What should I do? - Love Forum

salty · #1 (**permalink**) 06-05-08, 10:51 PM

I just wonder how many of you here still contact with ur ex after being ditched? I've been feeling pain, confused to emotionless..Sometimes can cry when watching comedies and find it funny while watching sad movies..Everything seems in a mess..Sometimes I can stay very calm and emotionless.. not very sure if I still like my ex or wad..the reason for the breakup was his feeling for me have drifted off and he can no longer commit..

Well me and him lasted for ard 3 yrs plus and he has got himself a gf 2 mth after our breakup..quit expected because I knew that he start to fall for someone not long after breaking up with me..I was like quite prepare that they will be together.. However, I also have the feeling that they will not last long..maybe because there were many frens and their family members dun tink they suit each other.. So I was like no feelings whenever he told me anything about her..No jealousy, nothing.. When I told a fren of mine, he thinks that I was simply avoiding and hiding my feelings..not actuali emotionless.. I duno I'm quite confused..

After our breakup he still contact me quite often even after he gt a gf.. It this a habit and totally no feelings? Its abt 4 mths from our breakup and I was like quite used to being alone sometimes..but I will still tink of him and whenever there is special occasion like v'day or birthday I will like hoping to hear from him etc..I just still cannot get over with him.. Deep down, I was like still waiting and hoping that he will one day find that I'm the right one for him..I know this is silly but sometimes heart just doesn't listen to the brain..sigh..

What should I do? Can I just wait for him while carry on my life while we still contact each other? Or do I wait while not contacting him anymore? Is he just trying out new gals bcos he is sick of being with just me for so long? After all he has just step out of army and entering the new environment for half a yr..

bluesummer · #2 (**permalink**) 07-05-08, 06:24 AM

Yes, I've been in your place. Yes, it hurts, but the only thing you can do is move on.....DO NOT WAIT FOR HIM. He has a new gf, sure, and maybe he still has a few feelings left for you (you were together for quite awhile), but that doesn't mean you guys should be in a relationship again!!

Enjoy time with your friends, start dating other people, and your feelings for him will fade with time....that's a promise. I still wonder about all my exes from time to time, maybe even miss them a teeny tiny but (very tiny!). However, I would not wish myself back into relationship with any of them, and you shouldn't be doing so either. This is the fallout from breakup....everyone has to experience it. It will make you stronger in the end. Stop crying over him and get out and enjoy your life!!

salty · #3 (**permalink**) 08-05-08, 10:27 PM

Thks for replying..=) yes.. most of my frens also tells me that and I'm also knowing more ppl and go out with other guys.. but sometimes I still tink of him, when he is sick I will still buy some herbal tea over for him..just feel like showing my concern and nth much.. I duno wad m I thinking, maybe the feelng will fade but the heart will take control of the brain still.. I simply dun care how sad his gf will feel but I just feel like doing wad I wan to do..lol But most of the time is he contact me..so wad can I do? ignore him? sigh..

Maybe I just feel tough to put it down. Afterall this is the only relationship I'm serious abt and it lasted quite sometimes, and most importantly, he treats me very well and our bond are very strong. I know that one of the important thing in relationship is trust, and thats what I found in this relationship. It was so unforgettable maybe tts y I couldn't let go so soon..=)

You mention that you have many bfs in the past? So did anyone of them in contact with you since breakup?

chrisrsmith · #4 (**permalink**) 08-05-08, 11:43 PM

Almost all rebound relationships do not last... so don't worry about that. In the meantime you should try avoiding contact while you get your head on straight.

Keep yourself occupied and fight the urge to call, text, instant message, or whatever it may be.

bluesummer · #5 (**permalink**) 09-05-08, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by salty

Thks for replying..=) yes.. most of my frens also tells me that and I'm also knowing more ppl and go out with other guys.. but sometimes I still tink of him, when he is sick I will still buy some herbal tea over for him..just feel like showing my concern and nth much.. I duno wad m I thinking, maybe the feelng will fade but the heart will take control of the brain still.. I simply dun care how sad his gf will feel but I just feel like doing wad I wan to do..lol But most of the time is he contact me..so wad can I do? ignore him? sigh..

Maybe I just feel tough to put it down. Afterall this is the only relationship I'm serious abt and it lasted quite sometimes, and most importantly, he treats me very well and our bond are very strong. I know that one of the important thing in relationship is trust, and thats what I found in this relationship. It was so unforgettable maybe tts y I couldn't let go so soon..=)

You mention that you have many bfs in the past? So did anyone of them in contact with you since breakup?

Yeah, I've had a few, and even an ex husband (although I'm still pretty young) and I'm still in contact with all of them to this day, as friends. I would take periods of time where I wouldn't talk to them at all and eventually the feelings just faded. Now I consider them good friends and people I care about, but not people I'd ever be involved with. I've moved on.

You need to start cutting out your contact and level of concern for this guy. Maybe you were together a long time, but it doesn't mean you are destined to be together again, so stop pushing it and just write it off mentally so you can start to move on. Look at it this way: every minute you waste pining over this guy is taking away another minute you should be with the one you're meant to be with. When you meet that person, you'll feel stupid for mooning over the ex, trust me.

jinx343 · #6 (**permalink**) 10-05-08, 12:05 AM

salty.. pleaaassseeee stop doing things for him. you're just making him feel great about himself.

remember.. HE dumped YOU. and i'm telling you, it's not good to make yourself look so desperate and vulnerable to him. he's just abusing your love and concern for him. and he has his girlfriend. realize that. you're just feeding his ego.

if he still wants you, try to distance yourself from him and see if he will really run after you. if not, drop it. move on with your life. you will later realize what a jerk he was.

Pears · #7 (**permalink**) 10-05-08, 02:22 AM

Don't listen to sad music, it'll just make you sadder. I've found that listening to cheerful upbeat music will help a lot and get me going to do things.

I've been in your situation. You need to move on. Look around. There are plenty of new people to hang out with.