Looking for help...please help me out! - Love Forum

BrassHeart · #1 (**permalink**) 16-06-05, 10:32 AM

I have been in a relationship with a beautiful woman who has two children from a previous marriage for the past three years. Last November I asked her to marry me and she said yes. Over the past two and a half months I noticed a strain on our relationship...we werent communicating and we werent as sexually active as we once were. This past Friday we got into a nasty fight and she told me that she doesnt feel anything for me anymore. Today I went to see a ballgame that her daughter was playing and afterwards went back to her house where I attempted to have another conversation with her to see if there is anything we could do to rekindle our love ie...couseling or a trip just for the two of us. She went on to say that we discussed this on Friday and that she doesnt feel anything for me. Although, prior to this break up I had planned a family vacation to Disney as a gift for the Kids for doing well in school and she still wants to go on this trip with me and the kids. Well after todays conversation with her I got emotional over the thought of loosing her and she said to pull myself together and that we would be going on a trip at the end of the month and we will see what happens. I know im rambling right now but the pain I feel in my heart is unbearable. We did break up once before for about 6 months and she agreed to get back together and work it out.
Women who read this I need your point of view...does she still care for me...does she want to go on this trip because she may want to rekindle our love or she just doesnt have the heart to tell her kids we are not going to disney...how should I handle this trip. I need advise, please help.

bluesummer · #2 (**permalink**) 16-06-05, 10:42 AM

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound cruel but it sounds to me like she doesn't have the heart to cancel the trip for her kids. A woman who flat out tells you she has no feelings for you means exactly that. I really don't think you should get your hopes up.

Best of luck.

dizza · #3 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 08:17 AM

she just wants to benefit for her kids man. i would cancel the trip don't let her use you to benefit "her" kids. if you guys were together it would be a different story. Look out there for another woman you can do better

shh! · #4 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 08:32 AM

If you promised the kids the trip, you owe them the trip, even if you have to take them without mom, or if you only pay for the kids and let mom pay her own way. I think it is really crappy that someone would offer a gift to a child and make it contingent on their mother's behavior.

By the way, I'd give up on her.

whaywardj · #5 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 08:41 AM

This is my take on such things: If I'm at all responsible for leading someone to believe that I'm going to do X next Sunday, and we have a falling out the preceeding Saturday, I'm still obligated to meet the expectations I helped create, and I have to go ahead and do X Sunday.

This is one of the reasons I'm careful about making too many promises that reach too far down the timeline.

BrassHeart · #6 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 09:05 PM

Trip is on Friday June 24 and I still don't know what to do!!!

shh! · #7 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 10:29 PM

Wow - I thought I was pretty clear, but here goes again:

1) Dump the momma. It ain't gonna work out.
2) Leave momma home and take the kiddies to Disnneyland
OR
3) Give momma/kiddies the $$ you would have spent so the kiddies go with her
4) Promise yourself you will never again make "family vacation" plans again until you ARE a family.

whaywardj · #8 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 10:48 PM

I get the feeling, Brass, you're casting about for a justification to NOT follow through on what you've, evidently, led some kids to expect. If so, do you think that's being a good role-model for them? For that matter, is it an example of who you are?

I don't see the issue, myself.

BrassHeart · #9 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 11:18 PM

whayward, if I do go do I completely shut her out? By that I mean not talk to her or keep the conversations short? How should I act towards her?

whaywardj · #10 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 11:27 PM

Oh, it's only a matter of doing one of the most difficult things a man can make himself do when he still has romantic feelings for a woman: Be her friend. REALLY.

BrassHeart · #11 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 11:31 PM

Wow...be her friend? You are right that will be very difficult.

whaywardj · #12 (**permalink**) 17-06-05, 11:52 PM

Gee, Brass. You make it sound as if it's a problem in Chinese algebra. Though everyone I've ever known or talked to on the subject seems to go through all kinds of contortions and around five- or six-hundred blocks to get to it, it's all really just a matter of doing one thing: Chill.

BrassHeart · #13 (**permalink**) 18-06-05, 12:45 AM

Im just affraid I will let my emotions get the best of me and make things worse. I know she said she doesnt feel anything for me but I am holding on to the small glimmer oh hope that she is just confused. I dont want to screw things up!!

Asip4u · #14 (**permalink**) 18-06-05, 12:50 AM

You need to make things known here...Either go full blast and make sure she understands what you want or end things...If you allow the "hope" part to do everything, you'll be one miserable man for who knows how long.

shh! · #15 (**permalink**) 18-06-05, 02:31 AM

There you go with that "friends" thing again, whaywardj.
(shaking head)