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    Ex keeps contacting me.

    Hi all, Iv been having some issues with my Ex-Girlfriend keeping in touch, despite the fact that I'v made it very clear on multiple occasions that I'm all for burning bridges and trying to moving on.

    I was hoping to get somebody's opinion on what she might be up too or what is possibly going on in her head?
    Granted there is no definite way of knowing and to be honest I'm not even sure she knows what she's doing... And I have confronted her about this and the reasons I get don't make any sense. And even if she was telling the truth, she doesn't have an ounce of credibility left for me to believe her.
    So I could use someone's perspective or advice because this has been bothering for such a long time, often to the point where I'm losing sleep over the matter.

    So a bit of backstory...
    I was with my girlfriend for 3 years and we were living together for 2 of those years, things were going very well for us until I was made redundant from my job.
    Shortly afterwards she became infatuated with a man from her workplace who apparently has wealthy parents, she claims that the two of them are "just friends" or "best friends" however her attitude towards this guy and her behaviour when he was around (in which she was inviting him over to our house more and more frequently without telling me), contradicted what she was saying, she would talk about him all the time in such high regard and frequently compared him to myself.

    About a month after loosing my job and some unsuccessful interviews later, she came home from work one day and said that she was leaving me because I didn't have a job, upon trying to reassure her that it was just a matter of time before finding another, she changed her tactics and went on the warpath against me.
    She started making false accusations that I was negligent in our relationship and began opening up old wounds to justify herself leaving, ultimately blaming me for our breakup.
    I remember her making such remarks like "There is absolutely nothing you can say to ever blame me for this" and "without me, you will die alone".
    You can probably imagine how I was feeling at this point, when someone you love so deeply suddenly becomes so vicious without warning or just reason, it hurt me pretty bad.
    I think at that moment she realised she crossed the line and became quite remorseful.
    A few days later, I return home from a funeral to find her gone with most of my furniture missing as well.

    For a whole month afterwards, she kept in touch via Facebook. Despite the fact that I made it very clear throughout our relationship and more so afterwards that I strongly believe in burning bridges after breaking up, but if she ever wanted to reconcile then I would be happy to talk things over.
    Despite this, if I didn't reply to her messages instantaneously she would call me on my phone, if I didn't answer my phone she would be banging on my door worried that "something bad" might have happened to me and making remarks like "I cant live with myself if anything was to happen to you" and more worryingly "If you go, I go" (Implying that if something was to happen to me which lead to my death, she would kill herself). At this point I reminded her of where I stood on the whole burning bridges philosophy and this was the path she had chosen for herself.

    3 months after that she reemerges after a period of silence, asking how things were (also openly admitted to stalking me), and before too long she was regularly inviting me out for lunch or to meet up somewhere on a "date", she started holding my hand, reminiscing of the good times and showing signs of affection. But I was confused as to why she was acting in such a manner yet still seemed to be infatuated about this work colleague who she still claims they are "best friends"...
    She slipped up one day and it became apparent that she was only doing this to trick me into becoming friends with her.
    After this I put my foot down.

    3 months or so after that (and about 3 months ago from now) she re-emerges asking how things were (along with what felt like a million other questions about how I'm doing), before she broke down in front of me saying that she just wants the two of us to be friends.
    So I gave her an ultimatum, we either sit down and reconcile or we go our separate ways and never talk to each other again. I gave her a few days to think it through and it wasn't 24 hours before she came back to me to tell me she chose the latter...

    So now onto the present....
    Since then, I havent heard from her at all, but I've been receiving cards in the mail around occasions like Christmas, New Year and Birthdays with messages like "Missing you so much. With love, [Name] XXXX" followed by Text messages to check if I received the card along with a few questions about how I'm doing before disappearing.

    I need to ask, is it normal for an ex to keep in touch or behave like this?
    Other former partners have respected my decision and went their separate ways, so why is this one doing what she's doing?
    Thanks.

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  3. #2
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    i dont understand the problem
    tell her you are blocking her number because you dont want her in your life anymore
    dont open the letters
    problem solved?
    If you think I am insulting you with my post or bashing you: You do not get the point.
    I am not here to insult or bash anyone. I offer up my free time to help. Take from my post what is useful to you.
    If you are angry about my post or myself, then please stop and think how that happened. Usually that is the way the brain responds if a critical belief system is challenged (its called cognitive dissonance). If you have trouble with it please answer in the thread. I will come back to you.

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    I have told her many times I dont want her to contact me anymore and I have tried blocking her.
    However she's quite determined to find ways around it either by changing her number or creating new facebook accounts or even using friends accounts to message me.
    If I am successful at blocking her for a while, she will resort to coming round to my house.

    My question is why would someone go to such extremes to contact me?

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    She deperately wants to find a way back into your life and I doubt she wants to be " just friends" tell her to f uck off once and for all, she'll play you the same way you know it.
    If she can't find another it isn't your fault or business, she needs to move on and if she won't kick her on.
    Next time she comes to your house call the police and say she is stalking/harrassing you and put charges on her that should keep her away. Don't just threaten, do it.
    She is seemingly too cozy in her clinging, you need to break it for good.

    Its no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bryce098 View Post
    My question is why would someone go to such extremes to contact me?
    I would ask her what the **** she wants. Here is the copy pasta:
    "Hello Devi. I have told you time and again that I do not want you in my life anymore. I have blocked you from my contacts and in the internet. Yet you keep contacting me. So this is your only ever chance you will get: What do you want? How can I help you?"
    and then help her get some closure once and for all
    Meaning she will probably be like "I love you so much. I miss you so much..."
    Then you can be like: "But I do not have any feelings for you anymore. I dont feel love or like or hate or dislike. When I think about you, you are just someone I used to know. And I am happy about the "used to" part. I do not care about how you have changed or anything. Im just glad that I have a life without you.
    Thank you - because I am glad that we had a really good time together, but I am also very glad that it is over once and for all.
    I think you will find someone who wants you and who loves you if you look around. But I just simply dont want to."

    you could ofc also forgive her. Or do whatever you please with her. Its your choice.

    if that doesnt work i would tell her im filing for harassment
    and if that doesnt work Id actually do it.

    All this only if you really want her out of your life. If you want her back in it will be easy enough.
    If you think I am insulting you with my post or bashing you: You do not get the point.
    I am not here to insult or bash anyone. I offer up my free time to help. Take from my post what is useful to you.
    If you are angry about my post or myself, then please stop and think how that happened. Usually that is the way the brain responds if a critical belief system is challenged (its called cognitive dissonance). If you have trouble with it please answer in the thread. I will come back to you.

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    Quote Originally Posted by megvoh View Post
    She deperately wants to find a way back into your life and I doubt she wants to be " just friends" tell her to f uck off once and for all, she'll play you the same way you know it.
    If she can't find another it isn't your fault or business, she needs to move on and if she won't kick her on.
    Next time she comes to your house call the police and say she is stalking/harrassing you and put charges on her that should keep her away. Don't just threaten, do it.
    She is seemingly too cozy in her clinging, you need to break it for good.
    If she wanted me back then why did she refuse my ultimatum?
    I gave her the choice or sitting down and talk or walk away and she chose to walk away, yet she still contacts me whenever my birthday or some other event rolls around?

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    Block her number, block her on all social media, and if she sends you any mail, don't open it and return it to sender. If she shows up at your house, tell her if she doesn't leave you will call the police and have her physically removed. If she doesn't listen, follow through and do that. She wants to keep you in her life for her own selfish reasons and she doesn't care what your feelings are or what you want, it's all about her and her needs. If you are actually serious about not speaking to her, then take the steps necessary to stop her from contacting you, which means blocking her on all social media and from your phone. It's that easy. Once you've done it, it gets easier from there.
    "Caring is not an advantage."

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