how long does it take for a heart to heal? - Love Forum

javagirl87 · #1 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 12:27 PM

i was dumped 2 months ago...and i'm still working on being better. i've slowly gotten there...but sometimes it makes me feel stupid because we dated for about a month and a half...and it's taken me long to get over him than it took me to get over my 3.5 year relationship.

is this strange?

Pettit-Papillon · #2 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 02:02 PM

It took long time,short time ,depends? Nobody can answer You for this question... Some people get healed on the first day and some can't deal with it a lifetime...It depends on You, how much do You want to get Yourself cured.

Lipp · #3 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 03:13 PM

Well, do you still keep in touch?

For me at first it took several months without any change along with somewhat awkward contact and nothing talked over until I decided to drop the bomb by saying all there was to say, talking it through and then cut all bonds completely.

And it worked like a charm!

vashti · #4 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 07:59 PM

I think I heard to expect it to take 50% of the length of time you were together.

javagirl87 · #5 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 08:00 PM

lipp - no we dont' keep in touch, i hadn't talked to him in about a month and he IMed me trying to be friends i would assume...because he said he needed time before he talked to me again. i told him that i wasn't ready to talk because i'm still not over things tho i do want to be friends one day. he replied "no problem, that's fair enough. i'll give you your space."

so contact hasn't really been the issue...and it's not a matter of IF i'm trying to get over it because i am. it just doesn't seem to be working out the way my head would like it too. my heart just won't seem to listen.

there was actually a point i started to get frusterated with myself because i didn't know why i couldn't just be over it...because i was trying so hard. maybe trying that hard isnt' the answer...maybe time is? unfortunately i wish it wasn't taking so much of it...

vashti - well it's been about 2 months...and we dated for 1.5....so it's definately not working out that way for me haha. my 3.5 year realtionship took me a few months to get over it but i did...this jsut makes me feel weak because it's taking me so long.

Lipp · #6 (**permalink**) 03-05-08, 09:22 PM

Trying hard most definately isn't the way to go, sort of puts you in a

"Don't think about him! Don't think about him! Damnit, I think about him when I focus on not thinking about him!"- kind of thing. Or when you end up thinking of how you have not thought of him that day. It just messes it up.

Having a somewhat hectic lifestyle can help quite alot (there's nothing like hopping into a uni degree in a foreign country) so that you end up being too busy in the present to care about the past. If you catch yourself thinking back when nothing's going on that's most likely what you could use.

lilaifa · #7 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 01:51 AM

87 ,1 am 87 too. if we love a guy ,we should give somrthing to him or her ,MORE UNDERSTANDING to him is goos to him , unless you find out that he is not fit for you !

javagirl87 · #8 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 05:20 AM

yea i've definately started to do that....i picked up a 2nd job because i've been meaning to for the summer anyways, and i made it a job that i really want and enjoy (working at a coffe shop). it does help a lot to be busy but then at the end of the night it still feels kinda lonely.

squirrley · #9 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 05:26 AM

I think every relationship is different, youre emotional attachment to that person, etc. Your dependancy on that person, etc. You may very well have been emotionally DETACHED for awhile from the longer relationship than you realize. Maybe you had more attachment to this relationship for other reasons and not necessarily the man himself? Keeping busy is good, keeping your mind occupied where youre not always thinking and dwelling is a good start no matter what you're doing, your'e making the effort.

I wouldn't worry too much about HOW long it's taking you to get over it. You know that you WILL. As far as being friends, everyone is different there too. It's all in what your comfort level is and apparently right now your'e not there, again don't worry about it.
You'll be fine!

lastwish · #10 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 06:09 AM

Part of the reason why you are having a harder time to get over him than your past longer relationship could be that there are some unfinished business. What i mean by that is that your heart might still be wishing you guys were back together and you haven't had enough of him yet. Maybe its not just him you're not over but a set of dreams (hope that you both will get back together someday and live happily ever after).

Time and no contact with him until you feel normal again will help. Occupied yourself with a new hobby and try out new things. What are some things you wished you would have tried but never had a chance. Bring pleasure in your own life without relying on other people.

javagirl87 · #11 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 06:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lastwish

Part of the reason why you are having a harder time to get over him than your past longer relationship could be that there are some unfinished business. What i mean by that is that your heart might still be wishing you guys were back together and you haven't had enough of him yet. Maybe its not just him you're not over but a set of dreams (hope that you both will get back together someday and live happily ever after).

i think you're right...a lot of me is upset because this was the first relationship i've had where i was treated right, and not treated like shit. i guess it's just kind of depressing for me to think that the one person who didnt' treat me liek crap ended up not wanting to be with me. it kind of makes me feel like i'll never find someone with both (treating me well AND wanting to be with me).

misombra · #12 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 06:20 AM

it's a lot easier to get over a break up if the other person did something really bad.

it's also a lot easier if you were the one who broke up with the other person.

javagirl87 · #13 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 01:40 PM

yea this person didnt' do anything bad at all...on the contrary he treated me great.

my 3.5 year relationship i was always treated like shit in...yet i seemed to love him more than i have ever loved anyone. i didn't have enough time to fall in love with my last relationship that hurt me so badly right now...but i guess it's the "what if" thought that hurts...because i feel like i could have probably loved him a lot more. if he had given me the chance.

so i guess it just hurts to know that maybe we could have been something great...and in my mind he kind of just gave up on us because he's kind of a depressed person.

misombra · #14 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by javagirl87

yea this person didnt' do anything bad at all...on the contrary he treated me great.

my 3.5 year relationship i was always treated like shit in...yet i seemed to love him more than i have ever loved anyone. i didn't have enough time to fall in love with my last relationship that hurt me so badly right now...but i guess it's the "what if" thought that hurts...because i feel like i could have probably loved him a lot more. if he had given me the chance.

so i guess it just hurts to know that maybe we could have been something great...and in my mind he kind of just gave up on us because he's kind of a depressed person.

yeah that's always hard. don't you just wish they would do something really mean so it would be easier to hate them?

every girl has gone through this before. and if she hasn't, she will. ::hugs::

lesa · #15 (**permalink**) 04-05-08, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by misombra

yeah that's always hard. don't you just wish they would do something really mean so it would be easier to hate them?

every girl has gone through this before. and if she hasn't, she will. ::hugs::

Very true. When my time came, it "hurts like brand-new shoes" although I agreed for a breakup.