Advice, please

[mpz]

I need some advice. My girlfriend just broke up with me after 2 months. About a week before that she said that she wanted a little space to hang out with her friends because she was with me a lot during that time. About two weeks after we started going out, I lost my job. She lost hers a few days later, so it seemed like we were together all the time. For probably over a month we saw each other all day. everyday. During that time I alienated all my other friends so I could be with her. Then she got a job and obviously we started seeing less of each other. We still saw each other everyday, just not the entire day. I would pick her up on her lunch break and she would come over afterwards for a little bit. During that time I was irritable because I couldn't find a job. But I wouldn't necessarily take it out on her. There was a time when she accidently let my roommate's dog out and she couldn't believe I got mad at her for that. I didn't see that a that major of an issue. I got mad at her when she would show up at my house an hour after she got off work instead of right after. When she told me that she would be out with her friends and then come over, if she was fifteen minutes late from the time she told me she'd be there, I got mad. She brought that to my attention one day and it really mad me think about what I was doing. It was like I expected her to call me at a specific time and know what she was doing at all hours of the day. She specifically said she felt like she had to "clock in". I wealized what I was doing so I backed off a little. I would just wait for her to call me, I wouldn't ask when she would. If she wanted to do something, she made the plans. Anyway back to the wanting a little space. I got all sad and she told me it's not like I'm breaking up with you. I told her how much she meant to me and I really need her to be with me for support since I hadn't had a job for nearly one and a half months. A few days later I finally found a job. I thought things would be better because I would have less stress on my mind. I would have money to take her out because she missed the days when we were "just dating". Then one night she came over for a little bit. She ate the Wendy's that she brought over with her and then we watched TV for a bit. When she was ready to leave, I asked for a kiss and she just wanted a hug. I took a little offense to that and asked what was wrong. She told me she wasn't in a kissing mood. I walked her to her car and something still looked like something was wrong. That's when she broke up with me. She said that she's been in a weird mood lately. She wants to be single and hang out with her friends. She said she still wants to be friends - best friends. She told me that I did nothing wrong for her to break up with me, though she thought I was acting possesive for a while. What hurts me is that she gave me no reason for what she did. She said she didn't have a reason. She just wanted to. And she wasn't even going to tell me that night. It took a lot of time and talking to get it out of her. Sometimes I wish that I didn't even walk her out to her car that night. She said she wasn't ready to settle down yet - even though when we used to talk it would be about us lasting for a while - even her and my friends thought it would. She said she's sorry for taking about us being together forever, even though at first I was a little scared at first and then became more comfortable because she was always reassuring. She always told me I treated her like a princess and an angel. I treated her better than any other guy - they justed used her and she got hurt a lot. I'm afraid that she's going to get hurt again now that were not together. She said that when you finally settle down with someone you think if he was actually the ONE. But I contested that what if you had the ONE, and let him go only to never find him again. I think we were meant for each other, and so did she for a while. Now she just wants to be friends and I feel if we become friends we could never get back together as lovers. I really don't know what to say or do. I need some advice, people. Please help me out.

[Vanessa20]

How long ago did you break up?
My personal feeling is that maybe she just needed some space to figure out her feelings, especially since she had a hard time telling you, and then she couldn't give you a specific reason.
You both had to deal with having a job, then losing it, then getting another in two months, and trying to juggle a romance during a sort of 'transitional' period. That's enough right there to strain a relationship.
I think you should give her some time without pressure to figure it all out, meanwhile, try and just be good to yourself, and get your feet back on the ground.

Phew, you can just call me "windy" after all of that! 8O

[dazedandconfused]

you gotta give it to her - she cushioned the breakup for you really nice. i'd appreciate that if i were you. but it doesn't look like she'll come back to you. sorry.

[mpz]

a week ago sunday

[Vanessa20]

That isn't too terribly long.
I still think you should give her some time to come to you.
Or you can try writing her a letter, that way, your putting the ball in her court, and if she doesn't repond, you can move on, at least knowing that you've given it your best shot.
-Besides, girls are suckers for a well worded letter!
Good luck, I hope it all works out.

[IceQueen]

She told you why she broke up with you loud and clear. Two reasons:
1) She did not feel you are compatible with each other;
and
2) The reason for (1) is that you were not giving her enough freedom. She felt like your relationship with her has become a chore, and to maintain it she had to put in too much unnecessary effort. Your mistake was having her "clock in" and getting mad if she didn't. It's very taxing for a lot of people to show up on time -- so a relationship with you was stressing her out! She might also see mistrust in your reaction when she did not show up on time.

See, we all want support and understanding (not unnecessary stress and mistrust) from our relationships. She is a person with her own friends and interests, not a dog on a leash. You failed to realize that. You should have let her do what she wants, not demand that she be there with you ON TIME(!). "If you love somebody set them free. If she comes back to you, she is yours, if she doesn't -- she never was."

[JohnsonROd]

I wouldn't dwell on it for too long if I were you. The first 3 months of a relationship are the most exciting. You're both having so much fun together, and learning about eachothers likes and dislikes.

Yours on the other hand seemed to be full of stress and arguments. Of course she thinks your not compatible.

My advice, learn from this short relationship, and move on. If she comes back to you you'll know how she wants to be treated, but don't wait for her, it only prolongs the pain.