Why doesn't my ex call just to say hello?

[blackiesharley]

Together for eleven years. Married for seven. Seperated (technically) for the last two. We went through litterly death, destruction (1994 Earthquake) operations, heart attacks and a ton of other challenges. We produced a film together (it bombed but still...) bought two houses together (now sold). All in all a real clean divorce (now final) money wise.

We grew apart. I don't want her and she doesn't want me but it still hurts that we can't be at the very least, especially at this time of year, cordial. I'm dating, she probably is too, but still???

It just kinda sucks...

[Illusional]

well technically you two don't have any obligations to each other but your history. don't dwell on the past because you will start to feel, why can't be just be friends are you are feeling now. i suggest that you just forget about her and forget about the past.

raverboy

[schueys_girl]

I cannot at all compare to your situation of a relationship blackie, as I am only 20 and had a few short-lived relationships and 2 long term ones, but i see it as Illusional said. It is important not to dwell on the past as you will just torment yourself, although I do know it is hard to let go. When I have split up with boyfriends I always expected them to do the decent thing and call just to see how I was etc but the sad thing is it never really happens. Most just want their own space to get on with things...and they are therefore not dwelling in the past.
Good luck and i hope you feel better soon
x Amy x

[FIFA04]

It is hard not talking to your ex. I just went through a 4 year live-in relationship. My GF broke it off with me. She said she doesnt want to hear rom me again. And even though I care about her, I know seeing her will cause more problems. If she is concentrating on a new relationship, I know she doesnt want to have me in the mix, especially out of respect for her new partner. The same would go for me. My 2 cents.

[turbomx3]

Sometimes I guess a friendly relationship is at times harder than a love relationship try sending a christmas card (with a simple message nothing concerning your history just a simple i hope we can grow to be friends miss talking to you and then your name or something like that) If you know where she lives or an e- card to her email address or even send a text. It doesn't matter if she replies or not what matters is that you tried to be courteous and civil. I don't really know what else to say as it sounds like your both happy to some degree except your not due to not having the chance to be cordial.

The choice to serve the ball is yours if she doesn't return the serve then there's not much you can do!

[cbee]

maybe it's precisely because you've been through so much?

Even though neither of you want each other it may still be hard for her to see someone she cared so much about etc... It just dredges up old hurt and reminds her how much she hurt you.

Just a thought.

[turbomx3]

cbee hit it spot on! That could honestly be why she hasn't contacted you but saying that if you want to be in contact than it is sort of your responsibilty to make the first move and put the proverbial ball in her court.

[blackiesharley]

Over the weekend follow-up....

I come home from the gym Saturday and there's a phone message from her. "Hi, guess who. I just wanted to touch base and she how you're doing. Very rough time of the year for me, same old parent problems too (alcohol related) but worse. Call me please?"

I did. We discussed some very minor business issues and then had a nice chat. I heard noise in the background and asked what she was doing. She said cooking spaghetti. I said 'that was great stuff, I miss it, guess I'll never have it again.' with a chuckle.

She said 'Never say never,' Then she got into the family problems. I said 'well, you know I'll always be there for you.' Her response? "You know I'll always be there for you too." She meant it.

I didn't want to get too 'heavy' so I said 'gotta go, talk soon, bye.'

She said no, it's not bye, it's bye for NOW.' What ever that meant.

I got thinking, I was hurt that she hadn't called, but then again I hadn't called her either. It took courage for her to make that call. I was Xmas shopping yesterday and saw a little trinket that I knew she would like. I bought it, called her and said that I had a little something for her, just a 'gesture of friendship.' I thought she was going to cry. I told her to call me this week when she's in the neighborhood and I'd put it behind the screen door, 'that way we don't have to see each other.' She said she would.

I don't want her back, I'm doing better in recent days, but I sure don't want to be enemies either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by blackiesharley

Together for eleven years. Married for seven. Seperated (technically) for the last two. We went through litterly death, destruction (1994 Earthquake) operations, heart attacks and a ton of other challenges. We produced a film together (it bombed but still...) bought two houses together (now sold). All in all a real clean divorce (now final) money wise.

We grew apart. I don't want her and she doesn't want me but it still hurts that we can't be at the very least, especially at this time of year, cordial. I'm dating, she probably is too, but still???

It just kinda sucks...

[PandaCivic]

some people don't call to say hello because it will bring back a flood of tears and unwanted memories. and sometimes people are vulnerable and end up getting back together and later realizing that it was a mistake. it's better to let things go and move on. the past is the past. don't dwell on it. she isn't.

[IKnowEverything]

Quote:

destruction (1994 Earthquake)

You have to be kidding me. That was one pussy-ass earthquake! My floor just kind of shook a little bit...I went to work that same day. Get the **** out of here.

[Heddy]

Grrr all you do is tell people how to ruin there relationships etc. just because you have problems doesn't mean you should come her and annoy people just because you havn't got the guts to face up to your own issues and deal with them. Honestly i just read a post from you saying you rape girls! Dude you're one sick person go and see a pyschologist!!!!!

(sorry everybody else he was bugging me i had to say something)