless the outcome, I don't think that that is what I want.

That's why I chose to show her how life with the two of us could be.. if we only tried to make it easier for eachother. I'm not doing anything I can't hold up, I'm not buying flowers everyday or skipping work. I'm trying to show her how much I love her.

vashti · #4 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 03:45 AM

True, given enough time she MIGHT decide to stay. However, she might not. And what if she decides that she is bored again in 6 months? How much are you willing to tolerate?

Forcing her to make a decision might scare her into getting her sh*t together while reinforcing the idea that you have backbone, dignity, and certain justifiable expectations for her behavior. She might not stay, but you would still have your backbone and dignity.

Konsig · #5 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 03:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

True, given enough time she MIGHT decide to stay. However, she might not. And what if she decides that she is bored again in 6 months? How much are you willing to tolerate?

Well, I'm young. I can afford to lose 6 months. We're not fighting or so, so it's not that every day is unbearable.

If her mind is really already made up, I'd rather she'd be honest and up front, and tell me now.

If it isn't, I don't have much to win by scaring her or forcing her to decide. I do have stuff to loose though...

Gigabitch · #6 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 09:47 AM

Well, is she you end-all, be-all dreamgirl? Is there any way this might be a bit of a relief to you too?

Mishanya · #7 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 11:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vashti

What I am trying to say is that you shouldn't feel as though you need to jump through hoops to keep her.

I agree with Vash on this. Next time she says she sees you more as a brother maybe you should tell her that you are not interested in having a sister, you want a partner.

Austinn · #8 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 01:34 PM

this is like the most popular type thread on these type of forums, a guy lives with his gf that he's been with yada yada yada and boom she wants to taste the forbiden fruit and all hell breaks loose heh

you know what i think is the reason for this type of scenario being so amazingly common is that theres to many eligible guys out there and not enough eligible women for the guys so theres bound to be this never ending vortex type pull on the women lol

Konsig · #9 (**permalink**) 26-04-08, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gigabitch

Well, is she you end-all, be-all dreamgirl? Is there any way this might be a bit of a relief to you too?

As I said, I am very rational. She is a end-all, be-all dreamgirl, yes, I can see myself spending my entire life with her. But I know she is not the only girl in the world/continent/country to which that applies.. I do think I can't get any better than her though. We seem to have so much in common.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Austinn

this is like the most popular type thread on these type of forums, a guy lives with his gf that he's been with yada yada yada and boom she wants to taste the forbiden fruit and all hell breaks loose heh

you know what i think is the reason for this type of scenario being so amazingly common is that theres to many eligible guys out there and not enough eligible women for the guys so theres bound to be this never ending vortex type pull on the women lol

I'm sorry Austinn, I know this is a popular type of thread and it must be the 100th time you've read something like that. Thank you all for taking the time to reply, it does mean a lot to me, even though it might just be 5 minutes worth of text to you :)

I think the statistics show there are more women than man, and more man prefer to remain single than women. I don't believe your reason could be what is causing this situation.

My view on the "increased seperation" is that many people idealise a relationship ('as seen on TV'), thinking every day is a holiday, everything is always perfect and the entire path is a smooth sail. A real relationship means work though, means sticking up for eachother, making concessions where needed, sometimes putting the other person and his/her needs before yourself and your own needs. Many people are just not prepared to have that and want the "perfect" thing.

Maybe she'll realise after spending some time alone or in an other relationship that there's no perfect life. I just hope that she'll come back to me then, and not stay alone/with the other guy. And I hope I haven't found someone else by then, because I know she could tempt me right back into her arms and cause me to leave the other (hypothetical-future) girl.

Pettit-Papillon · #10 (**permalink**) 28-04-08, 04:04 AM

Well , I don't agree with some replies here...Maybe I'm not right but I would like to tell You story of my brother and his girlfriend.
They've met when he was about 17 and she was 15,about year after they started to live together.Just like that.They were going everywhere together,to the parties,pubs ,to visit familly,just everywhere.When he wanted to meet his friends she has to go with him,and so has he.She was quite jelous everytime he has talking with his female friends.That's why he started to talk with them keeping it in secret.I knew about it but I also knew that it was nothing.He just didn't want to argue with his girl.About 1,5 year ago he went abroad to work and she stayed in our town.I visited her almoust everyday(we are quite friends ),but someday I saw that she treats one man more like a friend.She was talking with him everytime we were in the club or something like that.Sometimes they've met in the cafe .Then few months later she decided to move to my brother,because she didn't want to be here without him.When she was already with him ,she confessed that she has an affair with this guy .My brother was quite depressed about it.At this moment they decided to say everything what they are doing,who are they meeting etc.I saw he was quite depressed,one time he even cried on my shoulder.She told me then that she shouldn't ever treat him like she did,that she was so jealous and didn't trust him.She was so jealous that she even started to belive that he is cheating on her.I think that's why she started that affair with this guy.Things were getting worst ,till one day she just found out that she is pregnant(surely with my Brother

).This not already born child made everything much much better.So now they are really happy together,and we all are waiting for this little boy

He'll come in july ,so just few months left.

The point on this story is that sometimes it's worth to give another chance.Blow the tears,bite one's lips and wait untill it all calms down.Some people need some time to fix their thoughts.So in my opinion just don't give up,show her that You are there,standing by her side not only when it's good but also when it's bad.Of course if You really love her.

lost&confused · #11 (**permalink**) 29-04-08, 05:26 AM

Konsig,

your story sounds really close to what I am going through right now. I have been with her for over 6 years and lived together for about a year. Everything has been going good, never fight or anything. Then one day she says she doesnt want to be with me anymore and wants to move out.

Well, after a couple of weeks, we are still living together but she only wants to be friends and she wants to date some other guy to see how it goes.

I really love this girl and want to be with her. We were engaged and talking about kids very soon. I really want to be with her and feel that I should wait.

I also stepped up and started doing the cleaning, dishes, etc.

I am so lost becaues we have always done everything together and I treasure every second of the day that we spend together, no matter what it is we are doing.

I am trying to hold strong and hope that she changes her mind.

I know that didnt help you too much, but PM me sometime and maybe we can help eachother out with advice.