Loneliness

[littlewing]

Can you define loneliness?

Do you think that we all should be at least a little lonely?

Is loneliness good or bad?

I have been feeling quite lonely lately. I have many friends, more than I ever had but I don't really think that I have much in common with these people. I always think that if I would get myself really buisy, If I would crash on my bed with exhaustion at the end of the day then I wouldn't think about it much... I could be very wrong

Guess I need a loving partner, loosing one brought me here in the first place. But then again I don't think that this is something that you just go out there and find... is it normal to always feel a bit lonely?

[vashti]

I think it is normal for thinking people to feel very alone sometimes. Try not to ruminate on it, or you will get depressed.

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlewing

Can you define loneliness?

Loneliness is a state of being.., also an emotion that is felt.., where one aspect of your life is left unsatisfied.., and where that aspect is social acceptance.., friendship.., or love..

Other aspects of your life that can be left unsatisfied include.., but are not limited to:

- Health (includes fitness)
- Financial Security
- Sex
- Self-Identity (happy with who you are)
- Lower-order needs (attention/validation for your skillset)
- Higher-order needs (accomplishment & success with your skillset)

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlewing

Do you think that we all should be at least a little lonely?

Yes.., everyone needs time to themselves.., and.., you don't want to be TOO satisfied.., or else you might run the risk of actually getting bored of people.., and no amount of friendship or love will be enough to satisfy you..

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlewing

Is loneliness good or bad?

Both.., it's bad if you truly are not socially accepted.., given attention to.., or validated by others.., when you don't feel that you have a supportive social circle you are a part of and who accepts your personal identity.., and perhaps even gives you validation for your unique personal skillset.., on the other hand.., it's good when you're loney as a result of not finding the right social circle yet! The feeling of loneliness can be so powerful sometimes.., that people will actually jump into the wrong social circle or hang out with the wrong people.., in an attempt to get rid of it.., but this can actually be more damaging in the long-run than the short-run effects of being temporarily lonely.., this is because this person will now have motivation to conform to that person (or group's) identity.., because if they run too far apart from it.., they will run the risk of losing acceptance.., which means they run the risk of being lonely again..

So.., just because someone is lonely at the moment.., doesn't mean that it's a "bad" thing.., it would be worse for them to be satisfied in that department.., but be destroying their personal identity and lacking honest & genuine validation for their unique skillset.., so being lonely as a result of not finding the right person and/or social circle yet.., is actually a good thing..

Quote:

Originally Posted by littlewing

is it normal to always feel a bit lonely?

Yes.., as great as your friends are.., there is never really 100% perfect communication and understanding.., things may be fluid.., but they're not perfect.., you both can't read eachothers' mind.., so there's always a sense of lack of perfect understanding from others.., that nobody understands you perfectly.., or that nobody's interests are identical to your self-interest.., so even when you're in a relationship.., and you have tons of friends.., it's normal to feel lonely from time to time.., but that's why the phone is there.., so you can call up someone to talk to.., until you feel that sense of fluid communication and understanding again.., or maybe you just want a hug.., something of that nature.., it all ties into having that aspect satisfied in the end..

Best,

GrkScorp

[IndiReloaded]

I really enjoy my moments of solitude, its when I do my best thinking. What you call 'lonely', a lot of ppl would really enjoy. When you're in a relationship for a long time, you can spend too much time together & really need those 'me times'. So its all a matter of perspective.

Think interesting thoughts, do interesting things & you'll hardly ever feel lonely, in a relationship or out.

[javagirl87]

i completely know how you're feeling. ever since my last breakup i've been heartbroken...and i've realized how awful and lonely it is not to have that one person there you feel like you connect with. i have a lot of friends...and i've actually made more since the breakup but it seems the more friends i have the worse i feel knowing not any of them i really connect with.

i've also tried the being busy thing...it works the first few times you do something new to keep youself busy but after that it wears off and that becomes a chore where you just realize how lonely you are while you're doing it... i love a lot of things about life...but sadly lately all of it just makes me feel more lonely. i don't know if that makes sense.

i don't knwo if this helps at all...but you definately arn't alone and i think it IS normal and good to be lonely because that means you are human and you feel and you arn't a zombie. but i also wish being lonely didnt' feel so crappy. hopefully the amount of lonliness we feel right now will lead to the same amount of happiness later on. it's all gotta balance out.

[Illusional]

basically you're at a time where people are growing up and all of you will encounter a lot of changes. i'm going to guess that you have just entered college and a lot of your friends are busier than they ever was. get used to it because few people really keep in touch after college. i'd say, i still talk to two of my high school friends that i was really close with.

raverboy

[littlewing]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illusional

basically you're at a time where people are growing up and all of you will encounter a lot of changes. i'm going to guess that you have just entered college and a lot of your friends are busier than they ever was. get used to it because few people really keep in touch after college. i'd say, i still talk to two of my high school friends that i was really close with.

raverboy

Nah it's not that, I have ten times more friends now than before University. I just don't feel that those people really understand me that much.

There were times when I felt like I didn't have any friends at all but I was 14, guess most of us feel this way at 14.

[javagirl87]

yea that's definately normal when you're 14...i barely had any friends when i was in middle school and high school because i couldn't stand how shallow most of them were. now in college i feel like it's a lot easier to get along with people and they are more open minded, but sadly that doenst' change the fact that you only find real unspoken connections with a few people in the world.

we WILL find them tho...and hopefully when we do we can keep ahold of them for as long as we can. i guess that makes it better when we actually do find them? we appreciate it more.

yea i'm feeling like this and it's the end of my 3rd year in college...so it's definately not the whole "new college" thing in our cases heh.

btw littlewing, did you get your username from he hendrix song? because that's my favorite song of his.

[Frasbee]

Man, you need to change your username...

[DoesntMatter]

Touch yourself when you are alone. You'll feel better

[Gigabitch]

I think loneliness is what happens when you are no longer satisfied with your own company.

[Pears]

When I'm lonely and there's nothing else I can do about it, sometimes I switch to being angry because it's more fun. Otherwise, I try to occupy myself and ignore the loneliness.

[littlewing]

Quote:

Originally Posted by javagirl87

yea that's definately normal when you're 14...i barely had any friends when i was in middle school and high school because i couldn't stand how shallow most of them were. now in college i feel like it's a lot easier to get along with people and they are more open minded, but sadly that doenst' change the fact that you only find real unspoken connections with a few people in the world.

we WILL find them tho...and hopefully when we do we can keep ahold of them for as long as we can. i guess that makes it better when we actually do find them? we appreciate it more.

yea i'm feeling like this and it's the end of my 3rd year in college...so it's definately not the whole "new college" thing in our cases heh.

btw littlewing, did you get your username from he hendrix song? because that's my favorite song of his.

What if I feel that I don't want any more friends? that can't be right. Yeah Hendrix is the man but I like how Stevie Ray Vaughan plays this song more, he's my guitar idol.

Frasbee it's too late to change my user name

DoesntMatter yeah but only for a while

Gigabitch I don't think anyone in this world wants to be lonely

[Illusional]

well lilwang2... it depends on how social of a person you are. if you are outgoing and you are a chatterbox, you will find friends anywhere.

raverboy

[GrkScorp]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illusional

well lilwang2... it depends on how social of a person you are. if you are outgoing and you are a chatterbox, you will find friends anywhere.

Clearification: You may find "people" anywhere.., but not all of them are really "friend" material.., not everyone you chat up is someone you want to make your friend..

Best,

GrkScorp