question about the "no contact" strategy

[brokenhearted33]

So if I use the "no contact" rule in efforts of getting my ex back...do I go ahead and essentially declare to her (by email or AIM or whatever) saying "hey....so i feel like i need space and i wont be speaking/seeing you any time in the near future" and sorta warn her about my impending no-contact strategy,

or do i go ahead and start doing the no-contact strategy without letting her know, and letting her figure it out for herself?


thanks, and i know this is probably a stupid question

[Doc Durian]

I'd not do anything. You're broken up. Do what you want with your life and don't tell her. If she asks, let her know that you're broken up and therefore living your life as a single person, that it's not appropriate to discuss these things.

She'll get the picture.

(And it'll probably have the side benefit of making her reconsider if her choice was the right one.)

But you stick to your guns... nicely, politely, without any malice for the breakup.

She sounds like she'll try to ensnare you into doing things with her. It's up to you. I'd not do it too frequently though, and for short jaunts if you can be bothered.

Let her know that your life has changed and you're a busy fellow who's got other things he needs to do as well.

She'll probably try to fish it out of you.

Stick to your guns again. Remind her that it's not appropriate, you're no longer lovers, and she has to move on.

This will probably irritate her.

Stick to your guns, and keep yourself sparse with her.. but above all, keep her in the dark. She lost the right to know when she (I'm assuming she) made the break.

Baby can't have it both ways.

[NoMoreLove]

What he (Doc Durian) said.

But If it was me, I'd rather just cut the contact. The Whole point in the "no contact" is not to get in touch in any ways. Therefore, you should just cut it right off and if she does try to get in touch with you, then let her try... She was the one breaking up, let her suffer a little

[Yggdrasil]

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16Ur45vTtw0"]YouTube - Georgia Satellites - "Keep Your Hands To Yourself" Live '87[/ame]

(same idea)

[LoveFish]

It's not a stupid question! Breaking up is hard and confusing!

The no contact rule works very well for 2 things:

1. Driving your ex crazy and peaking their curiosity about you and what's going on in your life.

2. Allows you to focus on yourself and move on.

Even if your intent is to get your ex back in your life by using the no conact technique there is no point to declaring this to them. In fact that is counter productive.

Live your life and do the things you love to do without this person.

[lastwish]

Don't expect the "no contact" rule to get your ex back or the nature of the relationship to change You have to decide now if you want to work things out with her a.k.a compromise (in which you have to have a talk with her to work things out) or you don't want her. If you use the "no contact" rule to get her back, it is just going to backfire on you. Remember you can't hide desire.

[Doc Durian]

Remember you can't hide desire.

Obviously, you didn't grow up in a frigid climate.

[brokenhearted33]

what should i do if she tried to contact me just now (just to see how i was doing)? it's been approx about 2 weeks, i talked with her once last week for a small amount.

[Yggdrasil]

what should i do if she tried to contact me just now (just to see how i was doing)? it's been approx about 2 weeks, i talked with her once last week for a small amount.

Keep it short and tell her you're doing great (even if you feel like total crap and it feels like your life has come to an end).

Right now this is all about 'keeping up appearances'.

[brokenhearted33]

thanks alot for the advice Yggdrasil! (that by any chance isnt a Starcraft reference is it?)

also - when i do get back to her, what do i do if she says she wants to get together + hang out?

[Yggdrasil]

thanks alot for the advice Yggdrasil! (that by any chance isnt a Starcraft reference is it?)

also - when i do get back to her, what do i do if she says she wants to get together + hang out?

You act very hesitant. As if it will cost you great effort to do so. Plus, you have to think about it. Don't just jump on it and say yes immediately (aka: don't be to eager).

BTW: I hope you realize this strategy is not a guarantee you'll get her back, but it's definitely our best bet. Whining and being clingy and all that, just doesn't work.

[will2992]

thanks alot for the advice Yggdrasil! (that by any chance isnt a Starcraft reference is it?)

also - when i do get back to her, what do i do if she says she wants to get together + hang out?

In the same boat as you my friend, and trying so hard with no contact, but she does seem to be curious.

With the whole "getting back to her" a good friend of mine suggested to take how long it takes her to reply, double the time to make your reply.

So she texts you, text back when you're ready. She takes 10 minutes to reply, you take 20 minutes. Then she takes 2 hours, you take 4 hours. A very simple idea and she will be none the wiser, and it will show her that you may have a busy life now so can't talk all the time

Good luck with it all!

[thrillaveza]

In the same boat as you my friend, and trying so hard with no contact, but she does seem to be curious.

With the whole "getting back to her" a good friend of mine suggested to take how long it takes her to reply, double the time to make your reply.

So she texts you, text back when you're ready. She takes 10 minutes to reply, you take 20 minutes. Then she takes 2 hours, you take 4 hours. A very simple idea and she will be none the wiser, and it will show her that you may have a busy life now so can't talk all the time

Good luck with it all!

like that whole NC strategy.i should apply that in my situation

[brokenhearted33]

Yggdrasil - my ex now says shes going on a small trip to florida (we're from norcal) in a couple of weeks and she wants to know if i want to join her. what do i do? sounds like she's trying to get things back to the way they were pre-relationship and establish us as friends again huh? ugh...

[thrillaveza]

i don't think you should go. just for the sake of the whole NC. chances are that she'll want you more, because a similar thing happened with my friend. the best you can do, is seem like you are too busy doing things than paying attention to her.