Can I ever look for love again?
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Thread: Can I ever look for love again?

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    Can I ever look for love again?

    Hey! So I'll try and make this as brief as possible. I have a bad history of either being cheated on or being the rebound and its left me not being able to trust guys. I've been single for about two years and recently I met a guy who was wonderful. He treat me better than anyone has before, my friends absolutely adored him and close friends of mine commented on how they had never seen me giddy about dating someone. Eventually cracks began to show. It started to become clear to me that he was not over his last ex and still quite in love with her even though they were just very good friends now.

    I explained to my friends that I was aware of the warning signs of this from previous experience and could see it coming to an end. They insisted I was being too cautious and to just enjoy the moment rather than think negatively. I took their advice and a week later it was over. He said he wanted to be friends still but never contacted me again.

    I am extremely sensitive to rejection and abandonment in general. Plus the fact my friends and a few work colleagues had met him, a massive fuss was made because they thought he was wonderful and it was very rare to see me interested in someone.

    I felt so foolish and gutted, it just brought me down completely and now I've been off work for three weeks. (This sounds ridiculous to me too, I know! But I do believe there are other factors that have resulted in deterioration of my mental health and self esteem)

    I was hoping to see if anyone has maybe been in a similar position before and what advice they could provide?

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    Hello. Thanks for sharing your story. I know how you feel, I've been in similar situations before, and I'm sorry it happened to you.

    I am however very new at this, having only gotten a very raw heartache from a surprising revelation that my 4 yr relationship which ended just over a month ago, was probably just me being used by my ex, as I just found out for the past week he has been posting happy loving photos with his new girl, which, from what I read of their friends' comments, had been an old flame, and now that they reconnected they seem very eager to tie the knot. So, as you can imagine I was totally blindsided, and still not over the shock of how he may have reconnected when we were still together. I felt used, and used for 4 years at that! Just for him to finally found his happily ever after, leaving me with a ticking biological clock and to pick up the pieces.

    I know how debilitating these things can be, I was surprised myself when I just experienced it in the nightmarish 3 hours I tried to get a shut eye this morning. I couldn't believe how I was at a complete loss of control of myself, and today I just had to take leave from work, because I just can't function, plus i can barely open my eyes they're so puffy from crying.

    So, I'd like to say that I also am beginning the road to healing, not quite sure how it is possible yet, but starting to find words of comfort wherever I can get it, and seeking people out here, that can show me I'm not alone. I'll try joining a support group and maybe read the bible . I'm not a religious person, but I am a spiritual one, so I tend to seek out answers that way, because I don't have anyone to turn to. You may find you have your own way of coping. I think it is good that you have plenty of friends, you should reach out and talk to them about it. Having people to share these things always do a world of good.

    Hope that helps,
    Take Care,
    Audy

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    realize that if you get cheated upon there usually is a reason for that.
    If there is a pattern repeating itsself then usually there is one common factor
    and thats you.

    Thats a hard concept to grasp. But it also means that YOU have the power to change it.

    The difficulty is spotting what you are doing wrong (or where you have the wrong attitude) and what to do or what to believe instead...

    If you want then I can help you search for that.
    If you think I am insulting you with my post or bashing you: You do not get the point.
    I am not here to insult or bash anyone. I offer up my free time to help. Take from my post what is useful to you.
    If you are angry about my post or myself, then please stop and think how that happened. Usually that is the way the brain responds if a critical belief system is challenged (its called cognitive dissonance). If you have trouble with it please answer in the thread. I will come back to you.

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    I too have been through a similar situation that left me blindsided, shocked and heartbroken. A woman that I fell head over heels in love with walked out of my life and within weeks had married her former lover that in fact cheated on her.

    It's a long hard road to find happiness again. Some people travel it for years while others find what they seek within a very short distance. Don't pass by your family and friends because they are the ones that can help you on your journey. Try to focus on things that truly make you happy.

    Trust me when I tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Give it time, things will become clearer and you will be able to put this behind you and find your happiness once again.

    Good luck in your journey.

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    Hi! first of all I'd say it's good that you came here:] this forum actually helped me a lot with my past and present relationship problems. There are always people here willing to give their time and help you, so don't hold back!

    I am in a similar situation myself - just got dumped 3 or so days ago...It's my first time ever being dumped (I was always the one initiating the break up) and hurts like hell and I don't even know what to do with myself now..I suspect him wanting to get back with his ex too, but not sure and I get sick just beginning t think about it...

    And i know that feeling of foolishness very well. when your friends really liked him and they saw you so in love and talking so lovingly about him and now to let them know that he left you...it's horrible really. But they still are your friends and they will support you especially seeing how bad you feel, so seek help from them as well.

    Also know that this will pass. Things take time, so just be patient;] Try to find something to occupy your mind and body in the meantime. Working out is always a good idea after a break up;] or maybe join some club or take up drawing classes or learn to play an instrument or a foreign language class or whatever you ever wanted to do but never had the time for it. Just do it now. You will meet new people and keep yourself busy and the time will go much faster and you will feel better eventually;]

    And you mentioned some other factors resulting in your mental health, not knowing about them it's difficult to give advises really, but if you really feel bad then don't hesitate to seek out professional help, maybe see a therapist or join a support group.
    I know it sounds harsh but it always gets a little bit easier when you realize that you aren't the only one in such situation.

    Best of luck!

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