Ex turned to Drugs Clubs - Love Forum

oookkkooo · #1 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 03:23 AM

My ex and I had a long relationship 5+yrs. We came to london 2yrs ago and we lived together for the first 2 and a half years, which was great, for me i suppose. She dumped me 2 months ago and like Clifton I also hurt so much and can't stop thinking of her. I've read the advice everyone has given him and it is great, really. I've read some othe forums and people think it's a joke. I agree with the keep yourself active and meet other peole. Infact I have made so many friends and tried to get another girlfriend but I couldn't do anything with her without thinking of my ex. I broke it off as I knew it was very unfair to her being 2nd best. Problem is my ex is also VERY physically attractive and she has no problem meeting guys. And I also compare other girls looks wise and have found no one more attractive so far.

I still have contact with my ex and when we see each other we sleep together. BIG mistake I know but it feels so right as I still love her so much. Since we broke up she has become such a party animal and does loads of recreational drugs. I worry so much about her because in london you get so many freaks that will take advantage of her. One of the reasons she says she dumped me was becasue I was boring and didn't want to try anything because I don't need drugs to have fun.

I called her today and she was so wasted. It cut me so deep. I wish I could cry to release the sadness but I have difficulty crying, even when I'm alolne. I don't think I want her back if she's become like this but I love her. I have packed her remaining things, photos clothes etc that is still here and called her today to ask her to come get it. I also asked her never to message me or call me and I can't be her friend. That was when she said that she can't handle not having my friendship. I tried to explain to her that I can never see her without those feelings being there so it's better that we don't have contact but she refuses to accept that.

I have started working out and met people and removed all pics of her. Next thing I want to do is move to a different house because I still sleep in the same bed we once shared.

I know that clifton's situation answered some of my questions but anyone can tell me...is it normal what she's doing? Should I do the same? Club drugs etc?

Clifton · #2 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 06:00 AM

The choice is yours. but ill say this. drugs and clubs are a fast way to end up way worse than you are right now, id say your best bet is to stay sober, deal with it, and eventually move on, it will build your character too, I am so lucky i wasnt around my friends when i was going thru that breakup..if i had turned to drugs or sex (like i normally do) id be in a world of shit right now, but instead i decided to better myself, going to college is a big step for me. and im so glad i didnt run from it. ive grown so much throughout it all- and i wouldnt have if i had just gone and got ****ed up. So in short the choice is yours- but you CAN deal with life without drugs or sex(which is what clubs are about for most people, finding some ass) good luck.

Clifton · #3 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 06:04 AM

and about the house, yeah we spent ALOT of time in my room in my moms place, i eventually moved the way it looks around so much that it looks nothing like it did, that helped me with that situation

MisINdpndT · #4 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 07:33 AM

Ok well that makes me feel better. I thought i was a weirdo because sometimes i find it imposiable to sleep in my bed unless. because it has soooo many memories and i can hear Michael saying that it was our bed.. its just haunting to have all this stuff in my house that we called ours and it pains me when i think about it.

KaWaiiSkYe · #5 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 07:33 PM

Clifton idea about changin' the room around is a good one. Also. If your ex is still contactin' you. Tell her why you don't want to contact her anymore. Explain it to her until she understands it. Maybe the drugs aren't doin' her any good. Not that drugs do anyone good. But nevermind. You shouldn't start doin' drugs like your ex just because she says you're borin'. I'm sure you're not borin'. Maybe she doesn't like the same things as you do now so she says you're borin'. Everyone is interestin' in their own ways.

oookkkooo · #6 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 08:58 PM

Thanks for the advice about my room guys. I think I'll still move away though as my house mates always bring her up in conversation. Also I think the new area and getting to know the people will be a new adventure for me to take my mind off her.

Shit it's so hard.

KaWaiiSkYe · #7 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 09:46 PM

Nothin's easy in this world. Once you've done it, you'll feel so much better. So grit your teeth and just get through it. Everything in life later might turn out well better than you would have thought.

oookkkooo · #8 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KaWaiiSkYe

Nothin's easy in this world. Once you've done it, you'll feel so much better. So grit your teeth and just get through it. Everything in life later might turn out well better than you would have thought.

Great knowing there are people like u guys around.
Thanks
Knowing I'm not alone and everyone has similar problems

oookkkooo · #9 (**permalink**) 21-06-04, 11:40 PM

You guys won't believe this. She emailed me and asked me if I would take her back if she were bisexual. I'm not sure if I'm comfertable with that. She says she will be comitted to me but have occasional sex with a woman.

What do I say??

PandaCivic · #10 (**permalink**) 22-06-04, 12:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by oookkkooo

You guys won't believe this. She emailed me and asked me if I would take her back if she were bisexual. I'm not sure if I'm comfertable with that. She says she will be comitted to me but have occasional sex with a woman.

What do I say??

are you nuts?! why is she suddenly asking you to take her back?! i mean what happened? did she try the "club scene" and realized that she had it good when she was with you and drugs aren't her thing? that's stupid. let's just imagine...
you're with her, then she breaks up with you because she's bored. don't you think that's going to happen again? cut her loose dude. why be with someone that isn't even sure of what they want? yes, you may love her, but shit...get a clue. you love her because you were with her for so long. she's keeping you from enjoying your OWN life. she's holding you back from what you could be doing. i know you can't completely listen to what i say but let's just say i've been there before, i've "taken her back" before. i was so happy she came back to me, but i was so blind with "love" that i didn't realize the person i took back just wanted to come back because things in her life sucked. she didn't really love me, she loved the fact that someone cared so much about her. that's what she missed. we don't know the whole story but it seems like she's wanting your attention and she's gettin' it. if you are strong enough to take her back and suffer a more painful breakup down the road, you go ahead and do that. it's going to be a killer. i can promise you that. you need to sit down and talk to her. i could be wrong altogether but that's beside the point. you need to know what she's after and what YOU'RE after. make sure they're the same thing...

KaWaiiSkYe · #11 (**permalink**) 22-06-04, 01:16 AM

I agree with PandaCivic. Let her go. Don't take her back. She will just hurt you all over again. You said it yourself that you're not comfortable with the fact that she's a bisexual and also havin' sex with women. So why live with it? You can get away from it easy. Don't take her back. You told her not to contact you anymore. She's not the only person who can do that. You have to do the same too. Just leave her be. She's just gettin' bored with the whole club and drug life so she's comin' back to you different. After a while she'll find somethin' else interestin' and say you're borin' again. Hurt you again and again. You don't want that. Walk away from it now. Move to somewhere else. Don't tell your ex about anything. Lose contact with her as soon as you can. It'll do you and her a lot of good.

PandaCivic · #12 (**permalink**) 22-06-04, 01:40 AM

skye's right, she agrees with me. haha! but ya seriously, you need to help yourself first and worry about what you need and want. what she wants is not even your concern. not anymore that is. take it slow, if you can't block her out of your life, take your time, get used to being beside yourself and away from her.

nendo · #13 (**permalink**) 22-06-04, 01:51 AM

i think u should move on from her. if ur uncomfortable with gettnig back together as she being a bi then don't u probably will regret it if u do. wah i don't get is she said u was boring but yet she still wants to get together with u.

if shes still contacting u and u don't want her to. just be straight with her. tell her that u don't like her taking drugs and being a bi and u don't want to keep in contact with her.

PandaCivic · #14 (**permalink**) 22-06-04, 01:59 AM

she just wants a piece of ass every now and then.

nendo · #15 (**permalink**) 22-06-04, 02:03 AM

yeh. i think she'll probably be using for sex realy. maybe because she feels comfortable with u. i don't know. sounds like a user and abuser now