Advice needed, love with ex

[lemondropbabe]

ok.... any advice is appreciated...
I dated a guy for 1.5 yrs... and then i started graduate school last fall... we had a semi stressful relationship with fights that were in part my fault and due to some immaturity and dealing with issues of the past.. in Oct. i broke it off with him.. saying i just needed some space- he had not been working at the time, and i was in a stressful program, not knowing how difficult it would be, i needed to focus on school, and wanted to get to know the people in my program.... he was also semi lonely at the time and since he didnt have a job, became somewhat annoying to me...
At first, all seemed normal with the ex.. talked online, on the phone, etc... but he wouldn't see me.
He finally agreed to see me in Feb.. and now i haven't seen him since.. I told him then how i felt about him.. ie still in love with him, and that i too, didn't need any stress in my life, and thats not how i wanted the relationship to be... he reluctantly said he would see me again, and i asked him to think about things, and he also half heartedly agreed to that...
Since the breakup, we have talked just about every single day online.. usually for an hour if not more.. from what i know, he is not with another girl. I asked him to hang out maybe in may, and he said no, not right now.
I really love him and want to show him i have changed, that we wouldnt go back to fighting, and that he should give me a chance.. he's even said im smarter than any girl he has met.. and continues to joke about my family etc etc.. In his life, however, hes not really sure what he will end up doing, but hopefulyl going to graduate school for something or another..
is there a way to make him wanna see me? or to maybe get him thinkin that things can indeed work out between us?
i just wish i would be given a chance....

[Anthony]

Without meaning to criticize your reasons for breaking off the relationship, from what I've seen in most relationships, an important factor is what happens when times become more difficult; using your examples: when you feel you need time to yourself, when you are stressed, and when feel that you need to focus on other things.

All of those feelings are perfectly valid and understandable, but relationships can't simply turn off and on when you have other priorities, and when things aren't the greatest with your partner. Using my previous relationship as an example, we argued on a near daily basis for over two months before we eventually decided to stop seeing each other. Even though we needed time to work and pursue other interests, time was always made for the other person, regardless of whether things were good or bad.

I would feel quite hurt if a partner I was with simply ended the relationship when things became more difficult, which would likely prevent me from giving them a second chance without a large amount of convincing. It's entirely possible that your partner may still feel too hurt to give you a chance, or may be concerned about a similar incident happening in the future.

It's a good sign that you and your partner are still able to communicate openly as friends, have you tried talking with him about your feelings on the issue? I've found that even after the worst arguments, honesty often works well towards a mutal resolution of the conflict. If you're able to communicate with him and you two can share your feelings and viewpoints on the previous break-up and changes since then, it may help you both to discover what willingness exists to give the relationship a second chance, and what might be required before that can happen. At the very least, he might appreciate the honesty and the fact that you're trying to resolve a past mistake.

[swimmingNreverie]

Yeah, you really need to find some way to let him know that he can trust you... he still seems really hurt to me.

I agree with everything Anthony said. When life gets hectic, sometimes a person will push away the person they are in the relationship with.. like its easy to put them on the backburner until everything else in your life is figured out.. and that hurts, because its like they are just keeping you there in the back of their mind as an option.. and who wants to be someone's OPTION to go back to when life gets easy again? Who's to say the next time life gets rough it won't happen again?

Its happened to me and my sister. Lucky for my sister, her ex came back to her the next DAY.. so things between them fixed themselves.
For me, every day it just hurt more and more, to the point of making me angry. Now if my ex comes back, even if I still really care about him.. my answer has to be no. Thinking that way is kind of like the only way I could make myself move on.. by taking away the idea of any possibility.

[lemondropbabe]

well.. i haven't tried talkin to him about it, because he won't say much.. I've said i was sorry etc etc.. and he had some fault in the matter (regardless of my school and work), and he knows i love him... Yet if i ask him to hang out.. or bring it up.. he says "oh god, not this again".... but i don't know why... I mean, i cried the one time i did see him.. but i have all these emotions, i didn't know how not to cry.. I just want to try again, show him i'm there for him, and prove to him we can make it work without having fights like we did last time.... I mean, early on, i used to ask to see him all the time.. like the day after we split up etc.. and then it annoyed him so i stopped.. at least here and there.. but now its almost 6 months since ive seen him last, and I don't know, I just miss him so much.. and i've tried callin him, but he doesnt answer much or is at work, and there's not much to say on the phone to him when he won't even see me... and even if i did see him, i don't expect to be back with him right then.. i would just wanna take it slow and see what happens and how we both feel...I know i was wrong in the past.. but there has to be a way to see him in the future