Long relationship break up ; ; any advice?

[Olorin]

I have gone out with the same girl for three and a half years and we recently broke up and i am having a hard time with it...........we still hang out quite alot (which i hear is a bad thing) but its hard to tell the person no because i still love her and dont want to hurt her feelings she is very sensitive and takes things personal (part of the many reasons we broke up) any advice as to what to expect and what to do for the future?

Also last night we talked and she said she just wanted to go back out again and started crying i told her we both needed time to think and she got mad and said she just cant talk to me ever again and then five minutes later she said please can we go back out again............shes really confusing me and is flip flopping alot..............she basically broke off the relation ship which really wasnt working for many reasons but now shes making things worse and although im sad im not so sure i want to go back into this relationship but its hard for me to tell her that because i really dont want to hurt her feelings ; ; sorry to ramble ; ; any advice? or past exper to call on?

[Innova]

Breaking up with somebody you've loved is never an easy thing. But the mroe reason not to give up, but there are realy two choices: One involves you ,and the other her.

1. Break up with her, and move on. At the very least, try to not talk or be reminded of her.

or

2. She has to be willing to get over her head in takin things to personal, that is never a good thing and that leads to far to much straight. I'd say if she is willing to work it out, and talk to somebody about her problems, or anything along those lines..then fight to keep a 3+ year realtionship alive. If not, then moveon my friend, and be strong.

[squirrley]

I wouldnt continue in this relationship. Shes very unbalanced. Doesnt sound like a good mix for anything to continue at least on a healthy issue. The best thing you can do for her is to end it-and STOP hanging out with her. Thats why she hasnt been able to move on-youre always hanging out. I understand you dont want to hurt her-but hanging on or around will only make it worse. She sounds very insecure. And honestly somewhat immature-maybe not ready for a real committment. She needs to do some growing up and be by herself for awhile.

When a person is that mixed up with themselves it causes a lot of difficulties in a relationship. Shes doing it now. And the only way this could work is if she were to realize or recognize her own issues and work on them. If you sat down and talked to her and told her what the issues were for you-she might take the iniative to try and make things better or work. But dont depend on it. People have to change for themselves first.

At this point I think breaking it off completely is the best thing for both of you-let her move on heal. And you do the same!

Goodluck...

[bluesummer]

Yep, I dated one ex for five years, and him and i had been together so long we just made the decision to cut off contact completely for two months. Trust me, the lack of contact was a lifesaver, especially on those days when I felt like crying to him "I want you back!" even though I knew that would be completely stupid. If you think you don't want back in, then just cut it off, now. You guys might hurt for awhile but it passes quicker that way.

[IceQueen]

Advice # 1:
Say, "Ok, I'm going to back off for a week, and not hang out and not talk with you, so you can make the decision. Then you tell me once and for all what you want, and we go for it."

Then, you do it.

[Olorin]

Just wanted to say thanks to all the people who responded its greatly appreciated