Help me

[sad]

Hi everyone,

Im new here and I dont really plan to stay to long, I just need some very solid honest advice from those of you who deal with this stuff all day as members of this forum.

I have been with a girl for about a year and a half and we have a 12 week old baby boy. However I have come to the realisation that im not ready for any kind of comittment to my partner at all. I dont want to marry her, i dont want to marry anyone, im just not ready to settle down with anybody at all. I dont desire the white picket fence at all. I yearn for my single life back and thats basically what it comes down to. I love my partner and my baby boy very much.....but im just not happy. I am not seeing anyone or anything like that, i am and always have been faithful to her. I need to break away and experience many more of lifes experiences as a single person. I have never been in a situation like this, so im following my heart.

This will absolutley tear her apart, her family will be heart broken and so will mine. I am just so confused on how to approach this issue, but it has to be dealt with very soon otherwise I will become very miserable. She has no idea i feel this way. She has asked me many times why I cant show my commitment as a partner and a father by getting engaged to her and ive always shy'ed away from the question, or said something to the effect of "I want to do it when i feel im ready" just so I can put off the thoughts of it until the next time she asks........it has gotten her down many times, and it gets me down to.

I love this girl so much but my heart is just not in it now. I will always be a great father to my boy, he will get all the support he requires from me, so please dont assume im abandoning my child, I have a very level head and understand he needs his father in his life as much as possible.

I feel like im doing myself an injustice here and my partner an even greater injustice of pretending any further. I need peoples comments, im in the deep end here, and I feel very on edge.

Thanks.

[spunkyk77]

Can i ask how old are you?

You do know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. However its not fair to her if your heart isn't in it maybe you'll might realise that you were taking thigns for granted if you do let yourself loose on the single scene and see what really is out there.

What if someone else starts seeing her and becomes involved with upbringing your child how would that make you feel?

Good luck for the future. Your heart will lead you the right way.

[ghenzmitz]

ehh....really hard...but on my views....i think...ya have to be a real father...i think.....coz you know...it's hard for the child to know that you're not treating him as a father...and besides...if you love the girl...why not try to commit yourself to her and the baby......nah.....really difficult....but try to understand the part of the child too.......every child is wishing to see a complete family...YOu know what i mean? a father and a mother together......how old are you anyway?

just pray men....God is there....ask him many times for solutions and ya will be given guidance.....

Quote:

Originally Posted by sad

I have been with a girl for about a year and a half and we have a 12 week old baby boy. However I have come to the realisation that im not ready for any kind of comittment to my partner at all. I dont want to marry her, i dont want to marry anyone, im just not ready to settle down with anybody at all. I dont desire the white picket fence at all. I yearn for my single life back and thats basically what it comes down to. I love my partner and my baby boy very much.....but im just not happy.

Sad... you really are. You SAY you love your child...? Children are a joy, to be nurtured & treasured. Not abandoned. Here's some info from the medical journal "Pediatrics":

"the majority of single-parent, female-headed families live in poverty, regardless of whether the mother works."

"fifty-five percent of children who live in single-parent, mother-only families are poor, compared with only 10% of children in two-parent families."

When you have children, your choices can no longer be just about YOU. Unless you are utterly selfish, in which case you should just disappear COMPLETELY. Anything else is just cruel. DING-DONG... wake up child, 'cause responsible adulthood is ringing...