Very confuses, don't know what he wants.

[Gab]

Hi, I am new on this forum. I know I shouldn't post my problem right away. But, I am just so confuse and hurt right now, was wondering if any guy or girl can give me some word of advices or maybe their perspective on this issues.

Here's the story. My boyfriend of almost 2 years(sept.) have decided that he needs space right now. Because, he confuse and don't know what he wants out of life. Now, he never wanted space before, till I constantly scoll him about his many girl friends. Now, I understand that a guy is allow to have girl friend to talk too. But I don't think that it right of him to talk to them night and day. Even at times that he with me, he talk to them. I try very hard not to let it bother me. But, with what had happen in the past, make me have second though. I know that i should let the past be the past. But, he is not making it easy for me to forget. Here what happened, I was using his phone one day and a girl call. Now,I never heard of this girl name before. So, I pick up and she hang up on me. So, I remember her number, when the phone bill came. I notice that he been talking to this girl for the past three month. He been calling her and vice versa, there was even phone call during 2 to 3 in AM. I confronted him, and he told me that it was one of his friend from the past. She was having problem and she call him to get advice. So, I question him why would both of you need to talk day and night if she only need advice. So, he finally admit that she wanted to maybe dump her boyfriend and see if her and my boyfriend can date. He told me that he was interested in her. And would never hurt me by seeing this girl. The next day, I call this girl and confront her too about it. She say that she only friend with him and wants nothing more. So, I don't know who is telling the truth.
After all this had happened, He told me that he stop calling her. Because he know that it hurts me. But, the phone call still continue. Now, he telling me that he need space, cause it very hard for him right now. The fact that I am a single mom and in order for him to settle down with me he wants to be able to figure out what he wants. He say that he love me very much and that I would be the girl he marry. But, just not right now.
I am confuse the fact that he wants space. But, he wants me to be there went he need me or for me to run to him when I have problem. He want to be able to talk to me everyday. And the other I went over to his house to talk, it ended up more then just talk. So, right there I am getting the wrong signal. Everyday he call me and keep on telling me that he love me. And don't want to to lose me. But, my question is, if he so much love me and don't want to lose me. Why is he so confuse about all this..Am I just a spare tired right now, till he find someone new?

Please help..your advice is greatly appreciate..

[IceQueen]

IMHO yes, you are the placeholder: he is using you for support, emotional or otherwise, and safe, free sex, all the while dating around seeing if he can find anybody better and leave you.

As for this:

But, he wants me to be there went he need me or for me to run to him when I have problem. He want to be able to talk to me everyday.

I'd laugh in his face and start screening his phone calls. He wants space -- let him have his space. Cut off all contact and leave his ass alone.

[Gab]

But we have make it cleared in the meantime of himing searching for his soul. We do not see anyone.

[IceQueen]

IMHO, it's his way of telling you, "sit there, wait for me, don't sleep with other guys, and if I feel like going back to you, I will. If I find someone better, I won't."

It's a lost cause.

[Gab]

I know that is how I feel too. This is why I am trying very hard to move on and not answer any of his call. It hurt me very much to not see or talk to him. But, I told him that if he wanted that space I will give him that space. If and when he decide that he know what he wants. In the meantime time, we should not talk or see each other.

I hope this will be best for the both us.

[Illusional]

yup.. i'm sorry to say it, but you're his backup plan. if things don't work out with this new girl, he'll have you to fall back upon because you're waiting for him and you're an easy target. to be honest, get mad and use your anger to get over him. it will help in the long run. raverboy

[Gab]

Hi Illusional,

Thank you for your advice. See the problem here is, there is no new girl. His confusion is that before he make that big conmmitment to me, he wants to be sure that he have everything to offer me and my son. Which, I know it is a difficult situation since I come in packages.
What I don't understand is that I am not asking for marriage. All I want is a companion someone to love me and do thing with me.

[IceQueen]

See the problem here is, there is no new girl. His confusion is that before he make that big conmmitment to me, he wants to be sure that he have everything to offer me and my son.

Aha. Sure. Were you born yesterday? The problem is, he may not have found a girl, but he knows you ain't it. To sit around and wait for him is stupid. As a matter of fact, to take his behavior as anything less than an insult, is stupid.

[julie]

Gab - This may sound tactless, but I need to know:

How good are you at finding other men?

[Illusional]

i agree, i wouldn't wanna wait for someone who has the slightest idea that they might not be around for the long run. however you should explain that you don't want a huge commitment like marriage, but only someone to spend time with.... wait wait, what is it really that you want? just someone to be there and hold you? comfort you? then why do you put your eggs into one basket. there are a lot of other men out there that will do the same things that you ask for without all the headache. personally if you want to keep this guy near tho, i would suggest that you be upfront with him and tell him how you feel because guys don't always tend to read between the lines. raverboy