Originally Posted by
Numb 
Now I'm stuck wondering again because I noticed credit card transactions being processed when she was supposed to be at work. Stupid small CC from a gas station. I don't know. Any thoughts?
Don't even go there. Remove your focus from your obsessive fears and put it back where it belongs, which is squarely on your own massive flaws.
The fact that she was this miserable and you had "no clue" answers the most important question: Were you paying attention? The answer, clearly, is NO. I can only imagine how far you've had your head up your own ass for all this time. You've been engaged for over four years but never married because of financial hardship and yet you don't even have a ****ing job? Not even a temporary job to tide you over until you get a good one?
You are lucky she stayed as long as she did.
If you want her back, I suggest you make a strong effort to turn your life around. Let her move out- she doesn't need your moaning right now, and you have to prove to her that you can do this yourself. First of all, go get a job. Immediately. Any job.
Secondly, quit ingesting any substances that you were using to make you feel better about your own sorry ass. No drinking, no pot smoking, nothing. You have to be left alone with yourself for a while, so you can fully come to understand what she's had to go through with you.
Make a list of things you intend to change and look at it EVERY DAY. Hold yourself accountable, for once.
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