Ah, Thinkin About the Ex..... - Love Forum

bluesummer · #1 (**permalink**) 17-02-05, 09:45 AM

Maybe somebody has some thoughts on this....
A girlfriend of mine and I were out having coffee and 'reminiscing' if you will about the past, and our ex's(which happened to be best friends - which is how her and I met). And we were just mulling over a question we couldn't seem to figure out....

See, my ex and I were each other's first everything.....we started dating in high school and were together about five years. We were really close. But, as we got older (out of hs), we grew up a little and started to move in different directions in our lives so we broke up. Not a big deal, we both wanted it, even though it hurt a LOT. Anyways, so when we broke up he was pretty devastated over it....cried like a baby in front of me....told me he was always going to love me no matter what. But after we broke up, he only called me ONCE. He only got together with me ONCE one week after breaking up, to make sure I was ok. Since then, he cut himself off from me pretty much completely. (It was a good thing at the time, because it helped us move on quickly).

It's not that its a huge deal to me, but him and I were really good friends and went through a lot together. I email him from time to time and he always seems pretty excited/happy to hear from me, but there's never any effort from his end. I just always wondered why. Is it a guy thing? We didn't have a bad break up, and we're both totally good people. My current bf is good friends with all his ex's, and he says its 'weird' that my ex doesn't at least try to stay friends with me. Like I said, its not a big deal, I just wondered if this was normal for guys to do. My friend thinks he stays away from me because he still has 'unresolved feelings' he doesn't want to deal with.
Any thoughts, comments, personal experience, yadda yadda.....thanks

abercromqt20 · #2 (**permalink**) 17-02-05, 10:02 AM

There could be any number of reasons he doesn't try to contact you. honestly he is the only one that knows the true answer to that one. i mean we could try to disect the situation all we want but when it comes down to it, he is the only source of real information. if it bugs you so much you could always ask him. personally though, i wouldn't want to open up that can of worms. you have extended a hand out to him many times, if he doesn't take it, then i wouldn't waste your time. you can only do so much ya know!?!?

Quan · #3 (**permalink**) 17-02-05, 12:47 PM

well, I can tell you from experience that my ex and I will not be close again unless we are together. Our breakup was something she wanted, and not I. I met up with my ex before her once, and it didnt go well. I was the one that broke up with her and it was 2 years later that we met. We talked, had a good time.. but it was too hard for the both of us afterwards. Now that my latest ex broke up with me, i know it will never be 'friends' again. I was ready to marry her, ring ready and all..... I know I can't go back and see her with someone else knowing that it should have been me.

Some guys can do it, some can't. My best friend split up with the girl he was soon to marry, (she broke it off with him). They had no contact for 9 months even though she kept asking to hang out with him (while she was dating other guys). It just wouldnt work. Finally they met up after she was single and not dating anyone.. That was 4 months ago, they're now engaged, and doing better than ever. Some people just can't do it, and you have to accept that, because you won't change their mind unfortunately.

i'll stop blabbering now.

bluesummer · #4 (**permalink**) 17-02-05, 01:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abercromqt20

There could be any number of reasons he doesn't try to contact you. honestly he is the only one that knows the true answer to that one. i mean we could try to disect the situation all we want but when it comes down to it, he is the only source of real information. if it bugs you so much you could always ask him. personally though, i wouldn't want to open up that can of worms. you have extended a hand out to him many times, if he doesn't take it, then i wouldn't waste your time. you can only do so much ya know!?!?

Yeah, it doesn't 'bug' me so much as it does just make me really curious.....and yeah, I know the only real way to find out is to ask him, but I don't think opening that 'can of worms' is worth it. I guess I was wondering if his behaviour is 'odd' like my bf and my friends seem to think....but maybe not. Ah, whatever.

Maybe it bugs him that my bf following him is better looking. Ha ha ha

abercromqt20 · #5 (**permalink**) 17-02-05, 01:28 PM

haha nice.... i can totally understand where u are coming from. it not that not that you want to get back with him or anything, ur just curious. i've been there. even though it would give you peace of mind to know the reason, you may never get the reason so it's best just to forget about it.

schueys_girl · #6 (**permalink**) 17-02-05, 11:09 PM

My boyfriend hasnt stayed friends with any of his ex's, altho none of them were serious relationships at all...and none of them were his friends before. I think it depends on how serious the relationship was, whether the breakup was mutual and also whether they were friends before and have mutual friends now.

Jenrick285 · #7 (**permalink**) 18-02-05, 12:09 AM

I stayed on civil/friendly terms with most of my ex's.
The last one proved to be a challenge...
At the begining I really didn't want to keep in contact or have anything to do with her. It was a bad break, and she was something I'd just had wanted to forget about...
but after a year or so I tried (At least to my friends and myself...) to keep lines of communication open and possibility of a friendship, but alas I guess it wasn't meant to be

abercromqt20 · #8 (**permalink**) 18-02-05, 12:15 AM

as above i try to keep all of my ex and i on civil terms. and i have done a good job. my last serious boyfriend(before the one now) are the only ones that don't talk. that just to make it easier on him. he didn't want the break up, and it's hard for him. we ran into each other once about a year later, and a few days later i got a call from his best friend trying to feel me out. i told him it wasnt't EVER going to happen. but see what i mean? some people just can't talk to certain ex's in order to let them go. the only ex i talk to all the time is my hs sweetheart. but even then we barely see each other. it's mostly on the computer or sometimes phone.

toto · #9 (**permalink**) 19-02-05, 08:24 PM

I total agree with QUAN, and when my ex broke up with me we agreed to stay close and talk but the opposite happened. Like mentioned before, it helped at the time to move on as before we lived together while broke up....not good! Anyway Even though I was dieing to see her I done everything you’re told to after a break up and it helped. But a month after the break up she came round to pick up some of her stuff......with the new boy friend waiting in the car.

I’m one of those people who can’t handle seeing some you’ve loved with someone else especially one month after the break up.

I’m actually meet my ex for the first time in months this week ( and welcome any advice on the thread Quick Advice dating talk) but I think if I seen her with someone else now id still flip, even though I would like to be good friends with her. But I guess it’s down to the individual.