This has to be the worse pain in the world

[Apache]

Hi everyone...

Well she decided to dump me again. And she did it in the cruelest of ways.
And thats what hurts the most

We have had problems on and off, mostly her not being able to deal with
having her heart broken again. But you'd think after a year of being with me
treating her nothing else but special she would have gotten over things.

Anyway we last saw each other in the begining of June. She always had a
hard time using the Love word, or hearing it from me. But on this day we had a wonderful afternoon making love. And she looked me right in the eye and told me how much she loved me. That felt so good to hear this finally. I spent the weekend in the clouds, she called me a few times over the weekend
to say it to me again and again, and how special and happy I make her feel.
Three days later though she writes me an email saying that she is not sure if she can continue with me. Over a month passed and we did not see each other at all. A few light phone calls, each one of them promising me an explanation to what she said. She also tapered off with her emails, and does
not answer my phone calls. I have to wait for her to be in the mood to call me. I finally saw her this weekend, briefly. And what she told me blew me away, She said that it is best if we just be friends, and see where things go from there. I do not understand that as we have been friends for more than a year! So I asked her if this was her way of letting me down easy, and also if she really meant what she told me in June. She said no it was not an easy let down, and that if she didn't mean what she told me she would not be standing in front of me talking to me. But she will not explain to me why she suddenly changed her mind. She is slowly becoming more and more distant to me. And this hurts, because I really was in love with her. So now I have this broken heart, it actually was so bad that I needed to see a doctor for it. She is aware of this as well, not because I told her, but she heard about it. I don't want to get over her, but I am starting to see that she is over me. And that really hurts. I feel as though she played with my feelings and emotions.
It is almost impossible to function, even the smallest task is so difficult for me to perform. I am thinking of seeing a therapist because I need to function again. She will not speak to me, to give me my closure. I think if she did I would be able to get over her easier. Oh well....any suggestions on what I should do here?

[TAVS]

I hear ya dude and feel your pain. My ex-fiancee did the same thing to me recently. One minute she is pushing me to get married and the next minute she is distant and cold out of nowhere. I considered therapy myself but in the end realized I'm a strong enough person to get through this myself. That's not to say there's something wrong with seeking help; I just dont think a therapist would help me sort things out

I'd like to say give her some time/space (That's what I keep telling myself) but that doesn't always work either. Most the people I've talked to suggest going out and finding a replacement, quick, even just for a day. Seems kinda shallow though if you ask me. I truely think you just need to find some way to move on. If she changes her mind, then great but for the time being you have to make yourself happy. Turn to your friends or hobbies and find some way to get her out of your head.

[roxamillion]

If you think you need to see a therapist then you should.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TAVS

I hear ya dude and feel your pain. My fiancee did the same thing to me recently. One minute she is pushing me to get married and the next minute she is distant and cold out of nowhere. I considered therapy myself but in the end realized I'm a strong enough person to get through this myself.

I was pretty much in your exact same shoes. Except I never once considered therapy, I knew I was strong enough to get through it.

Apache, you live and learn. You'll get over it as have thousands of people who have been in your same shoes. Welcome to life.

[artyemi]

Hi Apache.

Crazy how these things work, huh?

You always want them to, but you always have doubt about them working.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

But really, had you really expected that it would be a magical ride?

[Tommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by artyemi

But really, had you really expected that it would be a magical ride?

Hell YES

[Jsnowman]

Apache,
Hey bro, I feel for you. Look man, I'll be honest. I went to a therapist and it helped me. For me I wanted to know why I behaved the way I did in the relationship. I had a lot of issues that I've been dealing with for a long time and it caused me to shy away from my girl when it came to stuff like marriage, moving closer to her and opening up all the way. It's a miracle she lasted five years with me...lol
Seriously though, I went for about two to three months. It was interesting and fortunately, my issurance through work paid for it. I learned a lot about myself.
Inaddition, I also tried an anti-depressant because I was having a hard time focusing at work and dealing with the loss. It also helped me a lot. The anti-d is called Lexapro. I've been on it for about three months and it does wonders.
You should never feel bad about going to a therapist to talk about your issues. If it will help you, then do it. It does not mean that you are weak. It means that you want to help yourself get through this difficult time. Nothing wrong with that. Posting on this forum is therapy in itself...group therapy
Your loss is tough...very tough. This is my second time down this road with a different girl. It doesn't get easier either. If you are having symptoms of loss of sleep, appetite, fatique...all normal. However, if it continues for more than a couple weeks and it doesn't get better, seek help. Time, friends, this forum is what you need to get over your loss. Best of luck..keep us posted.

[Apache]

thanks for all the advice. It does help...thank you.

Yesterday it all came to a head, exploded actually. She showed her true self to me. I realize now I was in love with a very cold and un caring person. She
said some really hurtful things to me, actually referring to me as a stalker!
All I wanted was to talk to her about things, either resolving them or getting my closure. I called her about 10 times, but she ignored every one of them.
And that makes me a stalker. I guess she figured I should take her not answering as her answer. Some people can't face things I suppose. But it makes it a little easier for me.

I am taking anti depressents, the doctor gave them to me yesterday. They are helping a great deal, but there still is emptyness inside of me. This will pass I'm sure now that I realize there really wasn't anything here. I read somewhere about feeling foolish, and that is a mistake. I take it as a learning experiance. And it will make me stronger one day. I already feel as though I am healing, and this is a good thing. I don't hate her at all, she just was not meant for me and is quite confused herself. Its time to move on and put this all behind me, and I will. Thanks for the advice everyone.

[artyemi]

Hey Apache. Glad you're seeing things that way. Hope you are a little better today.

[Apache]

Yikes!!!...that was me earlier this month.

After a few weeks apart...

We worked out our differences, and I became a lot smarter.
I learned something very important. The old saying that you can't
control love is so true. But I will add this...if you try and control it,
it will turn on you and control you. The handful of sand you grip tightly
trying to keep it from spilling, only spills faster. Loosen your grip and it
sits nicely in the palm of your hand.

This was a major battle we had, and for both of us our relationship was over. And both of us left it with broken hearts...so we sought out the one we trusted the most to talk to, we sought out each other.

And now we are at a much higher level than I ever dreamed. Cautious though...I have no desire to feel that horrible pain ever again.