My long break up story
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  1. #1
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    My long break up story

    I'm sorry about this lengthy post, but I just feel that I have to write down my story:

    There is this girl I met more than 13 years ago. She is the best friend of my best friend's wife (or girl friend back then). We met at a party and instantly hooked up together. I had a huge crush on her after that night but she didn't want to take it any further. I think the major problem back then was the age difference. She was 24 and I was 20 when we met. Time went on and we occasionally met on parties. We made out two more times but she always rejected my further advances.

    So our lives went on. She got married, had two kids, got divorced again, had another relationship and broke up again. I spent some time abroad, entered a long term relationship and broke up again. So it happened that we found ourselves both being single again and we again met at a party of our mutual friends. And just like before, we hooked up that night. This was about a year ago. Given our history of her rejecting me repeatedly in the past, I was reluctant to start anything. So she started chasing after me for a year.

    About two month ago we again met on a christmas party, and again we hooked up. I then decided to give this a chance. So after 13 years, at the age of 37 and 33 now, we were finally dating.

    Things went really well between us. I thought that we really connected. We were able to have 3 hour phone calls and we were in touch every single day for the past two month. Things were complicated given the fact that she has two little kids at home, but we worked our way around that. I really fell in love with her.

    Then there came that Sunday. We went to an exhibition together, then made out by the river side and had some coffee afterwards. I thought that things were going as great as ever. But then on Monday she didn't talk to me much. On Wednesday evening she let me know that we need to talk and on Friday she broke up with me. So just like 13 years ago, she has left me heartbroken.

    I just don't understand why she ended it. Just a week before that, things were absolutely hot between us. She said that on that Sunday she suddenly realized that this wasn't working out between us, and on her way back home she knew that the relationship was over.

    I don't think that the sunday was different than any of the other times that we met, and I just don't understand how her feelings for me could change so suddenly.

    She said that we can talk very well and that she is sad that this isn't working. She hadn't anything to complain about and she was happy with how the relationship developed. Finding time together wasn't always easy because of her kids and other obligations. She said that she liked that I wasn't pushing things too hard and advanced things cautiously. But somehow her feelings just snapped on that day.

    We had our break up talk in a café and I did know what was coming in advance. But even breaking up with her ended up being surprisingly pleasant. After the tough talk, our conversation diverged and we ended up in a jokingly flirty conversation like we always did.

    I just wish I could win her back, or at least I want to understand how she could just change her mind like that. Any advice is welcome.

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  3. #2
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    run.
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    on a more serious note. If a person with two kids cant properly explain why she wont wanna be with you and everything is fine i personally dont see how you can have a relationship twoards such an ungrounded person.
    Maybe you think she looks cute and is intelligent and everything. But what use is it if shes a manipulative crazy bitch?
    im not often posthing it directly like this.

    There is only two explanations: 1) you are missing information big time and she is lying about not knowing why 2) she is nutty as squirrel poo.

    "somehow my feelings just snapped without any reason"
    what a bullshit
    when has something like this EVER happened to anyone (without ANY reason)
    If you think I am insulting you with my post or bashing you: You do not get the point.
    I am not here to insult or bash anyone. I offer up my free time to help. Take from my post what is useful to you.
    If you are angry about my post or myself, then please stop and think how that happened. Usually that is the way the brain responds if a critical belief system is challenged (its called cognitive dissonance). If you have trouble with it please answer in the thread. I will come back to you.

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    Thanks for your input! I agree that this entire behavior is very strange. My ex before her used to be very manipulative, so I've been down that road before and I don't ever want to go back there again. The reason why I liked this new girl was because she seemed to be so very opposite to my ex: She is down to earth, relaxed, easy going, independent and confident. So I don't think she would be the manipulative type, but I admit that its hard to see inside someone.

    I have also put more thoughts into this situation and my current guess is that maybe she has a commitment problem (maybe triggered by the horrible ending of her marriage). I have a friend (a guy) with such an issue, who can't help himself from breaking up with every girl after 3 weeks. Let's just hope she's not like him, because he can't make it work even though he's aware of his problem.

    Anyway, I fell a lot better now that a few days have passed but I'm still puzzled.

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    then just ask her what exactly her reason is for breaking up if you still want her.
    You can just ask her if she is afraid or if you are too nice or whatever.
    "my feelings just snapped" is just a stupid excuse.
    If you think I am insulting you with my post or bashing you: You do not get the point.
    I am not here to insult or bash anyone. I offer up my free time to help. Take from my post what is useful to you.
    If you are angry about my post or myself, then please stop and think how that happened. Usually that is the way the brain responds if a critical belief system is challenged (its called cognitive dissonance). If you have trouble with it please answer in the thread. I will come back to you.

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