Confused

[Innova]

Hi everyone, im new to the forums, had some questions to ask.

2 months ago, life changed for everybody...call it a turning point in life. I was with a wonderful girl for 1 - 1 1/2 years. We were so happy, so wonderful together, never any problems. However 2 months ago, she wanted change and was going through phases, and my tardness didn't help with that before she broke up with me.

I miss her so frickin much. Right now she is with somebody else, a part of new experence I guess. I know she loves and misses me, as she has said so herself and wants to be friends. I don't mind being her friend, and growing with her, as I don't want to grow apart. It's just very hard to see her with another guy when i'm hangin out with everyone. She told me she would love to have a future with me, but that lifes never sure about itself. She told me she never said she wouldn't be with me again. I guess time is just getting the best of me. I realise that if I don't stop acting like this, then I really will never have a chance ever again, but at the same time missing her like I do, with all the memories is throwing me on a thick line, one I have trouble getting to either side. I'm only one of the few people who truly supports her when she needs it, and she knows that. I'm trying to provide a boundry, once in which supports her, but one that subtile shows her I care and love her. She is confused about a lot of things, but shes trying not to dwell on it, a part of her wants me to move on for now, but deep down, I know she doesn't want me to find anybody else, at least the way we were.

I just need a lot of help, and don't know how to approuch anything, I want her back, but realise I can't. I'm a very traditional guy, even though i'm young...i'm hell bent with love. What do I do, to keep a hold of her heart so one day it does happen again? time is just too slow right now, and prob. will be till sep. rolls around.

[shafkore]

Give me the chance to say one thing: Your life can change in an instant. In one second everything that you once knew can disappear. You could die tomorrow, or you could meet the woman that will one day have your children. You may have to move 3000 miles away, or a world war could break out.

Do not wait for her. You have to move. If the love was meant to be, then it will come back.

"Love is like a bird, you have to set it free, and if it doesn't return, Then it wasn't meant to be."

So ease your mind, and understand you can and MUST move on without her. Go with the flow, and understand, if it was meant to be, you two will be together in the end. Don't waste your life 'waiting' for her. Life is too precious to put on 'hold.'

Now, be aware that I am not saying, go out and get some pussy out of spite. I am saying, follow your natural path. Your body (self) will know what you REALLY need right now. They key is to try and listen/understand what it is telling you. If right now, you feel you need another girlfriend (another lover), then go ahead, by all means. However, DO NOT attempt to fill the gap (left by your old girlfriend) with a mere sexual body (for sexual pleasure only). Without love it is pointless, you will only widen the gap. Right now, you are hurt and lost in a sea of emotions. You need to sort it out. You need to find a 'port.'

Another choice may be to go solo for a while and try to find 'yourself' again. Maybe to do this you do NEED to space yourself from this girl. By doing this, she may think you are trying not to be her friend anymore (or less of one), but you have to remember: YOU comes first. YOU have to do what YOU needs. She is SECONDARY now. If, to make yourself feel better (and recover from your heart-ache), you need to 'get away' from her (and yes, deny her your friendship for a while) then so BE IT. Take care of yourself. YOU have to. Why ? Because in the end, no one else will.

Your brother,

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Ugh, that phrase "If you love something let it go and if it returns then it's yours forever" is yet again another worthless cliche. I fell in love with a girl, let her go because she wasn't comfy with distance, she moved back home near me and came back to me, then broke my heart. The phrase is flawed.

[Killerbabe]

I don't like those catchy cliches too. Moreover, I hate it when people use them as advice. Life's too simple with those.

[IceQueen]

Care for a translation?

She told me she would love to have a future with me, but that lifes never sure about itself. She told me she never said she wouldn't be with me again.

Translation: "Yes, I am not available to you right now, or ever, but why don't you worship me from afar, while staying available all the time? In fact, why don't you dedicate your life to me so I can feel better about myself?"
(Do you remember that? Jackie said that to Fez in "That 70s Show." Does Fez really have at least a slight chance with Jackie? If you don't watch that show, I'll tell you right now. No, he doesn't.)

In other words, congratulations, you're being mind****ed. She is never going to be with you, and you are a fool for believing that. NOBODY who has preferred to date another person over YOU is worth waiting for.

Also --

I realise that if I don't stop acting like this, then I really will never have a chance ever again, but at the same time missing her like I do, with all the memories is throwing me on a thick line, one I have trouble getting to either side.

You should cut off all contact immediately, before you become her slave and completely ruin your life. Out of sight, out of mind. Don't call her don't email her don't IM her, don't hang out places SHE usually is, don't respond to her letters, screen her calls, get rid of all the pictures and things that remind you of her. Don't let your friends talk of her with you. Don't keep tabs on her life. You'll be amazed how fast the memories will go.

Of course, that advice only applies if you are not secretly enjoying the life of suffering. Some girls will string you along just for the sake of boosting their own self-esteem. You should recognize such behavior and GET OUT.

[shafkore]

Killer and Zek,

Sometimes, it is the simple things that help life to make sense. Sometimes dying situations and scenarios down to 'simple', or 'stupid' cliches is the only thing that will get through to a person burdened by intense amounts of emotions and phychological distress.

If you plan on bashing someone's advice, then atleast offer some of your own. Don't leave the person who is in need of help, empty and handed, and even, more confused.

By the way, a quote is a quote -- its worth is given to it by the reader... and the readers experiences, hopes, and beliefs.

[Illusional]

haha zekk, the cliche isn't flawed,..it just wasn't meant to be. haha nah nah

well Innova, hrmm... being that you still want to be with her, that is difficult for you. i think my only suggestion right now would be to stay friends with her, however don't show her that you miss her. it is hard, i admit it, but be happy for her. true, the future is never as you plan it to be, and i honestly dunno if she will return to you or not, but i personally would advise against waiting for her. move on with your life yet remain friends and leave the door open if she wants to return. raverboy

[julie]

Originally posted by Zekk_T_Strife
Ugh, that phrase "If you love something let it go and if it returns then it's yours forever" is yet again another worthless cliche. I fell in love with a girl, let her go because she wasn't comfy with distance, she moved back home near me and came back to me, then broke my heart. The phrase is flawed.

Everythin is flawed if you let it have the last word.

This saying is indeed true. Maybe not forever, but it was meant to be. She returned and broke your heart. But look at the big picture and stop being so miserable.

If you didnt get back together, you would have spent your life missing her. You would have spent your life putting her on a pedestal. She came back and broke your heart. Now I hope, she no longer is the light of your eyes.

At least your not wondering anymore. And now you can move on.

[julie]

Originally posted by Innova
Hi everyone, im new to the forums, had some questions to ask.

2 months ago, life changed for everybody...call it a turning point in life. I was with a wonderful girl for 1 - 1 1/2 years. We were so happy, so wonderful together, never any problems. However 2 months ago, she wanted change and was going through phases, and my tardness didn't help with that before she broke up with me.

I miss her so frickin much. Right now she is with somebody else, a part of new experence I guess. I know she loves and misses me, as she has said so herself and wants to be friends. I don't mind being her friend, and growing with her, as I don't want to grow apart. It's just very hard to see her with another guy when i'm hangin out with everyone. She told me she would love to have a future with me, but that lifes never sure about itself. She told me she never said she wouldn't be with me again. I guess time is just getting the best of me. I realise that if I don't stop acting like this, then I really will never have a chance ever again, but at the same time missing her like I do, with all the memories is throwing me on a thick line, one I have trouble getting to either side. I'm only one of the few people who truly supports her when she needs it, and she knows that. I'm trying to provide a boundry, once in which supports her, but one that subtile shows her I care and love her. She is confused about a lot of things, but shes trying not to dwell on it, a part of her wants me to move on for now, but deep down, I know she doesn't want me to find anybody else, at least the way we were.

I just need a lot of help, and don't know how to approuch anything, I want her back, but realise I can't. I'm a very traditional guy, even though i'm young...i'm hell bent with love. What do I do, to keep a hold of her heart so one day it does happen again? time is just too slow right now, and prob. will be till sep. rolls around.

Innova, you sound like my ex....

You have made yourself worship this woman so much that you have lost your life. (she did good at getting you there) - but for Christ sakes - pardon me for another "cheesy" cliche - The only thing that will get you over another woman is another woman. Seriously.

She opened up your closed walls, and now you your standing in you own flood. Be strong and move on. Someone who truly only wants to be your friend, is NOT worth losing life over.
Lose your life over someone who will lose it for you.

[gnextdoor63]

"If you love something set it free, if it comes back it's yours, if it dosen't, it never was." I know this is hard to get your head around when your feelings are so strong but it's true. You need to step back... think about what else YOU want out of life (it can't just be her!) and focus on it...

From my experience when a woman/girl (and I am one) says "I just want to be friends" she means it. She means she wants to explore, wants her space. If you don't let her have it you can be sure she won't come back to you because she'll believe you didn't respect her decision. This will anger her and force her more deeply into the arms of whomever... Focus on the other things you have in your life, family, friends, hobbies, etc. and let the space between you determine if you come back together or not... love is not something you can control...

[Innova]

Well things are pissing me off now, and its getting quite complicated. It seems her new boyfriend i told you about has been sneaking around asking people stuff. Also, everybody is not leaving Nikki alone about all this shit. It seems like im the only one who understands her, and comforts her.

Nobody is just trying to understand to allow her time and space. She has a lot of stuff to deal with in life right now, and it seems nobody is understanding her but me. Its just one big mess, and this dude is pissing me off. He might care for her, but being sneaky about trying to find out all this shit really shows a lot of ****ing character and it pisses me off he shows such little confidence in her. Everybody knew when we broke up, that we loved and cared about eachother. Its very likely, that yes we would get back together someday, somehow. You know, I just don't understand why people can't just lay-down and let shit go for now. I guess this dude feels led on now, I was like if that was the case..you would know by now. I told my sister to tell everybody to just frickin chill, and allow her time. I understand hse has mixed feelings, but nobody including him seems to understand that.

Frankly, I don't know weither to tell Nikki or not. She doesn't need all this crap. I know she cares for this dude Chris, but I doubt she knows this new let down of confidence, enough to sneak around and have people interogate(sp) for him. (In a way) I could understand it poss., but in the manner hes doing it really disappoints me, and the lack of understanding. As for everybody starting rumors and shit, or nagging about everything, its down right stupid. This has been happeneing as of late, but nikki does not know of this latest go-around, of which I just found out tonight. Obviously I don't know everything, and this may lead to mis-interpretation by you guys, but this is why im writing. Frankly I don't know what to do, or how to take this situation.

Anyhow, thanks for listening. Peace!